Another sketch..

INT.TV STUDIO.

JEREMY PAXMAN CONDUCTS AN INTERVIEW.

JEREMY:
Banning the advertising of junk food on children’s TV has given rise to accusations that companies are getting their message across by somewhat nefarious means. With me in the studio is Mr. Robert Basset, head of children’s programming: Robert –

BERTIE:
I prefer Bertie

JEREMY:
What do you say to these accusations?

BERTIE:
Well, I deny them of course, it’s totally untrue, completely unsubstantiated and -

JEREMY:
So, you don’t think that a cartoon, featuring the characters: Ron, Mac and Donald –

BERTIE:
And their little dog, Nugget

JEREMY:
And their little dog, Nugget. You don’t think this could possibly be interpreted as a reference to a certain burger chain?

BERTIE:
Not at all! These are fairly common names. And the characters you refer to are, I think, excellent role models for children!

JEREMY:
Yes, um, they would seem - on the surface - to be heroes. Out to thwart an evil duo called: Jamie and Oliver. Is that right?

BERTIE:
Correct

JEREMY:
Jamie and Oliver are a couple of baddies who, under cover of darkness, travel the land intent on stealing all fruit and vegetables. Selling them on to school canteens, thus causing the starvation and death of the entire rabbit population.

BERTIE:
Exactly! Evildoers, intent on wiping out a species

JEREMY:
Doesn’t that send out a negative message to children about eating their greens? Worrying that their five a day could be the death of Rag, Tag and Bobtail?

BERTIE:
They’re not stupid.

JEREMY:
But they are impressionable. Okay, what about the programme “Defeat of Veggie Might”? About a horde of angry, dispossessed and passed their “Sell by” greens, lurking in Supermarket aisles, attacking customers whose only saviour is –

BERTIE:
Mr Chips! Along with his personal aide, Cherry. A favourite of my own dear, sweet, bonny children.

JEREMY:
When you say “Bonny” Do you mean fat?

BERTIE:
I mean bonny

JEREMY:
But I understand that to be a polite way of saying; fat

BERTIE:
I didn’t say that

JEREMY:
But it’s what you meant

BERTIE:
I meant that they’re a healthy, happy -

JEREMY:
Couple of porkers. Moving on…

I like it's similar to something I once wrote, don't worry I'm not accusing you of robbing my brain! Besides yours works and mine didn't

Good, and glad to see the pun is still alive and kicking.

It does just end though, that jars a little bit.

This kind of sketch really needs a good punchline.

Cheers for that Sooty. Yes, does need a decent punchline and goes on far too long

It's basically good, you could probably halve it, and turn the Jamie Oliver bit into the punchline, it's all in there jsut maybe could be a better order, fancy a slash at my efforts?

Will do, Sootyj...

I agree. I was awaiting a punchline.

I liked the concept.

People are very keen on the idea that a sketch needs a punchline.

Leaving aside the Milligan and Python sketches that end right in the middle for no apparent reason, it's still not true that a sketch needs a punchline.

What a sketch needs is an OUT line - i.e. a line to get out on.

You already have a perfect out line but it doesn't come soon enough.

Basically, you need to ditch the last 5 lines, with the exception of the last two words.

Your ending then goes:

JEREMY:
When you say “bonnie”, you mean fat?

BERTIE:
I mean bonnie

PAXMAN:
Moving on . . .

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 4, 2008, 8:51 PM

You already have a perfect out line but it doesn't come soon enough.

View original

That's not a nice thing to say.

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 4, 2008, 8:51 PM

People are very keen on the idea that a sketch needs a punchline.

View original

It was just aching for one.

n.b. Python may not have had punchlines, they also wrote the whole show, so could easily swop for fantastic links.

Parrot Sketch just stops, but segues perfectly into LumberJack.

Punchlines aren't essential but you need to find a way to end.

I find the endless emphasis on punchlines a little tiresome. But Chapman may well be right in this instance. This script would do well, punchline or not, by being snappier and shorter. It started off reasonably well and then tailed off somewhat.

I liked it but needs trimming as above but there is a gem of an idea here so persist!

Thanks to all who commented on this...appreciate it

Yes, needs a drastic edit. Thanks to Chimes for your suggested ending, certainly an improvement on mine!