FX.STEAM ENGINE SOUNDS AND WHISTLES
GRAMS.THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE SCORE
RINGOChugging along the West Coast Mainline, somewhere between Birmingham and Glasgow, was an unhappy Thomas the tank engine. Not even the puff, puff, puffs of his chimney could lighten his mood because inside his carriages passengers were tutting "huff, huff, huff" at the football hooligans who were yelling "toss, toss, toss" whilst their vomit landed in the aisles, splosh, splosh, splosh. Even Thomas' toilets were in a bad state, broken and unusable. With every bump in the track he heard their splash, splash, splash, whilst he prayed and prayed for a crash, crash, crash. This was because he was a First train engine, the unhappiest of all the train engines. Yes Thomas was in a very bad mood. But not as bad as the mood the first class business man who was yelling
BUSINESS MAN"Five pounds for a cheese and pickle sandwich? This is extortion! And it tastes like the back end of plasticine cow. I'd rather eat my own mother; at least she'd taste of cheese."
RINGOThomas did not enjoy his job and his day was not going to get any better. Up ahead he thought he saw a Bee Gee, which is like a normal bee except they're more annoying, when they travel they generate a much bigger buzz, and also they don't make honey. "Not a Bee Gee," Thomas groaned, "what does he want?" But it wasn't a Bee Gee, it was an angry Richard Branson, which is not as half as smug as a happy Richard Branson but still very smug indeed.
RICHARD"You can't come this way."
RINGORichard smugly yelled. Resignedly Thomas pulled to a halt, "What was that?" Thomas moped.
RICHARD"You can't come this way."
RINGORichard smugly repeated. "Why not?" Thomas sulked.
RICHARD"Because this is my railway!"
RINGORichard smug, smug, smuged. "No it's not, First have taken it over." Thomas grimly retorted. He was not happy about commuting to Scotland every day because he hated the Scottish. Thomas' was once badly bullied and being a train engine, associated every Scotsman, with one man called Scot.
RICHARD"The decision has been overturned. It was unfair"
RINGOWhined the smugging smugger. "How was it unfair?" Thomas asked.
RICHARD"Because I lost. First are cheaters. Cheaters!"
RINGO"Mmmm." Thomas listlessly replied as he pictured Richard being crushed under the weight of his own bad haircut.
TA"Apologies for the delay ladies and gentlemen" The train announcer announced "but I'm afraid we've had to stop for a Richard Branson on the track. We do hope to be on the move shortly but this may take up to four to six months. We apologise for the delay to your journey."
RINGO"That's going to be a long delay." Thomas thought to himself, "But at least it's not as delayed as the London run."
- this is for improving!