KI: Women Bishops

BISHOP:
As you know, church attendance has been a bit...

WOMAN:
Non-existent?

BISHOP:
Yes. However - I think I may have found a way of putting bums on pews!

WOMAN:
Really? How?

BISHOP:
Well, you see, I want our new suffragan bishop to be... outrageous!

WOMAN:
Okay. And have you got anyone in mind?

BISHOP:
Yes! You!

WOMAN:
Me!? But I'm a woman!

BISHOP:
And thus outrageous!

WOMAN:
But that's against the rules!

BISHOP:
Rules!? Christianity isn't about rules! It's about sticking it to the Man!

WOMAN:
i.e. Other Christians?

BISHOP:
Well, yes, in this particular case.

WOMAN:
So, what, the job's genuinely mine?

BISHOP:
On one condition! You see, in order to generate maximum publicity - you will have to perform your sermons topless!

WOMAN:
Is that a wind-up?

BISHOP:
My dear - there's nothing unchristian about getting one's baps out!

WOMAN:
Listen - if you're being serious... look, you can find someone else to pimp - alright!?

BISHOP:
Okay, okay, what if - you keep your top on, but go bottomless instead?

WOMAN:
That's it - I'm out of here!

FX: HURRIED FOOTSTEPS

BISHOP:
You'd be behind the pulpit - for Christ's sake! (TO HIMSELF) Women! It's as if they don't want to be liberated!

Hey Groovudude. Thanks for kicking off the Kirrin Island sketch submissions. Women bishops is a topic we've got to cover.
Alison

I like it.
Nice & concise with a funny premise.

Quote: groovydude89 @ December 6 2012, 6:26 PM GMT

BISHOP:
Rules!? Christianity isn't about rules! It's about sticking it to the Man!

View original

This line alone has just brightened up my day.

Agree with Bomsh about the line above -- it's exceptional.

Sketch good up to that point, but a bit 'by numbers' after that. Would be good if it went a bit unexpected after that. For instance, align it with some great works of women over the years rather than The Sun's way of doing it. You know, 'You're going to have to thrown yourself under a horse to win over the congregation' or 'discover radiation and die horribly of tumours'. Maybe not that bad taste, but that sort of thread.

Decent sketch though. Thanks

Dan

I think there's a nice flow to this sketch but I'll admit I was a little turned off by the topless line and I think Dan's idea is an interesting one. What have women gone through to get liberated and do they really want to do that.

If you could re-write and post we'd love to read it.

Thanks for all the feedback. I'm going to have a go at redrafting it.

BISHOP:
As you know, church attendance has been a bit...

WOMAN:
Non-existent?

BISHOP:
Yes. However - I think I may have found a way of putting bums on pews.

WOMAN:
Really? How?

BISHOP:
Well, you see, I want our new suffragan bishop to be... outrageous!

WOMAN:
Okay. And have you got anyone in mind?

BISHOP:
Yes. You!

WOMAN:
Me? But I'm a woman!

BISHOP:
And thus outrageous.

WOMAN:
But that's against the rules!

BISHOP:
Rules? Christianity isn't about rules! It's about sticking it to the Man!

WOMAN:
i.e. Other Christians?

BISHOP:
Look - there's no need to split hairs.

WOMAN:
Okay then, so when do I start?

BISHOP:
Woah, now - there is one condition. You see, we've got to create the impression that I've been forced into appointing you.

WOMAN:
We do?

BISHOP:
Listen, I've got a fusty reputation. And I fully intend on keeping it.

WOMAN:
So how do we go about creating this illusion?

BISHOP:
It's simple! You and thirty of your friends will 'occupy' the church, and then after a few days - I'll 'acquiesce'.

WOMAN:
But I haven't got thirty friends.

BISHOP:
I thought you were on Facebook?

WOMAN:
I am.

BISHOP:
Well, then don't tell me that you haven't got thirty friends!

RE: The rewrite - I don't think it's funny and the punchline is nowhere near strong enough.

And don't use so many exclamation marks.

I'll have a go!

BISHOP:
As you know, church attendance has...

WOMAN:
...Been in a terminal state of decline, for decades?

BISHOP:
Yes. However - I think I may have found a way of putting bums on pews!

WOMAN:
Oh really?

BISHOP:
Well, you see, I want our new suffragan bishop to be... outrageous!

WOMAN:
You can't cause outrage in 2012. It's the kids I feel sorry for. The Sex Pistols only had to spit and say f**k to get attention, but what do you do nowadays? It's no wonder that nobody in the music business is making any money. Sorry Bishop, I shouldn't talk like that in the company of...

BISHOP:
You could help me.

WOMAN:
How?

BISHOP:
By being a woman!

WOMAN:
and?

BISHOP:
And thus outrageous!

WOMAN:
But that's against the rules!

BISHOP:
Rules!? (whispers) We've been buggering choir-boys, for as long as I...

WOMAN:
Maybe you should form a band? Call it Bishop Takes Pawn, or something.

BISHOP:
I think you'll find the pay and perks quite tempting.

WOMAN:
So, what, the job's genuinely mine?

BISHOP:
On one condition! You see, in order to generate maximum publicity - you will have to perform your sermons topless!

WOMAN:
That's just insulting to women. Anyway, my tits have fallen faster than HMV's share-price in the last few years. My ass, on the other hand...

BISHOP:
Curves that Henry Moore would have been proud of, but you'll be facing the front.

WOMAN:
I could walk back and forth, like Eddie Murphy in Delirious. Do you know, even straight guys thought his ass looked hot in that leather suit?...

BISHOP:
How about you keep your top on, but go bottomless instead?

WOMAN:
Oh, this is ridiculous.

FX: HURRIED FOOTSTEPS

BISHOP:
The church wants to change, Madam! All we ask is that you try and meet us, halfway! ...Is Eddie Murphy still getting work, these days?