British Comedy Guide

Rap Battles.

Da floor of da canyon is littered wivda bones,
Of those who thought dat dey could take MY throne,
'Cos John Brown's body lies a-moulderin' in his grave,
An I'm gonna senja - to ABU GHARAIB!
DREAM ON! If ya tink dat you can MISTREAT ME!
DREAM ON! If ya tink dat yousa gonna BEAT ME!
DREAM ON! If ya tink dat you can OVERTHROW ME!
DREAM ON! 'Cos I'm da Ting - youse jus' my little HOMEY!

wrong ! im at HOME on my THRONE watching a film of TING taking BONE from mckauley CULKIN STICKIN his COCK IN called BONED ALONE ! and OVERTHROW ME ? dude , you don't even KNOW ME , you got HOMOS not HOMIES , you dream of bieber while sucking off PONYS -, now I know ... of COURSE ! that what you mean when you say your feelin a LITTLE HORSE ! thought you was KIDDING ME , but , damn you MEAN LITERALLY ,that's why your banned from our LOCAL RACE COURSE ! you see , im hard AS ROCKY , while TING-TING likes RING-RING , so don't turn up here an MOCK ME , cos we all know your JUST AN ASS JOCKEY !!

and anyone reading these please don't be offended ! all battles are done for fun !! and if anyone posts a reply , keep it short and sweet lol

A-trumpin' a-humpin' a-rumpin' an a-pumpin'?
I check out yo lines an it jus' sounds like DUMPIN'!
Cos I da mean da clean da Ting in yo SPLEEN, mudda, you could be my sister cos you sho shaft my BRUDDA!
DREAM ON! If ya tink ya gonna measure UPPY!
DREAM ON! Yo weeny ain't as big as my PUPPY'S!
You can SCREAM, DREAM, but ya sho gonna REAM wid yo TEAM an dey CREAM!
Let it all unravel - cos youse sho nuff JIMMY SAVILE!

"YO YO STYLE TING TING
YOUR GONA SIT THERE AND YOUR GONA
LISTEN TO MY THING, WITH THAT
WEED YOU SMOKE YOUR GONA GET
ARRESTED WHEN YOU GET PUT IN POLICE CELL
PREPAIR TO BE MOLESTED!!

TING TING TING TING TING

I ENTERED THIS RAP BATTLE TO PUT
YOU IN YOUR PLACE BUT I DONT CARE
ABOUT YOU COS IM LISTENING TO BASS!!!!!

I see ya havin' problems widda ENGLISH LANGUAGE!
But ya don' have no such problems takin' COCKMEAT SANDWICH!
So ya tink ya gonna have a REAL NICE DAY?
You is - I'm gonna senja to GUANTANAMO BAY!
DREAM ON! Ya never ever gonna TRUMP ME!
DREAM ON! Unlike yo mudda, ya NEVER GONNA HUMP ME!
DREAM ON! Cos I'm da Ting, da sting, da coolshot King who shags KYLIE!
DREAM ON! CHILLAX! RELAX! Ya jus' got owned by STYLEE..

how do you say Guantanamo bay

with a mouth full off cock you

don't own me no way.

i think you got it wrong about

my mudda I think youll find my dog

humpin ya brudda, so with this battle

we will see because I own you and you will

never own meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! boom

YOOOO ! don't make me START , I'll tear you APART , rip out ya HEART , cos I'm silent but deadly like a NINJAS FART ! cos I'm a MADMAN , lyrical assasin who kills like a BADMAN , don't need weapons , just my bare HANDS ..are all I NEED , to make you BLEED , so you better HEED ..every word I am RHYMING , spat out with impeccable TIMING , make you lot look like you JUST MIMING - I get requests for battles I just IGNORE THEM , while you lot just BORE THEM , cos now im dropping my shit at this COMEDY FORUM !!!!
( blammmmmmm !!! boyakashot !! word !! etc etc etc )

