NJ: Utilitarian Companies

Fail...

Dan

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NJ: Utilitarian Companies
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JUSTIN:
In an unexpected turn, the cartel of energy companies are starting to use cycles... of price rises to generate megawatts of profit from their customers. After literally fourteen weeks on the phone, and having finally circumnavigating the customer help... line, I have on the phone now, my own energy company, as I attempt to change my tariff. Hello, Profiteering Shysters.

SHYSTERS:
(D) Hello, madam. How may I help you?

JUSTIN:
I'd like to change my plan for something a little more affordable.

SHYSTERS:
(D) Hahahaha! Oh... you're serious.

F/X:TAPPING KEYBOARD

SHYSTERS (CT'D):
(D) Ok, I've transferred you to our Super-Mega-Ultra-Uber-Saver Deluxe Plus Extra tariff, fixed at very reasonable prices. Because all our customers are exceptionally important to us, Mrs... Caller-Guy.

JUSTIN:
Well, that's awfully kind of you. Just to check, what are these rates exactly?

SHYSTERS:
(D) We pride ourselves on being different from all other energy companies because we cut to the chase and charge what energy prices will eventually rise to in the long-term. No messing around.

JUSTIN:
And those prices are?

SHYSTERS:
(D) Simple. You pay us infinity.

JUSTIN:
Sorry.

SHYSTERS:
(D) Infinity. You pay us infinity pounds.

JUSTIN:
I see. That's... it's a tad on the high side. Can I pay in installments?

SHYSTERS:
(D) (LAUGHS) That is in installments. Infinite payments of infinity.

JUSTIN:
Infinity squared?

SHYSTERS:
(D) (PAUSE) My God! You're right! That's not nearly enough! We could charge infinity cubed or... whatever the power of four is!

JUSTIN:
Why not go the whole hog and charge infinity to the power of infinity?

SHYSTERS:
(D) You're a genius! Can we hire you as a consultant?

JUSTIN:
How much do you pay?

SHYSTERS:
(D) Point one per cent off your bill -- if you pay by direct debit...

JUSTIN:
Profiteering Shysters--

F/X:HANGING UP

JUSTIN:
--sod you very much...

END

I think it could end with "It's a tad on the high side, can I pay in instalments?"

It's quite a good button on its own. Of course, I've never got anything on to Newsjack, so don't listen to me.

I particularly like "Hello, Profiteering Shysters"!

I like the idea in this sketch and they did have a couple of strong ones in the show last night so competition was fierce!

For me the infinity idea is a good one but after that's introduced the sketch doesn't develop too much. (in my opinion anyway!) Seems to be missing the next kick on. Perhaps don't take it there straight away? Perhaps introduce the 'Brian Cox' plan first - your bill is millions and millions of billions... Or some other way to gradually crank it up

(feel once you've got to infinity you've got nowhee to go without introducing the concept of uncountable infinity and ... hey .. where are you going ... come back!)

And like the direct debit line at the end.