Diector - So Mr Jones, you are auditioning for the part of the female corpse in our up coming serial, Inspector Inspector.
Mr Jones - Ah no, I can see how you would make that mistake, but no, I am here representing my Mother.
Director - Oh I see. I thought it was a bit odd actually, I wondered if you were going to be dragging up or something.
Mr Jones - No that would be ridiculous.
Director. Quite. Well what makes your mother right for this part.
Mr Jones - Well my Mother came to acting quite late in life. She had a few walk on parts and once had a line in crossroads.
Director - You said had, you mean has..
Mr. Jones - Oh no you misunderstand me, she's dead. This is why I thought she'd be ideal for the part.
Director - Dead! you can't be serious.
Mr. jones - Oh no she's definitely dead, I have the coroners report here. As you can see she died in her sleep so would be ideal.
Director - But Mr Jones I cannot use your dead Mother, for one thing the characters head is bludgeoned with a hammer.
Mr. Jones - No that's fine Mother was a method actor, so I thought I'd give her a few taps on the head before filming.
Director - Mr Jones where is your Mother?
Mr Jones - In the freezer in the shed
Director - Mr Jones this brings a whole new meaning to resting. I'm sorry I have never been so shocked and appalled in all my life. You expect me to hire your dead Mother, that you could show such disrespect is mind boggling, that you could come in here sugesting I use an actor who has no current equity card.
Mr Jones - I've begged them but there's already a corpse with the same name.
Director - Well change it Mr Jones, change it.
Mr Jones - and then she'd get the part?
Director - OK, but we split the fee and I get to hit her with the hammer.
Mr Jones - Done
