Quote: sootyj @ November 21 2012, 5:02 PM GMTLets see your A game?
A promoter once told me to "bring my A game", so I took "Articulate".
Favourite Jokes of your own Page 3
Booyah to the last 2
I just phoned the optician for an appointment - he said he couldn't see me,
Quote: Stephen Birch @ November 29 2012, 9:16 AM GMTI just phoned the optician for an appointment - he said he couldn't see me,
My optician just dumped me - he said I wouldn't be able to see him any more.
Just got a massive spoiler on my car. It says "Bruce Willis is a ghost"
Just bought some of those new '007' condoms. They make you roger more.
I've got a condition called 'Housework Constipation'. I couldn't give a shit.
First time I had sex was with a girl who worked in a bakery. She was very tight so we had to use a flap-jack.
My penis is exactly the same length as an iced finger. I'm now banned from Greggs.
They say fruit's great for keeping you regular. I think that's true, I just got my Orange bill and shit myself.
EDIT: Actually I'm not sure all of those are mine. Hard to remember after all the gags I've written over the years. To date - about 30,000. No really. 
Quote: dellas @ November 22 2012, 6:44 PM GMTTree disease
Hmmm, surely there's a Three Degrees/Prince Charles/Talking to plants gag waiting to be written....
...or perhaps not...
What do you get if you cross a greengrocer with a carpenter? Veg-tables.
What do you get if you cross a cat and a dog?
Arrested for animal cruelty
What do you get if you cross Kriss Kross
With Kris Kristopherson.
A Merry Krissmass
Why did the chicken cross the road
Because his ducking taxes paid for that dormouse crossing
Why did the chicken cross the road
Because his ducking taxes paid for that dormouse crossing
Quote: sootyj @ November 30 2012, 5:43 PM GMTWhy did the chicken cross the road
Because his ducking taxes paid for that dormouse crossing
Why did the chicken cross the road
Because his ducking taxes paid for that dormouse crossing
Writing a gag twice doesn't double the humour Sooty
Or even half the humour.
My first parody, methinks moi 'twere six, was to the tune of
The Circus March (Is that the song's title???)
and it went something as this.....
"Everybody loves a mucus membrane." [repeat]
Hey! WTfudge, I 'twere six.
Here are some of my visual parodies.
Beatles
let it pee
http://www.amiright.com/photoshops/images/album_1189868762.png
sith the beatles
http://www.amiright.com/photoshops/images/album_1191562901.png
Stones
surgery for the Neville
http://www.amiright.com/photoshops/images/album_1143633094.jpg
rolling stones flours
http://www.amiright.com/photoshops/images/album_1193377878.png