Quote: zooo @ November 10 2012, 10:43 PM GMTOh goddddddd.
I made a joke about a kid getting run over by a bus to my dad, only to remember later his brother got run over by a bus as a child. *massive facepalm*
Was he killed?
Your embarrassing moments... Page 2
Quote: Tuumble @ November 9 2012, 3:56 PM GMTI had an embarrassing situation at the bank yesterday.
Don't ask me why they were in my pocket during working hours (I'm not sure I know myself) but I managed to pull out not one but two condoms from my pocket which landed on the floor for all the lunchtime crowd to see.
I was first aware of what I'd done because of two giggling female bank staff before a male staff member (coincidentally a Facebook friend) quickly picked up the 'items' and passed them to me to avoid further humiliation.
I was mortified but found it hilarious too. Point is, how can I go back there after that episode? The irony is I'd made an appointment to switch banks literally 5 minutes earlier so I might not have to!
I'm guessing it wasn't a sperm bank.
(Hope nobody else said that)
Quote: Will Cam @ November 10 2012, 10:47 PM GMT
Yep!
Actually now I think about it I didn't know about it at all until after I told the joke. When I heard the story later on I remembered I'd told it. So I suppose it was just unfortunate rather than insensitive.
My most embarrassing story was the day I stood on the hem of the long skirt as I climbed the stairs on a bus. The skirt pulled down to my knees leaving me flashing my pants to the whole of the top deck.
Of course the only seat was in the back row and I had to walk past everyone red faced and sit in absolute shame for an hours journey into work.
The skirt was chucked in the bin that evening.
I was once on a bus when this old sort staggered upstairs with her skirt round her ankles flashing everything she had and then sat there for an hour while the rest of us tried to look the other way !
Quote: zooo @ November 10 2012, 10:43 PM GMTOh goddddddd.
I made a joke about a kid getting run over by a bus to my dad, only to remember later his brother got run over by a bus as a child. *massive facepalm*
You monster!
Quote: zooo @ November 10 2012, 10:51 PM GMTYep!
Actually now I think about it I didn't know about it at all until after I told the joke. When I heard the story later on I remembered I'd told it. So I suppose it was just unfortunate rather than insensitive.
Stop digging . .
I got on a packed double decker bus to be told by the driver that there was room for 'one' upstairs.
At the top of the stairs I scanned the bus for the 'room for one' but couldn't see a spare seat. Then someone pointed to a seat with a very fat woman sat on it.
She was that fat, she took more than three quarters of the seat up and just left the edge for me to try get one bum-cheek on.
She even managed a disaproving look as I shuffled for a bit of purchase.
So sat there with one leg in the aisle trying to balance, I felt a fart coming on.
I put full internal lock on to stop it escaping but my wierd sitting position wasn't helping.
Then the bus went down a pot hole and the whole bus shook followed by the loudest fart I have ever heard. Even the people downstairs must have heard it
I might have been able to brazen it out but two schoolboys at the front had turned round and were asking their mates at the back who had done it and when they looked at me, I knew that I'd been fingered.
And when from the corner of my eye, I could see 'fat lady' furiously fanning herself I knew it was time to get off the bus.
I fell asleep on a coach to Preston once. When I awoke I was laid on my back across two chairs, with my feet resting on the floor. I don't know what I'd been dreaming about but I had a rather obvious erection. The old lady sat adjacent to me could see everything. To make it worse I immediately pretended it was just the fabric of my trousers that had rucked up and I started making a big song and dance about trying to flatten it out and tugging the fabric back into place, which of course only made it look like I was fiddling with myself.
How do you know she hasn't been strangling your captain Picard?
How do you know she hasn't been strangling your captain Picard?
Yep
She could have been riding you like a jockey
You could be a father
Or have Aids
Quote: lofthouse @ November 11 2012, 1:55 PM GMTYep
She could have been riding you like a jockey
You could be a father
Or have Aids
Can I just point out that my penis wasn't actually out, it was safe and snug tucked in my pants. And anyway I think I'd have noticed if some HIV-ridden Octogenarian was lowering her dried-up old tripe-cake onto my personage.
Quote: Lee Henman @ November 11 2012, 2:02 PM GMTCan I just point out that my penis wasn't actually out, it was safe and snug tucked in my pants. And anyway I think I'd have noticed if some HIV-ridden Octogenarian was lowering her dried-up old tripe-cake onto my personage.
Lmao
Yes
But you WERE asleep
She might have removed said organ from your pantelage , used you like a space hopper , then popped the old chap back in your grundys
Sneaky old buggers these pensioners
So what were you dreaming?
She may well have been rubbing you through your trousers
OAP rape doesn't just happen to pensioners