Past Life Regression Sketch

Int. New Age Therapy Room

A new age therapist sits opposite a young woman relaxing on a couch. The
therapist is swinging a pendulum in front of the woman's eyes.

Therapist:
Now, I'm going to take you back. Way back to find your spirit guides. Back... Back... Back...

The woman nods off.

Therapist:
Is there anybody there?

Woman:
(OLD WOMAN'S VOICE) Yes!

Therapist:
Pray, tell me your name!

Woman:
Glynnis Accrington!

Therapist:
Ok, Glynnis, tell me a little bit about your life.

Woman:
I worked at Dagenham bus station for fifty years making tea. And if they
didn't like the tea. I bloody well spat in it.

The woman spits.

Therapist:
Oh... well... I'm sure you've got some wisdom that you can impart
to your chosen child here.

Woman:
Yes, don't go to bloody Bognor. I went there once and it was crap. So I spat
in the sea.

The woman spits.

Therapist:
Ok, Glynnis, I think that's enough. Is there anyone else out there? Anyone?

Woman:
(SLEAZY OLD MAN'S VOICE) Hello Darling!

Therapist:
Hello there! Who do we have here?

Woman:
Arthur Nickleby. The original dirty old man.

Therapist:
Ok, Arthur. What exactly did your life entail?

Woman:
Look at the funbags on this! Cor! If I wasn't a supernatural vapour
I'd be on this like a rat up a drainpipe!

Therapist:
Arthur! Please! You must have some wisdom to impart.

Woman:
I tell you what I wouldn't mind parting! (FILTHY LAUGH)

Therapist:
Goodbye, Arthur! Now, is there anyone out there? There must be someone!

Woman:
(CALM, STEADY VOICE) Yes, I am Purple Cloud. Native of the Apocohoconocotroco tribe.

Therapist:
This is more like it! What was your role in the tribe?

Woman:
I was a warrior who protected my people.

Therapist:
Excellent! Excellent! Were you a noble and brave warrior?

Woman:
No, not really.

Therapist:
I'm sorry?

Woman:
I was a complete coward. I used to sneak into peoples tents when
they were asleep and stick a tomahawk in their face. (LAUGHS) I used to get in a bit of a muddle as well! Killed my own mother once!

Therapist:
I see... well... do you have any wisdom...

Woman:
Do not eat cactus without removing spines first. Oh and make sure you clean off
the vulture droppings. Did for me!

The therapist does a long, hard sigh. The woman starts to come round

Woman:
(NORMAL VOICE)Who was my spirit guide?!

Therapist:
You were a... beautiful African princess called... Banatawanasisis who...
cared for lepers.

Woman:
That's amazing! You know, I've always wanted to go to Africa, but didn't know why.

Therapist:
Great! Now, that'll be £500.00

ENDS

I enjoyed this, and I could see it all working well as it is, especially with the right performers, but there were just a couple of things I thought weakened it (because they distracted me when I was reading through).

I liked the switch of thinking they were a brave warrior and then they're not, but the tomahawk as they slept didn't show quite enough cowardice for me to befit a 'coward'. Perhaps if they didn't call themselves a coward and killing people in their sleep was their flaw or give them a different flaw entirely?

Also, I think the last two lines could do with a re-jig, as they (slightly) fight with each other to be the punchline. I think it could work better if the "always wanted to go to Africa" line ended with a question e.g "also I've always felt a little lop-sided did I have a limp?" so that the final line has more punch e.g. "Yep. £500 please."

I could be over-thinking it and talking crap obviously, but I'm waiting for my porridge to cool down and have a bit of time on my hands so I thought I'd share my garbled nonsense!

I thought the various internal bits were quite good, but wasn't sure about the ending. I understand the point (that the therapist is getting away from the bleaker stuff) buut I'm not sure the current ending is as strong or as punchy as it might be.

ok, thanks for the views. I was originally thinking of having the American Indian as a psychopath killer who used to eat his victim's children or something. Still a bit of editing to do, I think.

I really liked this Ben, particularly tea/sea, maybe have the lines the same so it impacts more?

The DOM's dialogue worked well, and especially works well to imagine it from female character.

Laughed at 'Killed my own mother once!'

I actually liked the dry ending, that he's ripping her off despite the outstanding success of his technique cos her past lives weren't appropriately spiritual enough.

Thanks, AJGO. I think you're damn right about getting the tea/sea lines to be in the same format. Will adjust!

I think after he says it's £500 she spits on him

Quote: AJGO @ October 17 2012, 10:12 AM BST

Laughed at 'Killed my own mother once!'

View original

Really AJGO? Actually laughed?
I have rarely (if ever) laughed reading a sketch.
Maybe I need to lighten up.

I liked this. It read smoothly and had enough variation to stay interesting.
I agree it has a double punchline but that is a tactic I employ on occasion so far be it for me to criticise.

Let us see any revision, Ben.

Quote: bushbaby @ October 17 2012, 12:38 PM BST

I think after he says it's £500 she spits on him

View original

This made me smile!
I'm softening!

Nice one bushbaby.

Quote: garyd @ October 17 2012, 2:21 PM BST

Really AJGO? Actually laughed?
I have rarely (if ever) laughed reading a sketch.
Maybe I need to lighten up.

View original

Really garyd. It went 'hahaha'. I was practicing for when you and your partner do those stand-up gigs you were going to inform us about.

I think it has something - the New Age is always up for parody.

Quote: Ben @ October 16 2012, 8:27 PM BST

Woman:
(CALM, STEADY VOICE) Yes, I am Purple Cloud. Native of the Apocohoconocotroco tribe.

View original

Ben.. a question. Is that a subtle Xoxopanxoco gag? Or just coincidence?

Quote: bushbaby @ October 17 2012, 12:38 PM BST

I think after he says it's £500 she spits on him

View original

That's just the ending it needed, very good.

Thanks for all the input. I like the spit suggestion by Bushbaby, so will probably incorporate that. I only knocked this up in about 15 minutes, so I think I've got plenty of room to tighten the whole thing up.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ October 17 2012, 2:49 PM BST

Ben.. a question. Is that a subtle Xoxopanxoco gag? Or just coincidence?

View original

Coincidence, my friend. Coincidence.