your impeccable timin don't go wiv your rymin

but its tru what you say about you just f**kin mimin

with my bullit proof face and my legs of steel I will

kick yo bollocks and make you squeel. you and ting ting

are nothing to me I will have the last word today just

wait and see... my name means black but I'm not you'll see

but I am halfcast from the waste down even your chic will

want me!!!! boooom

dont make me go HYPER , im a lyrical SNIPER and I strike like a VIPER and I got more followers than the pied f**king PIPER - and as for nigel , I don't give two f*cks , this guy plain SUCKS , his dicks only brown cos he dipped it in DULUX ! and he don't mean halfcast , he means HALF-WIT , girls see his dick and LAUGHT AT IT , even worse when he been BATHING IT , one inch long and half inch IN WIDTH ! - anyway nigel im done now , its YOUR CALL BITCH , time for me to go cos I KICKED THIS 'BALL' OFF THE PITCH !!

yo yo... slander surly, your beginning to
bore me with yo unoriginal raps cos i'm
with yo mama and I'm swingin of her baps.

i'm a lyrical zombie you will see there
is only one place on this forum and that
place is reserved for me...

you might be the piper but that don't
bother me I'll take all yo followers
and dump um in the sea.

go get yo flute and have another toot
because you rap like a smack head this
much is tru...

Quote: slarnder @ October 2 2012, 10:39 PM BST

BONED ALONE!

Quote: slarnder @ October 3 2012, 1:15 AM BST

..cos I'm silent but deadly like a NINJAS FART!

Quote: slarnder @ October 3 2012, 3:22 AM BST

I got more followers than the pied f***ing PIPER!

Laughing out loud Sheer class.

WHOA girl! You think you got me with that "BONED ALONE"? Well I got more comebacks than the ROLLING STONES! Cos' off da CUFF, I'm da ROUGH, da TOUGH, don't never had ENOUGH! I got mo' bitches than the wholla f***ing CRUFTS!
DREAM ON! Dat yo schlong in yo hand or is dat yo QUIM? Remember Liberace? YOU REMIND ME O' HIM! DREAM ON! Ya mess wid me, you getting DOUBLE TROUBLE! Cos I can see further dan dat ting dey call da HUBBLE! I can see you got DEADTIME, OVERFED TIME, INBRED TIME! Is dat yo momma callin'? Must be way past yo BEDTIME!

Current Ratings: Stylee TingTing 666; Nigel Ball 1; slarnder 0

thats better stylee , put that or something on lets beef and you will get better comments lol good crufts line :)

Quote: slarnder @ October 3 2012, 3:22 AM BST

..its YOUR CALL BITCH!!

WHOA there, Gaylord, you think that you can SIZE ME? PRISE me from my kingdom, HYPNOTISE me, PATRONISE me? 'Cos when you wuz threatenin' wid yo NINE-MILLIMETRE, I thought you meant an UZI, but you meant yo WEENY PETER! Lemme tell ya how to change yo range of LYRICAL RELIGION SCHISM! Try ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM! Look through da PRISM not the JIZZUM dat's ARISEN outta yo WIZENED PECKER - dat's a RELATIONSHIP WRECKER! 'Cos it so tiny, ya WICK, ya DICK, ya PRICK, yo boyfriend he need TWEEZERS 'cos it truly MICROSCOPIC! Cos my SPITTIN is HITTIN ya, like fine cognac, MARTELL - cos I've got mo lines than the CALI CARTEL!
An now that you've BLEATED, CHEATED, ABUSED and MISTREATED, I got yo one TRUE NAME fo ya:

[EXPLETIVE DELETED]

Check my lyrical, purely cynical and my disposition whimsical
Dribble on your keyboards as I flame your CAPITALS

Everything your saying conjures awkward connotation,
Clearly thinking that your gangster but screaming 'skinny caucasian!'
But don't believe I'm racist, I will switch up when I say this as your
sounding like the type who cried at the break up of Oasis,
So stop asking for more than you deserve and sounding quite absurd,
And now I'll sit back and observe,

For surely you've just been served.

Booooooom. *Insert air horn*

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