Real Ambulance Chasers

I've written this in my lunch hour and managed to prove to myself that I am stark-raving bonkers. What does everyone else think (ahem, of the *sketch*)?

Cheers

Dan
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Real Ambulance Chasers

INT. TV STUDIO. A VERY SMARTLY DRESSED DOG IS EMPHATICALLY ADDRESSING THE CAMERA.

DOG:
Have you ever been run over by an ambulance on its way to an emergency?

THREE DOGS WOOF SIMULTANEOUSLY IN THE BACKGROUND

DOG:
And would you like some sort of compensation for your injuries?

THREE DOGS WOOF SIMULTANEOUSLY IN THE BACKGROUND

DOG:
Well, you can! With 'Real Ambulance Chasers', the punishment fits the crime! We'll track down that ambulance that mowed you down with one of our specialist warriors!

CUT TO:

CASSIE THE POOCH ON A LEASH HAPPILY STANDING AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD BY A PUDDLE.

DOG:
(V/O) Cassie was perfectly happy on a walk with her owner, when the unthinkable happened...

AN EMERGENCY SIREN BUILDS FROM NOTHING BUILDING THE TENSION

DOG:
(V/O) Without any sort of warning at all, Cassie suddenly lost...

THE AMBULANCE SCYTHES THROUGH THE PUDDLE SOAKING CASSIE TO THE FUR.

DOG:
(V/O) ... her PRIDE!

A SOAKED CASSIE LOOKS FORLORNLY AT THE CAMERA, AS THE AMBULANCE SIREN FADES AWAY IN THE DISTANCE.

CUT TO:

DOG:
(V/O) 'Real Ambulance Chasers' sent out one of our top warriors...

CROSS-BREED BETWEEN A GREYHOUND AND A ROTTWEILER MUSCULARLY TEARS THROUGH A WET ROAD. WE HEAR THE SAME AMBULANCE SIREN GETTING PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER AS THE WARRIOR DRAMATICALLY AVOIDS ALL MANNER OF CARS, BUSES, PEDESTRIANS AND THE ACTION MOVES INTO MATRIX-STYLE 'BULLET-TIME' AS A CYCLIST ON A ZEBRA CROSSING BRAKES SUDDENLY AND TOPPLES OVER HER HANDLE-BARS.

DOG:
(V/O) ... to gain RETRIBUTION!

HE CATCHES UP WITH THE AMBULANCE AND TAKES A FEROCIOUS BITE OUT OF ONE OF THE TYRES. THE AMBULANCE TYRE BLOWS OUT AND ALL MOVES INTO SLOW-MOTION AS THE AMBULANCE SPECTACULARLY AND THEATRICALLY CRASHES IN A MASSIVE CLOUD OF DUST.

CUT TO:

STUDIO. DOG ON-SCREEN AGAIN.

DOG:
Now, Cassie's happy, aren't you Cassie?

SHOT OF BONE-DRY WITH RIBBON IN HAIR POOCH, PANTING HAPPILY.

CASSIE:
Woof!

DOG:
So, when you need revenge on an ambulance: remember! Real Ambulance Chasers! We're the dog's bollocks!

DOG PAUSES SMUGLY LOOKING AT CAMERA WITH AS CLOSE TO THUMBS-UP AS HE CAN. QUICKLY-STATED VOICEOVER FOLLOWS.

VOICEOVER:
(V/O) Also available for other vehicular retribution. Your kennel is at risk if you do not keep up repayments.

END

It’s certainly imaginative. The dramatic build up to how the presenter pooch says how the poodle lost her.........pride made me smile, I kinda imagined all the audience waiting for what he would say next, on the edge of their chairs and then a close up on his eyes and then a flash shot of the poor poodle soaking wet, acting like a diva.

I think there is more that could be added or done. Maybe emphasise on how the ambulance is going to save a old lady or someone really worthy but because a bloody dog get wet the doggy world thinks this is a worthy reason to destroy the vehicle and in so destroying the only chance to save the poor old lady. So while the old lady breaths her last breath, the ambulance drivers hang through their windows the doggy world look pretty pleased with themselves for getting JUST revenge for their poodle getting wet

Hi Dan

My first response was eh!?

But I have had a re-read and assume that this is satirising the dog loving culture of these islands of ours and also general cable channel advertising.

Am I right? Cos if I am I think it works well but if it's not then it's back to eh!?

On a slightly similar matter.

I remember once my wife was collecting door to door for a worthy human cause and her best friend, our neighbour, was also collecting in the same road for an animal charity.

Who do you think got the most wonga? You're right.

Quote: Blenkinsop @ February 21, 2007, 4:32 PM

But I have a re-read and assume that this is satirising the dog loving culture of these islands of ours and also general cable channel advertising.

Am I right? Cos if I am I think it works well but if it's not then it's back to eh!?

View original

Hi Blenk

Half-right. I meant the crappy advertising, but now you mention it I suppose the first bit is true too!

Hey, I'm cleverer than I realised me!

I think Scott's suggestion about the old lady (or similar) might make an improvement to it, especially in light of my recent... ahem... epiphany... into what I actually meant.

Cheers for comments

Dan

It was a bit confusing for me, I don't get where the "real ambulance chaser" bit comes in? But an ad on just compo. for dogs would be better IMHO of course! Dogpensation if you will.

The Kennel line is pure genius though.

Dan

I liked it, would make a fantastic animation and I agree with Shoepie that the voiceover at the end is class.
Maybe it could be a kinda superhero gang or a dog version of Charlie angels with a bloodhound (for tracking), Greyhound (for speed) and the rottwieler (for muscle) or maybe i'm just thinking too much and need a lie down!
Good stuff.

I was into it straight away and I really like it. Good animation potential. Maybe tighten up/speed up the final third, but otherwise good stuff.

I must agree with you Dan - you indeed are bonkers (or should that be barking in this case?). Either way, quite sureal but funny in places. Needs tightening up a bit and if you managed to find another couple of lines like the last one (think everyone seems to like that kennel line) then it really would start to take shape. For a lunch-time sketch however it is doing OK!
Could do a few of these on similar advertising themes - eg Dog asking "Would you like to consolidate your bones" or perhaps "Refused Cat Credit?" etc - mind you, if not animating would love to see you trying to film them!
Andy

Cheers guys

I do think animation is really the way to go here (sorry, Andy!) so if anyone can do this justice in 3-D 'Pixar/Dreamworks'-quality rendered animation please feel free. Or even in 2-D like a badly-drawn Roobarb & Custard to be honest!

Wish I could animate and/or art but I'm afraid writing skills are all you're getting!

(Seriously, I would work on the script if someone wanted to but no big deal if not.)

Dan