Thanks to the organisers for choosing the Sci-fi theme. My entry may not evidence this well, but I love Sci-fi, and really enjoyed writing mine, and reading everyone elses.
As feedback is an important part of the Trials I have made a concerted effort to give descriptions of what did or didn't work for me personally. ...Which is why it's taken me so bloody long!
Hopefully this will be seen as helpful and well-meaning (as oppose to the alternative which would mean that I have spent a huge amount of time going into detail simply to offend each person in a more detailed way ... )
Here are my reviews:-
51 Roswell Road - NO - My favourite line was: "Although technically edible". I found the characters a little unbelievable, and more importantly unsympathetic. I thought there were plenty of well-observed lines in there but not enough proper laughs for a stage sitcom. Did like "withering sexual optimism" though.
Alice and The Genie - YES - Clear Characters, series potential, plenty of laughs and a tidy story. Enjoyed reading it. My only negative would be that the Genie was a bit pantomime-y in places and that could grate in a longer episode (though honestly not a problem here). Maybe a darker edgy side could periodically show itself? Favourite line: "Course I'm a genie, I'm wearing bleeding pantaloons."
Aliens - YES - Well-written, distinct characters, funny, enjoyed reading it, think it would work well on stage. Liked "It was the moon" and "Or Lewisham."
Apocalypse - NO - Although the bits that I did understand were quite good, there was a lot that went over my head. I don't think it could work on stage as it stands, it needs visual clues to give context to the often surreal dialogue. I had to read bits of it several times to work out what was meant but I did really like the line "It's like when I went to Chester and it was nothing like HollyOaks" along with several others "relevant to our degrees" etc
Apocalyptic Cake Sale - MAYBE - Funny, liked the contrast of the main characters, enjoyed it on the whole but thought it went off a bit after the cliffhanger. Nice original story springing from the characters.
Area47a - MAYBE - Some very funny lines, especially liked "Though we have high hopes for that 250 quid from You've Been Framed" and "You know where I stand on feelers." The first scene in the field could be cut entirely with a single line of exposition about how Prof X met his demise, and the cliffhanger didn't feel very satisfying (though again, enjoyed "teaching Heinz vocabulary").
A Womb With A View To A Kill - NO - Seriously, make this one stop now cos it's messing with my actual mind. I have to ask, is this some kind of Derren Brown experiment?!!
Bunk - YES - The best one of the lot, clear characters, great story, clear series potential, very funny throughout, loved the premise and really enjoyed reading it. Favourite lines: "Would you buy a pickled shark without one?" and "May contain Kelly Brook"
Burrax - The Bringer of Desserts - YES - It made me laugh and I enjoyed the whole thing. I have concerns about such large chunks of narration working on stage (might get a bit Jackanory) and no series potential due to the ending but it was very funny so what the hell, yes.
Chimps - YES - Very funny, fast moving story and sets up the series. (I've resolved to study it!) Enjoyed reading it, slightly silly in places but in a good way. Favourite lines "I gave that up long ago" and "Sorry, Beefcake."
Clarice - MAYBE - Detailed and interesting, but then nothing after the cliff-hanger (otherwise would have been a 'Yes'). One niggle, the character of Clarice didn't have much of a personality. Gabriel and Brett are very clear though and some good funny lines.
Country Rock Halloween Special - MAYBE - The characters are distinct, the story moves along, written nicely, it's gently amusing but to be honest I didn't laugh very often (although I still like "scientifically?") It's probably a personal taste thing as most seem to like it. I think I personally just don't identify with the situation / characters.
Dome Sweet Dome - YES - REALLY enjoyed ALL the sci-fi references (and I'm sad enough to recognise every single one!) Characters were great, likeable and clear, story was easy to follow and quick to read. Intro re dirty telephone was brilliant, Favourite line: "Don't let the bed-nanites crawl into your ear and rewrite your brain structure!"
Event Horizon Crescent - MAYBE - I quite liked this, but (without wanting to sound like a tired Paul Daniels reference) not a lot. It's a bit like one long sketch really and I'm not sure it would work on stage. I've given it a maybe though because as a bit of fun it's ok.
Face Time - MAYBE - I liked this, entertaining story and think it could work well on stage, last line finished it nicely. My only criticism would be that some of the dialogue felt old and well-trodden e.g. 'Christ on a pogo-stick' and PotNoodles, being particularly well-used already. Liked "whining like Cheryl Cole" though.
Great Space - YES - very funny, unusual rhythm to the dialogue but I quite enjoyed that and the story and characters more than held my interest for the longer sections. Particularly liked "Eau d'biohazard".
