Surprised Aaron liked this. From the first page:
CHARLOTTE and JESS are in their school uniforms, GEMMA looks scruffy and is trying to tie her hair in a pony tail. They are all looking down the toilet.
'All' - what all two of them? Try 'both'.
And from the top of page two:
CHARLOTTE has opened her pack lunch in an attempt to eat it.
GEMMA No (slams CHARLOTTE'S lunch box
closed) and can you not eat your pack lunch before school please.
Pack Lunch?! Er do you mean packed lunch? It's not even a typo since it appears twice. Two people wrote this. Amazing.