Quote: Gavin @ December 22 2012, 6:05 PM GMTRoodeye just emailed to say
" be kind enough to convey my best wishes for a very merry Christmas and an exceedingly happy new year to all at BCG?"
Hah, I don't believe you he wouldn't risk you knowing an email addr4ess for him.
Quote: billwill @ December 22 2012, 7:56 PM GMTHah, I don't believe you he wouldn't risk you knowing an email addr4ess for him.
The question that's on my lips is this: Who will get Frostyboy or Jake How to return and say hello?
I think that only zooo - with her womanly charms - can achieve this. Go forth, young Laura, and seek them out.
Yes, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...
Quote: zooo @ December 22 2012, 9:10 PM GMTYes, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...
Yum!
Just had an email from Mr. Tim Walker's solicitor
Dear Gavin,
I was browsing the British Comedy Guide when I noticed a thread entitled 'Surprise Surprise!', started by Lee (nee Levil), encouraging ex-members to get in touch to confirm that they are still alive, so that current members can feel less guilty this Christmas. (And also so that their IP addresses can be passed onto the police to aid them in their enquiries, I presume?)
Unfortunately Tim Walker cannot personally send a message, as he is currently languishing in a Turkish prison, where he is serving 30 years-to-life after customs officers at Ataturk Airport discovered a box-set of 'Coming Of Age' concealed inside the large bag of heroin he was carrying.
Be reassured that, as his solicitor, I can vouch for the fact that despite this setback, Tim remains in good spirits and is working very hard on writing a new sitcom about a failed comedy writer who ends-up in a Turkish prison; with each episode charting the monotomy of day-to-day life with his cell mate, a transexual rent boy (Bentay). Tim describes it as "the sort-of modern, joke-free, joyless, kitchen-sink bollocks that gets those shits over at the BBC wetting their knickers nowaways - a sort of 'Porridge' meets 'Him & Her' meets 'Vera Drake' meets 'Grownups'..." Tim has written over sixty episodes so far and proudly boasts that this makes it "a longer-running and more successful sitcom than 'Peep Show'... potentially".
Please spare a thought for Tim Walker this Christmas. Tim suggests that if you want some idea of his Turkish prison predicament then you should watch 'Midnight Express' - though Tim observes that, disappointingly, in reality there are far fewer opportunities for male rape. Still, 'Midnight Express' is still a good place to start - though Tim suggests that at Christmas you'd probably be better off watching Alan Parker's other crime movie, 'Bugsy Malone', which is more upbeat and has better tunes. (Plus, for any potential paedophiles out there - and God knows there must be a few of them on the BCG - one gets to see a young Jodie Foster splattered in the face with custard - which is sort of like a bukkake shot if you've that warped a mind.)
Anyway, Tim wishes all his old chums at the BCG a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and hopes they are all well.
Tim himself will be spending Christmas Day in solitary confinement, as a punishment for fighting with the guards over whether or not 'Have I Got News For You' is worth watching anymore (Tim bit off a guard's scrotum whilst arguing that 'HIGNFY' has become "a smug, pitiful pastiche of itself ever since Angus went"... The guards, whilst pulling Tim's fingernails out with pliers, insisted that they like the variety of the guest hosts - though they agree that Paul Merton has been phoning-in his performance for years.)
So pull a cracker for Tim this Christmas. In solitary confinement they play episodes of 'Meet The Adebanjos' on a 24-hour loop. Utterly inhumane. But don't try writing to Amnesty about Tim's plight - he and they fell-out after it was suggested that Jack Whitehall could do a charity gig on his behalf. Tim would quite like to hear from Shami Chakrabarti though. As Tim says "she may be a bit of bleeding-heart liberal, but she's sexy when she's angry and looks like she could probably be quite 'dirty'...
Yuletide cheer to you all.
Yours sincerely,
Dick Spackman
Solicitor
Lotus, Spackman & Phelps
Hounslow
This is why he shouldn't have left.
Oh, Tim.
Great stuff Gav/Tim 
Quote: Gavin @ December 23 2012, 1:00 PM GMTwith each episode charting the monotomy of day-to-day life with his cell mate, a transexual rent boy (Bentay).
I like to think Bentay is based upon myself.
Oh yeh Nat's in the finals of the Musical comedy award in London on February 2nd.
You're all invited.
Thank you to everyone who made contact. It was appreciated and I hope one day you all make a full return.
How many people actually came and posted? 2?
5 posted, 3 sent messages. Better than nowt