Quote: Harridan @ November 26 2012, 9:14 AM GMTJust paying for a couple of tickets to a gig I'm going to with a friend and have just realised that my friend always just doesn't have the cash on her to pay me for her ticket, but she'll pay me back next time... I must have paid for about £80 worth of tickets for her. Is there a way to bring that up without embarrassing her or sounding really tight? hmm...
"Give me my money you f**king sponging c**t!!"
Next gig- you can't afford can she pay?..after all
I think I'm too awkwardly middle class to mention money owed outright. I think if she has no cash again I'll go with a variation on dellas' idea. She's such a cheeky cow, how can she not have noticed that she never pays for tickets?
Get rid of this person, they sound like a piss taker, tell them you are not their entertainment officer and tell them to bugger off!
Friends and money are not always a good mix and some people just get into the habit of not paying. Either because they think you're richer than them, or because they just don't think about money.
You need to call bullshit on this though, because other than the money it will piss you off. And is no reason to lose a good friend.
So here's the Sootyj solution. Say "I bought the tickets but I've got a tax bill, bus fine, weevil infestation" whatever, and I need the money urgently.
Could you send it to me via paypal, BACS what ever before the concert.
A little white lie, but usually there's a reason why we all need money urgently.
If she doesn't pay the she isn't a friend.
Sometimes though if it is obvious they are not good friends and just using you as a cash card it is better to clear the air. A real friend just says I can't afford it and either doesn't go or you offer to buy the ticket. I hate these kind of mind games, they put you in an impossible position. It all depends on how much you value their friendship.
Some people do have a screwy attitude towards money. I had a friend who was just always broke even though he was earning twice what I was on. And was always borrowing money, and would make such an unbelievable stick if I asked him to pay it back. And was just shameless, I mean I once leant him a tenner and then he ordered his girlfriend a really expensive bunch of flowers off of interflora on his mobi. So in the end enough was enough I insisted on getting back the lot he owed me (well I got about £20) and he stopped talking to me. When he moved to the states he didn't tell me.
The money was important to him than our friendship. And my self respect was more important to me than both.
It's one of those loose wires people get. Where just really selfish behaviours kick in.
Quote: sootyj @ November 26 2012, 10:45 AM GMTSome people do have a screwy attitude towards money. I had a friend who was just always broke even though he was earning twice what I was on. And was always borrowing money, and would make such an unbelievable stick if I asked him to pay it back. And was just shameless, I mean I once leant him a tenner and then he ordered his girlfriend a really expensive bunch of flowers off of interflora on his mobi. So in the end enough was enough I insisted on getting back the lot he owed me (well I got about £20) and he stopped talking to me. When he moved to the states he didn't tell me.
The money was important to him than our friendship. And my self respect was more important to me than both.
It's one of those loose wires people get. Where just really selfish behaviours kick in.
That's the problem, some people are just users. Some friends you tell to just forget it, they are mates and your glad to help them out, but others just take the piss. In my book a friend should be there for you and you for them but its not a one way street. Sadly there are always people happy to take advantage of someones kindness. Those kind of people I can do without, life is too short.
Money between friends can be really awkward. I'm inclined to think she's just forgetful, but it does get to a point where being that forgetful about the money you owe is an indication that you don't care enough. It's such a contrast to another friend of mine who also never has cash on her, but she will insist on finding a cash point or hound me for my bank details so she can pay me back. I think if she forgets to pay me back again it'll be the last time.
Thats why you make it clear you need it for something and she can do it electronically. It's like a legendary friend of my sisters was unbelievably selfish. Filled a friends flat with leaves because it was an autumn party (I mean literally 3 bin bags full)
And once annoyed a house mate so much she through a cat at her, her own cat.
I mean how angry do you have to be to throw your own cat at somebody?
I mean conversley I've always been much happier being entirely open about being broke with friends. So you know inviting them round for dinner if you can't get a round in, asking people to go to a cheaper pub or smuggling a bottle of vodka into the pub.
Being straight forward in my view is just way more fun. I mean I lived in this hippy flatshare where as the only employed person I was the token plutocrat.
Which meant buying the month past its sell by date beer at the offie at the bottom of the hill. And one of my lazy flatmates dragging it to the top.
Quote: sootyj @ November 26 2012, 11:13 AM GMTThats why you make it clear you need it for something and she can do it electronically. It's like a legendary friend of my sisters was unbelievably selfish. Filled a friends flat with leaves because it was an autumn party (I mean literally 3 bin bags full)
And once annoyed a house mate so much she through a cat at her, her own cat.I mean how angry do you have to be to throw your own cat at somebody?
Catacliymically angry.
No one ever minds if your honest, we've all been there, and normally a mate will be happy to help and vice versa, but when you sneakily borrow with no intention to pay backthat's low.
You might as well just steal something.
Quote: sootyj @ November 26 2012, 11:20 AM GMTYou might as well just steal something.
As far as I'm concerned they already are.
Thing is I don't *need* it, and I don't want to guilt-trip her and lie to her. I think I just need to not pay for things and expect to be paid back - I must have lost hundreds as a student because housemates wouldn't pay me for their portion of the bills.
Wow, she sounds pretty awful! I have had unbelievably appalling housemates in the past (one got me so livid that I slapped her and she called 999). I hope never to have to live with someone else again unless I can evict them!
It's not need, but it's all about self respect. If a friends in trouble and they say lend us £20 but I don't no when I can pay you back. Then you understand don't you?