New stand up video - critiquers welcome

Hi All,
After a year out of comedy I've come back to a glorious return, of some laughs (you might have seen the video I posted a few months back). Anyway I had a brilliant gig on Tuesday which makes me think I might have found my 'voice' (no it wasn't behind the sofa)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ4Lcbll9Xs

Unfortunately the video quality isn't great because the aspect ratio was all wrong and the auto-focus didn't kick in (new camera phone). All feedback is very welcome (except about the video quality).

Cheers,
DBM

Link doesn't work.
Sorry.

*FFS* Thanks for the feedback Lazzard (putting a work might help). I've updated the original post but here's the link again (the right one).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ4Lcbll9Xs

Nice knock knock joke!

Kudos for having the bottle to get up in the first place but this was not the best.

I can say little on presentation as I have never been on a stage, but on the material front it is slow labored and not sharp enough.

You need better material, if you want to grab peoples attention and keep it.

I would suggest you take the time to write a new set, one that flows from one situation to another.

Starting with a catholic priest / masturbation jokes is 70's Vegas.

That said you have the bottle to get up and that's more than I've ever done, just take a bit of time out and put a set together, one that makes you laugh then get familiar with it and it should flow and be funny, good luck as well

Props to you buddy it takes balls to get up on stage. straight in there with the middleton jokes nice

Cheers guys,

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ September 20 2012, 11:20 AM BST

Kudos for having the bottle to get up in the first place but this was not the best.

I can say little on presentation as I have never been on a stage, but on the material front it is slow labored and not sharp enough.

You need better material, if you want to grab peoples attention and keep it.

I would suggest you take the time to write a new set, one that flows from one situation to another.

Starting with a catholic priest / masturbation jokes is 70's Vegas.

That said you have the bottle to get up and that's more than I've ever done, just take a bit of time out and put a set together, one that makes you laugh then get familiar with it and it should flow and be funny, good luck as well

View original

In all honest truth, this set does make me laugh (and some of it the audience), there are some weaker parts to it that I'm thinking about re-writing and cutting out but on paper it has a nice through line - the problem is I need to really practice it and try it out a few more times before I can categorically know what needs to be cut (as I don't know how much my laboured delivery hindered the material).

I have been thinking about losing the opener but there's always the temptation to use the safe joke as an opener to calm those stage nerves. It's one of those I'm going to have to test a few times to see if there is mileage in it or not (my instincts tell me perhaps not).

Thanks for the feedback

TBH I think the material is OK.
Delivered with a lot more conviction and confidence I think it would go pretty well.
The increasing anger needs to be handled well/better - and to do that you need to be putting all your efforts into the performance, rather than just trying to remember the set.
The Kate Middleton seems a bit of a cul-de-sac - breaks the flow IMHO.
Not sure the catholic guilt gag is the strongest of openings.

Quote: Lazzard @ September 20 2012, 11:48 AM BST

TBH I think the material is OK.
Delivered with a lot more conviction and confidence I think it would go pretty well.
The increasing anger needs to be handled well/better - and to do that you need to be putting all your efforts into the performance, rather than just trying to remember the set.
The Kate Middleton seems a bit of a cul-de-sac - breaks the flow IMHO.
Not sure the catholic guilt gag is the strongest of openings.

View original

Thanks Lazzard, you picked up the fact that I didn't realise my set ran short (partly because I missed a couple of jokes partly because I didn't realise the microphone joke didn't hit the 4:30 part) plus I don't have a really strong closing joke yet. As Teddy (very helpfully) said this set is going back to the blackboard but not for a total re-write (just for a bit of tweaking). I am thinking of moving the knock-knock joke to the end as that might be a great closer.

Yeah that opening does seem weak in context in the rest of my material (in my opinion) but it's kind of a rollover from a much weaker set I had about five months ago (when it was one of the stronger jokes). It's really hard writing an opening joke...

If I was giving advice to a new stand-up comedian I would say start with a short silly throw-away gag.
No preamble with 'hello's' or screams or telling us about yourself (that can come later)
At the start, we don't give a f**k about you. We are sat there miserable faced thinking 'make us laugh you c**t'
If you make us laugh, we will like you.

Visual silly starting gags are a winner in my book - something like you come on with a load of hot-water bottles strapped to you and say 'is it hot in here or is it me'
We think you are daft, maybe smile but we are starting to like you.

As other have said - some good stuff in there. But make em laugh with your opening sentence.