A little sketch I threw together in five minutes to celebrate the return of Red Dwarf X. It's not polished and formatted badly, but f**k it, I rarely come down here, so sod ya's.
Robert Sue Ellen -
Hello! You might remember me as Kryten from Red Dwarf and...as the robot from Red Dwarf. Today, I've tasked two teams with the ultimate scrapheap challenge...resurrect my flagging career.
Lisa Big Tits -
From Sunderland we have a group of registered sex offenders who like to play Tiddlywinks in their spare time, say hello to the Kiddy Tiddlers.
Robert Sue Ellen -
And from Bognor Regis, we have a great bunch of gal pals with eating disorders, who when not puking up their dinners, enjoy high energy soft drinks, welcome the Red Bullemics.
Lisa Big Tits -
Each team has only ten hours to think of, design and build a machine that will get this lame c**t's career back on track.
Robert Sue Ellen -
Or at least get me mentioned in a newspaper, so I can once again enjoy free drinks at Romeo's nightclub in Darlington.
Lisa Big Tits -
Are you ready teams? (klaxon sounds) Go get scrapheap a-challenging or something?!
10 HOURS PASS.
Robert Sue Ellen -
Okay teams, let's see what you've got. Kiddy Tiddlers, what's this contraption?
Kiddy Tiddler -
It's a suicide machine. Just sit in it and a drill bit powered by a Mini Metro engine will sink slowly into your skull. Guaranteed to get you a small obituary in the Times, ten seconds mention on local news and a three page thread on the BCG.
Robert Sue Ellen -
Super fantastically awesome. And what about you Red Bullemics, what have you thrown up?
Red Bullemic -
We've invented Red Dwarf X. A re-hash of a show that was popular twenty years ago and enjoyed thoroughly by fat wankers with no girlfriends.
Robert Sue Ellen -
That is the greatest thing I've ever heard! How were you able to cobble together such a complex machine in just ten hours?
Red Bullemic -
It's not perfect and there are a few flaws in the design. For instance, it will only work on Dave.
Robert Sue Ellen -
Space Corp Directive 11368 states that you are the winner!
Robert Sue Ellen then spends the next 300 minutes with a vacuum cleaner on his cock and babbling Smeg Head over and over again as £19.50 goes into his Natwest Account.