Hey Human! Get Out Of My Wife - NO - It started out ok, but the story was too unlikely and bizarre for me. Also, unless I deliberately tried to hear the dream cast's voices the characters were vague and if I'm honest it wasn't really funny.
King Chicken and the Ning-Nings - YES - Took a moment to gauge the style but, once I had, I enjoyed it. Liked the silly humour, wasn't so keen on the audience participation on paper but it probably would work well on stage. Characters were good, especially the idea of them having been re-assembled with quirks / new gender.
Men In Brown - MAYBE - I liked the premise and the characters but some of it's mystique remained a mystery to me at the end, like what was in the swimming pool? Still, it's difficult to tie-up all loose ends in such a short time. It was funny, liked the line about Earth being like Greece.
Not From Round Here - MAYBE - I think the characters could all do with a bit more 'likeability'. On paper, "dense human, abducted by accident, helps evil alien captors improve at drug-running" doesn't sound great but actually I enjoyed it. Relies quite a lot on performance of the lines for humour so could do with a few extra jokes but I did like it.
Nova FM - NO - The characters are unlikeable and the story is hard to follow due in part to dull patches of dialogue and in part to not caring enough about the characters to want to. There are a few good lines, the last half of page 10 is good and the first half of page 11, the rest of it could do with being more like those.
Our Mutual Friend - NO - There was no real tension between the two main characters, despite their differences, they agreed with each other on pretty much everything. Max is unpleasant so his unpleasantness should be the source of more of the comedy. Same really with Stargazer. Interesting idea for a story though and Bernie was a clear character and his lines worked best. Liked "why have you flicked my telepathy switch to the 'off' position?"
Sky-Level - NO - All the action happened after the cliffhanger, until then it was just people talking about what had happened in the past to set the scene of the current world. The only jokes were goat-based and it's not a genre I have any affinity with. There was also far too generous a sprinkling of colons, pubes and screw-driver stabbings.
Space Cowgirl - YES - Because it's mine. There is a small chance that in my excitement to write something new with a sci-fi theme, I may have over-tinkered with this... All and any feedback is much appreciated.
Space Vets - YES - I liked this, it felt a bit Blackadder-ish in a good way. I particularly enjoyed the missing alien and the unspeakable hideousness of the alien in the box. Nicely funny.
Stanburg - YES! - "Peter Davison was reading it wrong" and the 'I'-phone stuff made it a definite 'yes' from the start. I really enjoyed the surreal style this time, I may have enjoyed it even more if I understood all of it (which I didn't) but I enjoyed it's intense energy as it was.
Starship Impossible - MAYBE - It made me laugh and I enjoyed most of it but it got a bit confused at times and it would have been better with a resolution ending but I liked all the Moose/Meese and 'I think I know what you think I think' stuff. I also liked all the descriptive character names, that can sometimes be cheesy but it made me laugh here.
S.U. - NO - Liked the superhero dynasty stuff, but thought more could have been done with it. The character's Steve and Mart didn't seem distinct enough from each other, they had similar flaws. Quite a few funny lines "Do you think my dad doesn't have a temper? His name is FuryMan!" and "Two words; Paul Daniels" but not enough laughs at the start, or throughout. Rachel and Bec seem very underwritten and don't seem very plausible.
The Crew - NO - To be brutally honest there is no real story, no cliffhanger and the characters, style and details are far too similar to the 'The Office' even though set in space. However, the bits that were funny in 'The Office' were funny in this.
Them and Us - NO - Almost a 'maybe' because I did like the 'swooshy' door stuff but ultimately the story didn't go anywhere. Also, I felt that 'The Thick Of It' style didn't really work with the sci-fi nature of the story, and I didn't get the relentless 'Tin-e' stuff (though that could just be me). Really did like "Permission to take a moment to stare into space with a look of grave concern" though, nice.
The Princess of Darkness Wants A Tan - YES - Brilliant, thoroughly enjoyed this, funny from start to finish, great premise and characters. Favourite line: "Typical father, flamboyant even in death, always showing off." Could easily 'see' this on radio as a series. (Not watched clip yet as computer playing up but will do).
Time Travel Tours - MAYBE - Good story, very sci-fi, funny but felt it could have been funnier. Really enjoyed the story and resolution though, and liked "It provides shelter from the rain" and 'Fanny by Gaslight' confusion.
Where No MAN Has Gone Before! - NO - I found the female characters unreal and the situation too unlikely and also couldn't see a cliffhanger. Liked "This rock" and "poisonous lesbian icing" though.
Unfortunately, I was unable to open the trelby file (and sorry can't see the replacement either) and also could not open the docx files as my scratty computer is too old.
