Classical gas

INT - A MUSIC ROOM -DAY

BEETHOVEN IS SEATED AT THE PIANO STOOL PLAYING SNATCHES OF MUSIC. PERIODICALLY HE NOTATES SOME MUSIC AND PLAYS IT, LOOKS ANNOYED AND THEN CROSSES HIS NOTATION OUT. SUDDENLY THERE IS A PUFF OF SMOKE AND POSH SPICE APPEARS BESIDE HIM.

BEETHOVEN:
What type of devilment is this? A creature from beyond the pale methinks.

POSH:
Eh?

BEETHOVEN
From whence come you strange creature?

POSH:
Oh I See. I just come off stage at Wembley like. I was doing a gig wif the uvver gels. Singing like and all of a sudden I went all kinda fuzzy and here I am.

SUDDENLY SHE RECOGNISES BEETHOVEN:

POSH:
Here hang about mate. I know you don't I? It's you ain't it?

BEETHOVEN SHOOTS HIS CUFFS PLEASED TO HAVE BEEN RECOGNISED

BEETHOVEN:
Last time I looked in the glass it certainly appeared to be me.

POSH:
You've done all that famous music ain'tcha?

BEETHOVEN:
I cannot lie for indeed my reputation is growing far and wide. It is said that my prowess as a composer is unrivalled throughout the land.

POSH:
Can you play me one of your famous ones? Go on I'd love that.

BEETHOVEN
Very well it would be my pleasure.

HE STARTS THE OPENING BARS OF MOONLIGHT SONATA.

POSH:
No I don't like that one. Couldn't you do Candle in the Wind? And I could do the backing vocals.

END:

This is excelent but could be way shorter, if you don't explain why Posh is there it has a more imemdiate surreal bang bang effect.

But yeh it works, Posh as the next Dr Who?

Blenkinsop you seem to be under the impression that Beethoven wrote candle in the wind. He didn't

I liked that. I smiled at the idea of Posh just appearing.

Quote: Rob B @ February 4, 2008, 6:23 PM

Blenkinsop you seem to be under the impression that Beethoven wrote candle in the wind. He didn't

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Well bugger me!

Liked the sketch. Sort of saw ending [I was expecting Andrew Lloyd Webber] but sometimes that doesn't matter.

V. small detail - Beethoven was deaf. Mind you that's probably a blessing with Posh in the same room.

Quote: Rob B @ February 4, 2008, 6:23 PM

Blenkinsop you seem to be under the impression that Beethoven wrote candle in the wind. He didn't

View original

The sketch was funny. Nice work.

I've looked it up and it is in fact Elton John that wrote Candle in the Wind. He is also creditied with having played with the Spice Girls so perhaps this is what you mean?

Quote: Rob B @ February 5, 2008, 9:00 AM

I've looked it up and it is in fact Elton John that wrote Candle in the Wind. He is also creditied with having played with the Spice Girls so perhaps this is what you mean?

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Sort of Rob; but really this is what we call a joke in the world of comedy. It does require that you suspend the application of cold logic when assessing the facts as presented within the "sketch"

If you take things at face value then the illusion doesn't work you see? Anybody knows that Beethoven went mutton jeff eventually and that furthermore Posh Spice couldn't really sing backing vocals to anything.

The main comedy here stems from the concept, albeit rather far-fetched, that Posh has "clocked" Beethoven and has made the association in her mind that he is connected with music. The flamboyant dress he would undoubtedly be wearing would then cause her to draw the erroneous conclusion that Beethoven was in fact Elton John.

As I’m sure you know Elton is rather well known for his flamboyant outfits. So that’s the joke

Yah See?

Okay I'll accept that you actually meant Beethoven. Don't believe you, but I'll accept it for the sake of the argument.

Therefore you are expecting us to believe a conversation between two people one of whom had little or no understanding of the English language and Beethoven. Secondly you expect us to believe that Posh spice has somehow built a time machine, something that even the brightest minds haven't been able to achieve (apart from perhaps Cliff Richard)

Now I'm not knocking the joke as you now claim it to be, but I really think you should make it clear just how improbable and stupid the joke is before you let normal people read it.

Now look here Rob! Have you never seen Time Tunnel, Dr Who or Goodnight Sweetheart?

Next you'll be saying that Gary Sparrow couldn't go back to the war-torn London of the forties for heaven's sake!

As I once told my good friend Albert Steptoe: "You should give that lad of yours a break! He's only young once and should be allowed to have his wicked way with Yootha Joyce without you coughing your false teeth out into his soup!"

Bit long.

A line like

POSH:
You've done all that famous music ain'tcha?

dont really add anything, we get that she's clocked him as being famous already so now we are heading towards the gag - this doesnt take us there because it applies to elton and ludwig equally.

Maybe something like

POSH:
Mum and Dad used to buy me all your stuff when i was little.

Which gets us confused that Posh would have listened to him as a child, although still possible i guess.....and thus stops us being confused about the whole time travel issue

I just think it would have worked better, if the composer had been more contemporary like Mike Batt or Fergal Sharkey

Quote: Rob B @ February 5, 2008, 10:34 AM

I just think it would have worked better, if the composer had been more contemporary like Mike Batt or Fergal Sharkey

View original

If you are mocking you need to be funnier than what your are mocking

If you are serious, you need mocking

This is an amusing little sketch.

I'm sure that's all it was intended to be and, as such, it succeeds admirably.

If we're going to be picky, shouldn't someone point out that Beethoven is speaking in a rather pompous English style when he should be sounding more like your average U-Boat captain?

But let's be fair. It's funny.

What more can you ask?