Back for Coffee Sketch

Int. Kitchen. Night

A man and woman - both dressed in going out gear - are drinking coffee at a table and gazing into each others eyes.

Man:
I'm guessing you didn't invite me back here just for coffee.

Woman:
(COY) Whatever gives you that idea?

Man:
Oh, I don't know. Something you said in the taxi about doing it in the kitchen.

Woman:
Well, if you think you're man enough...

Man:
There's only one way to find out...

Woman:
Ok! Let me just get something!

The woman goes over to some drawers and rummages about.

Man:
It's ok, I've got one here.

The man starts rummaging through his wallet. He pulls out a condom.

Woman:
(LAUGHS) That's not going to be much use, is it?! No, you need one of these.

The woman produces a large screwdriver from the drawer. The man looks confused.

Man:
What's... what's that for?

Woman:
How else are you going to put the shelves up?!

A set of shelves and fixings are revealed on the worktop.

Woman:
If you can get them up above the cooker, that'll be great. Oh, and feel free to sleep on the sofa! Night!

The woman starts to leave the kitchen.

Man:
Shelves? I thought we were going to... you know... sex.

The woman walks up to the man and slaps him.

Woman:
What kind of a girl do you think I am?!

The woman walks off. The man begrudgingly starts putting the shelves up.

ENDS

The whole thing is nicely economic and you've got a great feel for quickly getting us into the action and making them live.

But Jings and Crivens the punchline is just to sensible and predictable.

If you could work a sub punch in, it could swim.

Yes, I suppose it is a bit of an easy out. I've kind of been ruminating on this one for a few years. Will continue to ruminate on the ending as, although it does close the sketch, a better one could gild it.

As he goes to the kitchen.
The room is just full of shelves.

Nice one Steve, or he completes the cupboard and is sucked inside it or even he has a fetish for building cupboards and its what he really wanted all along.

After being left in the kitchen alone, his mobile rings, he answers it.

Man:
Oh hi mate.... yeah it's going great, she gave me wood and asked me to screw.

Nice sketch, but.. a bell is ringing in my head about a bloke invited in for coffee who finds himself locked in a room with other blokes in various ageing stages, plus a skeleton..

Smith & Jones? Python?

??

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ October 6 2012, 10:35 PM BST

Nice sketch, but.. a bell is ringing in my head about a bloke invited in for coffee who finds himself locked in a room with other blokes in various ageing stages, plus a skeleton..

Smith & Jones? Python?

??

View original

That's a Python sketch, but not really anything like mine.

There's a Python Milkman one.
But that wasn't Bens idea.
My suggestion had similar connotations I suppose.

Yes, it builds nicely, but as has been said, you expect something much more surprising to happen. Needs to take a turn into the absurd.

Quote: 404 Not Found @ October 6 2012, 10:32 PM BST

After being left in the kitchen alone, his mobile rings, he answers it.

Man:
Oh hi mate.... yeah it's going great, she gave me wood and asked me to screw.

View original

Too much of a groaner.

It is a good idea but as others have said as it is it could end here

The woman produces a large screwdriver from the drawer

So maybe do away with him getting the condom out just before that line and then after this line is the extra twist. Him being disgusted 'what sort of guy do you think I am?' (but in character) and stomping out carrying a massive electric drill with various fittings?
Or blubbing cos he brought a much tinier screwdriver than the one she expects him to use?
Or foraging through his manbag, discarding manly tools before bringing out a machinegun and killing her cupboards then flounces out with an 'I ain't being nobodys punchline, sugar'

He should check to see if there's a punchline in the shelf box.
If there isn't, then this isn't a sketch it's a poor B&Q advert at best.

Nick Sunshine's ending - it's funny.

the 'it' word needs to be something else for this to work!