British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,117

I thought I said don't start me...

1. Overfilling - heinous on many levels (see what I did there?)
a)They're just trying to push the wine. The only way they could get more in is by filling the glass with pins - thus creating the 'miniscus' effect. Piss off.
b)Chilled wine, once out of the ice-bucket(more on this later!) warms up pretty rapidly. If you overfill, I end up with hot wine, or I have to glug it down - part of the plan, I'm sure.
c) Red wine needs room in the glass - 50% of taste is smell.
d)It's ugly. Just because you have the aesthetic sense of a veruka, don't drag me into your private hell.
2. Ice-buckets - the clue is in the question. This should involve a bucket and some ice. A piece of terracotta downpipe is not an ice-bucket. The best it can hope to do is stop the already far too warm wine from warming up too fast. An ice-bucket brings the temperature down, stupid.
3. 'Trying the wine' - OK, in some bistro environments, and if you've ordered the house wine, it's acceptable to just leave the opened bottle at the table - but opened 'at' the table, mind you. I don't want the cooking wine topped up from the slops tray, thank you very much. Pouring it without even asking is very poor form. And will someone please tell these people that you try the wine to check that it's not 'off' - not to see if you like it. So when I say " I don't think that's quite right" don't then ask if there's something I'd like to try, like I'm the one who doesn't know his arse from his elbow. No - I want that wine, but in it's correct condition.
The other crime is mixing bottles. If I order another bottle of the same variety, don't just splosh it into our half-full glasses. And when I say," Can I try it first?" - don't answer with "But it's the same wine - you've tried it already." Good grief.
4. Prices - all this ameteurish-ness would be marginally more acceptable if they didn't put so much on to the wine. And why is it a percentage rather than a flat charge? I often end up drinking cheap wine - a deal worse than I have at home - because it galls me to pay 250% mark up. The other evening it was my birthday, so we managed a rare night out (4 kids). Because I wanted a nice bottle of wine, I was forced into a bottle of Cloudy Bay - a wine I know retails - retails , mind you - at £20 a bottle if you look around.
Their price? £49.

Bugger me.

is it not easier to go to BYOB resturnt?

Or just enjoy a couple of cans of spesh down the part with an abandoned kebab?

Quote: Lazzard @ October 29 2012, 2:29 PM GMT

Bugger me.

Don't get me started on the buggering either! Some of them really don't know their arse from their elbow.

Quote: sootyj @ October 29 2012, 2:39 PM GMT

is it not easier to go to BYOB resturnt?

Or just enjoy a couple of cans of spesh down the part with an abandoned kebab?

Always ask about BYOB now.
Some have wised up - sticking you between £10 - £15 corkage.
Not too bad if you're bringing in relativley expensive wine - a bit steep if the wine's in the £10 bracket.

The Spesh & Kebab sounds temting, though....
Do they have a table for 6?

Quote: Lee @ October 29 2012, 2:40 PM GMT

Don't get me started on the buggering either! Some of them really don't know their arse from their elbow.

One way or another , you're getting f**ked.

The abandoned shopping trolleys mine alright I think someone had. White on the bench

As for BYOB any restaurant from a none booze culture tend not to charge

Quote: Badge @ October 29 2012, 2:07 PM GMT

Stop wining.

:P

Quote: Lazzard @ October 29 2012, 2:29 PM GMT

I thought I said don't start me...

1. Overfilling - heinous on many levels (see what I did there?)
a)They're just trying to push the wine. The only way they could get more in is by filling the glass with pins - thus creating the 'miniscus' effect. Piss off.
b)Chilled wine, once out of the ice-bucket(more on this later!) warms up pretty rapidly. If you overfill, I end up with hot wine, or I have to glug it down - part of the plan, I'm sure.
c) Red wine needs room in the glass - 50% of taste is smell.
d)It's ugly. Just because you have the aesthetic sense of a veruka, don't drag me into your private hell.
2. Ice-buckets - the clue is in the question. This should involve a bucket and some ice. A piece of terracotta downpipe is not an ice-bucket. The best it can hope to do is stop the already far too warm wine from warming up too fast. An ice-bucket brings the temperature down, stupid.
3. 'Trying the wine' - OK, in some bistro environments, and if you've ordered the house wine, it's acceptable to just leave the opened bottle at the table - but opened 'at' the table, mind you. I don't want the cooking wine topped up from the slops tray, thank you very much. Pouring it without even asking is very poor form. And will someone please tell these people that you try the wine to check that it's not 'off' - not to see if you like it. So when I say " I don't think that's quite right" don't then ask if there's something I'd like to try, like I'm the one who doesn't know his arse from his elbow. No - I want that wine, but in it's correct condition.
The other crime is mixing bottles. If I order another bottle of the same variety, don't just splosh it into our half-full glasses. And when I say," Can I try it first?" - don't answer with "But it's the same wine - you've tried it already." Good grief.
4. Prices - all this ameteurish-ness would be marginally more acceptable if they didn't put so much on to the wine. And why is it a percentage rather than a flat charge? I often end up drinking cheap wine - a deal worse than I have at home - because it galls me to pay 250% mark up. The other evening it was my birthday, so we managed a rare night out (4 kids). Because I wanted a nice bottle of wine, I was forced into a bottle of Cloudy Bay - a wine I know retails - retails , mind you - at £20 a bottle if you look around.
Their price? £49.

Bugger me.

That.
Especially 3. And 4. And 1 & 2.

Quote: sootyj @ October 29 2012, 2:47 PM GMT

The abandoned shopping trolleys mine alright I think someone had. White on the bench

As for BYOB any restaurant from a none booze culture tend not to charge

"adopts best CAS voice"

Wot?

Bloody non-stop fireworks! I'd like to get out there, grab a firework from the nearest moron, light it and stick it up his/her arse.

AND it's not 'Bonfire Night' it's bloody Guy Fawkes Night.

AND tell me why the Hell we join in this shindig in Scotland when it wasn't even our Parliament he tried to blow up.

SNARL! SNARL! SNARL!

Do you have bonfires on Burns Night?

Quote: Lee @ November 5 2012, 7:14 PM GMT

Do you have bonfires on Burns Night?

Absolutely not! There are Burns Suppers, which involve haggis, neeps (turnip) and potatoes. Also, traditionally, whisky. Nowadays there's usually an additional meal along with that. His poetry is recited and there are toasts. The haggis is piped in (bagpipes) while somebody recites the poem 'To a Haggis'. Ignore what Pippa Middleton says in her book - she's a bloody numpty.

Having said all that, although there are Burns suppers all over the world on 25th. January, it's probably a minority of people who attend them.

BonFIRE... BURNS...

I'll get me coat...

Burns nights; listening to incomprehensible ramblings of a drunk, before being served inedible animal innards all whilst massively pissed on whiskey.

Wouldn't it make more sense to have a none burns night?

As usual, it's time for some women and homosexual bashing when it comes to television programmes.

It's bad enough that the bints and benders come up with lame reality shows featuring American people being clueless twunts, but then the British queers and quims come up with their own even lamer rip off versions -

Geordie Shores, Desperate Scousewives, etc.

Make some proper telly and stop watching this crap girls and gays!

Hear hear

Retarded TV featuring retards watched by even dumber retards

I've never watched any of them. And why are you convinced women make them? Have you checked any of the credits? (Don't worry, I know you haven't.)

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