Two minutes of your time. Please.

Sitcom scene. Parish Council. Dysfunctional - would it be anything else?
Hopefully self explantory.

Thanks in advance!

SCENE 16 EXT LOCATION - THE VILLAGE DAY 1 MONDAY 11.00 AM

OZZY IS OUTSIDE, DOING THE ROUNDS, CLEANING UP AFTER PEOPLE THAT SHOULD KNOW BETTER. BEFORE HE HAS GOT TO THE END OF THE ROAD HE SPOTS THE DOG MESS THAT MUST HAVE GOT JOHANNAS. HE STOPS TO INVESTIGATE.

OZZY (V.O)

There is no clearing that up!

OZZY CARRIES ALONG ON HIS MERRY WAY.

MAN 1

Oi!
(PAUSE)

Yes, you!

OZZY LOOKS ROUND OUT OF INTEREST TO SEE WHO IS SHOUTING AT WHO. THERE WAS A MAN STANDING IN HIS DOORWAY, DRESSING GOWN ON. FAG IN HAND AND BELLY ON KNEES.

MAN 1 CONT

You going to clear that up?!

OZZY

I beg your pardon sir,
I assume you are talking to me but I'm not sure
I understand the "that" to which you refer.

OZZY (V.O)

F**king care in the Community!

MAN 1

Don't come the innocent dick with me laddie,
that huge dog turd obscuring the pavement access
is what I am talking about. You've got your barrow and
tools I can see, so don't just walk past. I pay taxes for this
you know.

OZZY (V.O)

mmmm I doubt you've paid taxes on anything,
except the beer and fags, in your life you fat twat.

OZZY TO MAN

Taxes? For what sir? Not with you?

MAN 1

For plebs like you to clear mess like that up. It's disgusting
and a health hazard so I'll thank you to clear it up.

PULLING ON ALL HIS DEEPEST HELD RESERVES OF ZEN

OZZY

Sir I have neither the tools for removal of said excrement or
the inclination to be abused by someone such as yourself. I
would respectfully request that, unless and, even if, you are
a politician, that the way to influence me to do something at
your request would be with simple politeness and not the
use of such inflammatory language as that just
demonstrated. It didn't get the right honourable MP
anywhere and it will get someone like you sir,

OZZY MOTIONS TO A ROUND BALL LIKE SHAPE AND CONTINUES

about as far. I would propose that we leave the imminent
rain to sluice this away and, in good time, we will all be
availed of the benefits of the British weather. That said sir,
you are most welcome to demonstrate exactly how one is to
remove said mess, without the proper tools being as, and I
can tell an active and vibrant member of the community
when I see one, you are a fine specimen of a man and are
sure to know how best to go about such a job.

THE MANS BRAIN WHIRRED - GET UPSET OR ACCEPT THE RETORT WITH GOOD GRACE? - BEING AS HE HAD NOT A CLUE WHAT OZZY HAD JUST SAID. ERRING ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION, HE RUSHED TOWARDS OZZY FISTS WAVING.

BEFORE HE HAD TIME TO GET DOWN TWO STEPS, OZZY WAS PUSHING HIS BARROW OFF DOWN THE ALLEYWAY AND AWAY. THE MAN, THOUGHT BETTER OF PROCEEDING, BEING AS HE HAD STUBBED A TOE AND THEN STEPPED IN HIS OWN POOCH'S PRESENT, LEFT FOR HIM ON THE DOORSTEP - SAVING THE POSTMAN THAT USUAL DELIGHT.

MAN

F**king dogs!

OZZY TO HIMSELF

How very right you are sir.
Zen is a beautiful thing!

OZZY PROCEEDED AWAY DOWN THE ALLEYWAY.

A good portrayal of the Ozzy character, I could get a sense of him being intelligent and insightful but also pompous and bitter. I didn't quite get what he is supposed to be though...a warden / cleaner? or a councillor?
If it's a script for TV, I'd say it needs rewording in parts such as 'man's brain is whirring' and other descriptions like that which expect the audience to know what's going on in someone's mind.

Thanks Shandonbelle, now you say that it really has sunk in the difference between the internal characterisation and the viewers perspective. Final draft coming right up. Cheers.

This is good but ditch the swearing it detracts also keep oscasr consyytent if jes a philosopher then he won't cal
There guy as twat

Also a couple of props if the thug has a dfog its more believable it's from more believable it's from his dog and rain clouds would make Oscar seem less lazy

Again, thanks sootyj. Nice ideas about the props. Makes it more visual. Did read your post recently - benefits and bribes? Whole heartedly agree!

Thanks Ku ts a good script yoiuyre working on

Thank you kind sir? bows gracefully.

You can clearly write, but I have a feeling it works better on the page than I can see it playing out on TV

The action after "the man's brain whirred", for example, is very nicely written and would work fantastically either as an Ozzy's Diary piece of prose or perhaps as an anecdote told by Ozzy to a friend.
As a pure visual it's just a fairly ordinary piece of slapstick though.

Similarly, I get that Ozzy's supposed to be longwinded, but I still think his final speech needs to be trimmed for TV.

I think you can play on the irony of the very sophisticated and pretentious Ozzy being called a pleb by a chubby chain-smoker too.