Samples of my stand up material

These are 2 segments which will be included on a demo CD of stand Up material..to "OFFTHEKERBPRUDUCTIONS"..No more after this..just these 2.
1/
Laxatives..
"take EX-LAX..for instance
Packet reads
Do not operate machinery..unless!
"There is a loo in a 20 yard radius"

for the first 4 hours
"Wear a pair of NIKE"..

avoid all sporting activities...especially
"Summersaults"

2/Shaving..
When I first started shaving
my grandad says.."That's you for life"
you will need to keep at it from now on
the hairs will grow bigger and bigger

wish he told my granny that
she might still be here..as
The Hairs in Her Arse..Rose up and Choked her"

The first one does have some structure and punchlines to it but they aren't particularly original or strong I'm afraid. Jokes about laxatives are pretty lazy really.

The second one doesn't really have the structure to critique really. Is hair rising up someone's arse a commonly known thing or a saying that I'm not familiar with?

Hi Jamie,

Like Chopz said the first one did have some structure to it but, the second on didn't make any sense to me either. I'm not sure how much stand up you've performed but,I would strongly recommend that you take this material and try it in front of a live audience as that is the true guage as to whether your material is any good.

I've had (and I'm sure most comics will tell you the same) material that I thought was absolute gold. I've then taken that 'gold' to an open mic/ new material night only to have the audience look at me as if I'm derranged.

It's only after trial and error that we realise our mistakes and the material gets stronger and then you can focus on lengthening your set to 10's then 15's, 20's and so on.

All the best,

Jason.

No!