British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,116

He would have killed her with all his STDs in the end anyway.

The internet not working despite having full signal.

Quote: Lazzard @ October 26 2012, 12:36 PM BST

Always felt there was something of the "it's a Knockout" about that one.

Great horns though

I prefer The Man with the Golden Gun, where else are you going to get'Arched Eyebrows' 'False Nipples' and a set of gentleman's accouterments designed to blow someones f**king head off?
Oh and a homicidal midget, a death ray and a semi submerged hideout.
Also very few people realise that in Scaramanga's first hit there is a busker in the doorway of an electrical shop singing the Lindisfarnes version of 'The Fog On The Tyne'

F**kin kids knocking at Halloween.

This years really bad as they're gonna take in 2 weekends and the actual day itself - next Wednesday.

Usually when I open the door - that usually does the trick - and they scarper pronto (I've ballooned a bit since my avatar pic was taken), but by then they've disturbed me from my work, meaning I've had to disrobe, wipe myself, and get into my day clothes just to answer the door.

Not to be outdone, this year I took the opportunity to buy a life sized Jimmy Savile cardboard cut-out off a boot sale in Leeds, and it's propped in the the front window of my studio flat.

That's gonna make sure the little bastards don't even knock this year.

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

Shop assistants who don't undertstand the phrase, I'm just happy browsing.

Was in a shop before, first assistant came over and asked if I needed assitance, poiletly said no thanks so they went off. Three minutes later another one asked if ok, again I said no thanks and they left me alone. Few minutes later another came asked, said No thanks, I'm really happy just looking myself. This was followed up with "Are sure"?

Replied I was sure and they then insisted on pointing stuff out to me. Walked out after that.

On the subject of intrusive staff:

Waitresses who - while you're mid-convesration with your partner - barge in and say "Sorry to interrupt you but is everything alright with your meal for you?"
Apart from the hideous torturing of the English language - just don't interrupt, then you won't have to apologise.
Also - I'll tell you if there's anything from wrong with my meal, thank you very much - you don't have to check how I'm doing every five minutes.
This sort of 'faux' service is the hallmark of a really poor establishment.
That's what pisses me off.

That and the starving millions in Africa, of course.

Car Insurance companies that give you a good deal then next year hike up the price hoping you won't notice.
You have to brace yourself for the long protracted arguements/discussions to get it down to similar quotes on gocompare etc.
It's not like I think you treat me well during the last year so I don't mind you sneaking another couple of hundred quid on top.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ October 29 2012, 10:17 AM GMT

Car Insurance companies that give you a good deal then next year hike up the price hoping you won't notice.
You have to brace yourself for the long protracted arguements/discussions to get it down to similar quotes on gocompare etc.
It's not like I think you treat me well during the last year so I don't mind you sneaking another couple of hundred quid on top.

Tip on getting really cheap car insurance.
Buy a knackered 'classic' - I think over 40 years counts - then insure with a classic car company, who are really cheap.
Then add your modern car as a second vehicle.
Owners of 'classics' are excellent insurance risks , so you get tip top rates.
We actually sold the 'classic' and they didn't ask any questions for five years - still got the brilliant deal.

Quote: Lazzard @ October 29 2012, 8:35 AM GMT

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Waitresses who - while you're mid-convesration with your partner - barge in and say "Sorry to interrupt you but is everything alright with your meal for you?"

Yeah, and they always ask when you have a mouthful of food. Even worse, it was that mouthful you were saving to savour.

Watching the waitress back off slowly after I said 'NO, I could sole my boots with this beef' was worth the bad food to see her reaction.

Quote: Lee @ October 29 2012, 11:07 AM GMT

Yeah, and they always ask when you have a mouthful of food. Even worse, it was that mouthful you were saving to savour.

It's just poor training.
A decent waiter will have his eyes on all his tables to see if anyone needs anything - doesn't need to stick his beak in every ten minutes.
The irony is, the same person who keeps asking "how your meal is for you" ( what does that even mean?) is nowhere to be seen should you actually want something.

Don't get me started on how they serve wine...

Quote: Lazzard @ October 29 2012, 11:27 AM GMT

Don't get me started on how they serve wine...

AGH. Restaurant staff: Don't EVER top up my f**king wine glass. I am more than capable of doing it myself. People like to divide wine fairly, or may be driving, or may just not want to drink much. All you have done is intrude on my personal space, interrupt my conversation, make me pause in my meal so I don't have food in my mouth when I have to say thank you for something I didn't actually want you to do. Don't you have anything else you should be doing? If your shift is really that quiet, pull yourself a drink, grab a chair and come join us. Don't f**king sidle up throughout the evening as if I'm a f**king moron who can't make the connection between the wine in the bottle and the wine I want to be in my glass. F**k off, f**k off, f**k off.

I need a drink now. But how?

Stop wining.

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