http://thedailycricket.com/2012/09/01/california-woman-divorces-cat-husband/
Any tips on getting these stories to read more like a newspaper?
Writing offbeat news stories
I'd start with writing a better article.
Apart from being the same punchline mentioned in the first line and repeated through out. Comparing gay marriage with bestiality is not an especially tasteful idea.
I was looking for advice on the actual grammar and layout of stories so that they read more like a newspaper.
I checked the definition of bestiality and nowhere in that article does it say that anyone had sexual relations with any animal. It's not impossible to be married and not have sex....ask my wife.
Newspaper articles tend to contain the most important information in the first sentence rather than saving it up for a punchline-style second. The duration of the marriage and the weight of the cat (which changes) is unnecessarily repeated in the first few sentences.
Other than that, nothing wrong with the newspaper style itself, but I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to invent ridiculous quotes from "pro-traditional marriage" groups when writing on subject matter like this unless I was writing to impress a very right wing audience...
A skill, sir, to critique but not be critical. Thank you for your advice.
Quote: enigmatic @ October 4 2012, 3:16 PM BSTNewspaper articles tend to contain the most important information in the first sentence rather than saving it up for a punchline-style second. The duration of the marriage and the weight of the cat (which changes) is unnecessarily repeated in the first few sentences.
Other than that, nothing wrong with the newspaper style itself, but I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to invent ridiculous quotes from "pro-traditional marriage" groups when writing on subject matter like this unless I was writing to impress a very right wing audience...
That's a conventional newspaper article.
This isn't it's satire. So by and large you're imitating a conventional story e.g. the story is in the first line(women divorces cat), but the punch is still there as a surprise reveaL; I dunno maybe she has to make a massive settlement because she was f**king the dog? It's like a conventional newspaper story, but basically it isn't the additional information (which seems minor to the story but is major to the reader) is where the humour lives.
nb using critique for grammar checking etc is a little bizarre and unlikely to achieve a result.
Just reread the above advice on using ridiculous quotes is a goody. Especially when the quoted person sounds entirely sincere.
As said, for a proper news story the information gets let important the further down the story you go. This is because it allows sub editors on a deadline to trim bits off the bottom if they need to. It's ok but if you are really going to ape a news story it needs to be more efficient. I'd normally aim for the first paragraph to be 30 odd words or less.
Stuff like ages can go in the second paragraph. Also, once you've introduced them you can just use last names...so 'Johnson, 56 and Pomegranate, 7,' or whatever.
If you want to use a looser style, like you have here it might be worthwhile to write it as a news feature. Invent a columnist alter ego. Features can be more circuitous and there's more room for personal opinion.
I'd suggest buying a paper and studying news stories and then flick to the middle and study features and columnists.
Nowthat's some quality advice!
I'm assuming the OP was aiming to emulate the style of the Onion, which apes newspaper journalism closely enough to be used as an unattributed overseas news source by lazy foreign journalists.
We seem to be in violent agreement about the incidental detail needing to add comedy; the Onion tends to do it by adding surreal details in each subsequent paragraph (and especially the quotes) rather than a big setup/reveal.
Either way works if the raw material is funny enough, even if it doesn't feel convincing as a newspaper.
Another issue is the OP appears to be based in the States. American newspaper style is quite different.
Hello Bobby
Can't see much to fault the article, although I wouldn't have used 'sprayed' as this is a clearly cat-specific term and so I'd have gone for pissed instead as its a bit more jarring.
Grammar-wise, nothing to fault except a typo with the spacing in one sentence but as all hacks know typos happen.
Respect to spoof/parody news!
By the way, here's on offbeat news story and it's all completely true (unless the cops are lying): http://www.therakeandherald.tv/culture/culturestory.php?id=1195
Yeah, stuff like this gives people trying to make spoof news tough competition:
Quote: enigmatic @ October 6 2012, 9:23 AM BSTYeah, stuff like this gives people trying to make spoof news tough competition:
that's my dream job 