A CAVE SOMEWHERE IN TERRORISTBASTARDISTAN 2 TERRORIST BASTARDS AND OSAMA BIN LADEN SURROUND PRESIDENT BARRACK OBAMA (God Bless Him)
THEY ARE FACING A VIDEO CAMERA
OSAMA BIN LADEN PULLS OFF HIS MASK REVEALING HE IS MITT ROMNEY (Boo!)
OBAMA
Damn it I should have known! The audacity, I've been such a dope,
MITT PICKS UP AN ENORMOUS SWORD
MITT
I've waited a long time for this moment Mr President.
TERRORIST BASTARD1
Wait we need to have a martyrdom speech first effendi!
TERRORIST BASTARD1 HANDS MITT A KINDLE
TERRORIST BASTARD2
Do we have to? No one watches them they just forward through it. Like dialogue on porn movies (BEAT) which I do not watch as they are Charem.
MITT ROMNEY
Especially the bukake ones,
EVERY ONE STARES AT HIM
TERRORIST BASTARD1
No this one is different. It's funny I bought it from a BBC comedy writer online, comedy is the one weapon missing from our arsenal.
MITT ROMNEY
Ok, if it helps crush the Jinn John Stewart and his hated Daily Show.
ALL 3 TERRORIST BASTARDS SPIT ON THE FLOOR
MITT ROMNEY READING FROM KINDLE
Oh Allah Aqubar, Oh Allan Carr...what the heck?
TERRORIST BASTARD1
It's ironic.
TERRORIST BASTARD2
No it's a pun. How much did you pay for this goat shit script?
TERRORIST BASTARD1
50
TERRORIST BASTARD2
Pounds?
TERRORIST BASTARD1
Dollars
MITT ROMNEY
That's only about 30 pounds, what are this supposed BBC master comedy writers qualifications?
TERRORIST BASTARD1
Hey he's got material in a Radio 4 comedy show and a sitcom under consideration.
TERRORIST BASTARD2
Radio 4extra that's just one bloody line on Newsjack and he sent some shit into Writers Room. Literally that's how Miranda Hart got a show, she sent a giant poop by data post.
EVERYONE TUTS AND SAYS STUFF LIKE"Too much" "she's lovely" "My nan likes her"
MITT ROMNEY
Settle down my brothers, I'll read the rest of the script it might get better.
READING FROM KINDLE AGAIN
Allan Carr, chatty be thy name. Oh now come on that's another Allan Carr joke are you gay?
TERRORIST BASTARD1
No I'm not, I just bought the script. The writer's probably gay. Any where you 're gay you never look at my sister.
MITT ROMNEY (FLUSTERED)
What? How do you know I don't look at your sister?
TERRORIST BASTARD1
Because you kept missing when we stoned her to death last week.
MITT ROMNEY
Oh kiss me you fool!
TERRORIST BASTARD1 AND MITT ROMNEY SNOG ENTHUSIASTICALLY TERRORIST BASTARD 2 UNTIES PRESIDENT OBAMA AND SNEAKS OUT OF THE CAVE WITH HIM
OUTSIDE THE CAVE
TERRORIST BASTARD2 PULLS OFF HIS MASK TO REVEAL HE IS INFACT SOOTYJ (Hoorary!)
PRESIDENT OBAMA
Well done agent Sootyj you're terrible writing and pseudo homophobic gags have saved freedom again. Now you're president has one more favor to ask of you.
SOOTYJ
You want me to upgag your state of the union speech? You want me to rewrite the constitution so it's edgier and funnier?
PRESIDENT OBAMA
No. Can you tell me how to get a sketch on Kirrin Island?
