I started writing this but knew it was no good for newsjack. As a sketch on it's own, is it any good? Even a little bit amusing?
BARRISTA:Here you go madam, that's one cappuccino, two Americano's and a biscotti. Next please.
MAN:Hello. Can you tell me where I'd find Bertrand Russell?
BARRISTA:I'm sorry?
MAN:Bertrand Russell.
BARRISTA:Er, I'm not sure, sir. Is he a regular here?
MAN:I shouldn't think so; he's been dead forty odd years.
BARRISTA:Well, perhaps you could try the graveyard. I'm really sorry sir, but we are awfully busy at the moment, so unless I can get you anything...
MAN:A book!
BARRISTAorry?
MAN:A book, I want a book on Bertrand Russell.
BARRISTAh I see. Uh, well I can't really help you with that either.
Would you like any coffee?
MAN:Coffee? Coffee!?
BARRISTA:Yes, it's kind of our specialty really, sir. Cappuccino, latte, filter. You name it, we've got it. I can help you with that.
MAN:I don't want a coffee, it's nasty stuff. Never drink brown water that's had a plunger in it, that's what my Mum always used to say. I want a book on Bertrand Russell.
BARRISTA:Well, you've come to the wrong place really, sir.
MAN:This is a public library, isn't it?
BARRISTA:Yes. Yes it is.
MAN:That's what I thought. What's all this about coffee?
BARRISTA:Been a while since you've used a library, has it sir?
MAN:About a month.
BARRISTA:Thought so. We don't really do books now.
MANon't really do books?
BARRISTA:Would you like a biscotti?
MAN:No I would not.
BARRISTA:A poppyseed muffin?
MAN:Look I...I have to say, that does sound tempting. Is it fair trade?
BARRISTA:Not for you it's not, sir, it's a bloody rip off.