Weights and measures inspectors

Internal Pub - Two men in suits from the weights and measures department, testing the measurement of drinks. The barman is behind the bar and there is 1 customer sitting on a stool propped against the bar.

The inspectors finish measuring and provide the barman with a certificate, then inspector 1 turns to the customer at the bar.

Inspector 1 :
Ok sir you next

Customer:
What do you mean?

Inspector 1:
Now come on we are not stupid, we know who you are

Customer:
I am sorry mate I haven't got a clue what you are on about.

Inspector 1:
Listen we are just doing our job, we don't want to have to call the police

Customer empties pockets, and produces 3 bags of hash and 4 wraps of cocaine

Inspector places weighing scales on bar and proceeds to weigh the drugs.

Fade out

Good joke, but the twist I think would be funnier if they were inspecting the dealers weighing scales rather than his drugs.

Yes I see what you mean, that makes more sense checking his equipment

ooh er missus

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ December 2 2012, 4:54 PM GMT

ooh er missus

View original

Ha ha I can see what you mean now. More tea vicar

Carlos one thing I will say is your dialogue can be as little flat and lacking in character you might want to practise finding a way to make it a bit livelier

Thanks sooty, that is good to know I will look into how I can inject a little bit of life into it, probably need to read more scripts to see how it is done properly. Good advice - Thanks

Just read through scripts and get a feel for them. I remember a great quote about the golden days of the Simpsons is that every character, however small had their own story.

So with your inspector is he;
a pumped up testosterone junky who thinks he's in a mixture of SWAT and the Sweeney saving the world from bad measurements.

or is a snivelling little jobs worth, with round glasses and a desire to make the whole world measure up correctly.

or is a ditzy blond who one has no idea how they got the job.

get the character, picture them and then start imagining how they talk.

For what its worth I find this really difficult myself.

Yes I know what you mean now, and I can see how my writing is sort of 1 dimensional and lifeless when it comes to the characters, I never thought about that bit when I was writing little skits I thought I only had to do that if I was writing a sitcom. Course it makes sense and it is probably more fun, if I could learn it.

You could try adding some build up, with maybe a few snappers jokes leading up to the big punchline, as this sketch probably lasts a little over ten-fifteen seconds (you'd be surprised how fast dialogue is read). If a sketch is too short the audience hasn't really had a chance to process what is going on before it's over, so they might miss the joke. Just an idea.

Start with monologues.

When writing longer pieces I tend to write a character introducing themselves. Before actually writing the whole script.

So why not have a go at a monologue. And watch peep show tonight as the preeminent example of how to do it well.

Thanks for the advice Scouldy, I will try it out next time and Sooty I will watch and take notes

Quote: Scouldy @ December 2 2012, 5:51 PM GMT

You could try adding some build up, with maybe a few snappers jokes leading up to the big punchline, as this sketch probably lasts a little over ten-fifteen seconds (you'd be surprised how fast dialogue is read). If a sketch is too short the audience hasn't really had a chance to process what is going on before it's over, so they might miss the joke. Just an idea.

View original

Great advice.

I Like it.
Can you make the script a bit longer please?
But it is a great try.

Thanks, it is back on the drawing board and I am sharpening my pencil.