British Comedy Guide

Good gags.

i am considering combining 2 of my favourite things .

I am going to create chocolate minge cake.

one slice or two ?

went to my dr the other day. I said dr brennan, that's his name, why are all dr's anonymous when it comes to gags ?

i have forgotten what to do with my cock.

his reply ? he told me I had the onset of penile dementia.

the day after I went to eastbourne and walked up the cliffs, saw the light-house at beachy head, then started hopping along on all fours like a rabbit !

i suspect I may be developing sussex downs syndrome.

discussing holiday destinations with a friend I suggested somewhere touristy.

he said he didn't like crowded places.

i replied, I don't like any northern soul bands !

you know mystic meg the clairvoyant ? her husband has a similar skill, oh yes, send him a spunk stained sheet of loo paper and he will predict your future from it. they call him mystic smeg.

remember that chap, harry houdini, from the ancient world of light entertainment ? he would never have succeedeed without his personal assistant, well, he was always letting himself go. . . . .

for the literary types out there.

what's the question if the answer is cock robin ?

what's that up my bum, batman ?

in the u.s.a in 2009 a woman had a tooth transplanted into her eye which gave her useful sight in that eye . brings new meaning to the phrase an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth .

re unemployed people only being allowed 2 children.
the gov should go further and only allow them to have sex twice a year.

neighbourhood sex watch would become the norm, for some it already is.

over sexed police sirens will wail,
coitus interruptus shall prevail,
and those evil crims, with too many kids,
must be sent, straight to cock happy jail.

Good to hear Noel Cowards not dead.

The punchlines (and therefore where one joke ends and another begins) are hard to spot, but I thought I would offer some critique.

i am considering combining 2 of my favourite things .

I am going to create chocolate minge cake.

one slice or two ?

Shit

went to my dr the other day. I said dr brennan, that's his name, why are all dr's anonymous when it comes to gags ?

i have forgotten what to do with my cock.

his reply ? he told me I had the onset of penile dementia.

Shit

the day after I went to eastbourne and walked up the cliffs, saw the light-house at beachy head, then started hopping along on all fours like a rabbit !

i suspect I may be developing sussex downs syndrome.

Shit

discussing holiday destinations with a friend I suggested somewhere touristy.

he said he didn't like crowded places.

i replied, I don't like any northern soul bands !

Shit

They're also older than Noah's mum try googling them.

A creditable first post, though. At least he didn't stumble onto these jokes on the interweb and then feel compelled to join this forum just to share them with us.

No, Reeves, I won't let it lie.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ October 24 2012, 10:01 PM BST

BTW Talking of googling - have you tried Arthur? A right laugh.. seems, amongst others (Harry Potter?) that he lived and died in the 19th century - you plagiarist, you.

Sorry. I'm confused.

Why don't you just marry Archibald pilchard? The c**tsdead to me

Oh, I see!

I thought some bloke called Arthur invented a search engine in the 19th century and then wrote all the Harry Potter books.

Hey, it's an easy mistake to make.

Nb my initial comment was based on the unedited post which only had the first joke in it

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ October 24 2012, 10:11 PM BST

*lightbulb moment*

!!

Just think, if you had a time machine and enough cash to change your name by deed poll, that could be you!

Well its not been done well

I'm no plagiarist those are fighting words! Just wait till I GT Alphonse pilchard!

I'm no plagiarist those are fighting words! Just wait till I GT Alphonse pilchard!

Quote: baldnuts @ October 24 2012, 4:33 PM BST

i am considering combining 2 of my favourite things .

I am going to create chocolate minge cake.

one slice or two ?

went to my dr the other day. I said dr brennan, that's his name, why are all dr's anonymous when it comes to gags ?

i have forgotten what to do with my cock.

his reply ? he told me I had the onset of penile dementia.

the day after I went to eastbourne and walked up the cliffs, saw the light-house at beachy head, then started hopping along on all fours like a rabbit !

i suspect I may be developing sussex downs syndrome.

discussing holiday destinations with a friend I suggested somewhere touristy.

he said he didn't like crowded places.

i replied, I don't like any northern soul bands !

you know mystic meg the clairvoyant ? her husband has a similar skill, oh yes, send him a spunk stained sheet of loo paper and he will predict your future from it. they call him mystic smeg.

remember that chap, harry houdini, from the ancient world of light entertainment ? he would never have succeedeed without his personal assistant, well, he was always letting himself go. . . . .

for the literary types out there.

what's the question if the answer is cock robin ?

what's that up my bum, batman ?

There some germs of good jokes in here but they are all too wordy and need to be severely edited.

e.g. My cock doesn't know what to do anymore, according to my doctor it's suffering from penile dementia.

How do you tell a man's fortune from his underpants? Mystic Smeg

My friend keeps thinking he's part of Sussex, we reckon he may have Downs Syndrome.

Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 25 2012, 12:59 AM BST

There some germs of good jokes in here but they are all too wordy and need to be severely edited.

e.g. My cock doesn't know what to do anymore, according to my doctor it's suffering from penile dementia.

How do you tell a man's fortune from his underpants? Mystic Smeg

My friend keeps thinking he's part of Sussex, we reckon he may have Downs Syndrome.

Yes. Agreed.

i have a friend
who is a bear . he is ac/dc /........he is bi-polar .

i opened a garden centre with my ex girfriend . didnt work out ..in the end we just grew apart !

because of the amount of allegations against jimmy saville , police have shortened the procedure to one multiple choice question :
what did jimmy saville place around your neck ?
A: A BADGE

B: HIS ARMS

C : HIS THIGHS

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