British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 4,815

Quote: billwill @ September 19 2012, 11:46 AM BST

Ha! I peeked in a copy of "Fiesta Letters" in the newsagent and there it was: ALGO's story.

Huh? Cool

Congrats..

Hope it paid well.

Angelic

Please don't hit me, I'm only little.

:D
Once upon a time there was a man named Will Bill. One fine evening as the sun set over the chavs throwing chips at passers-by Will Bill took his robot wife for a stroll on Hampstead Heath. "What a beautiful sky so much higher above me than it is for taller people" said Will Bill, doffing his two hats at a passing housecat that seemed to him as large as a cheetah. "Will Bill, Will Bill! Look at that car with it's metallic fittings and shiny hubcaps!" exclaimed his robot wife. "Please can we venture nearer for it does so remind me of my Great Aunt" she continued in her automated voice that made Will Bill all a-quiver. "Of course my sweet" replied Will Bill, although this endearment was based on memory alone as Will Bill had lost several teeth the last time he tried to nibble upon her steel neck. They began the arduous ascent to the car park, Will Bill lovingly willing to walk for hours on his little legs although the car park was only four metres away. But how they were rewarded when they reached their destination and Will Bill's robot wife had gathered a plentiful supply of discarded Yellow Pages' for him to climb up and peek into the window of the car...

Quote: AJGO @ September 19 2012, 2:15 PM BST

:D
Once upon a time there was a man named Will Bill. One fine evening as the sun set over the chavs throwing chips at passers-by Will Bill took his robot wife for a stroll on Hampstead Heath. "What a beautiful sky so much higher above me than it is for taller people" said Will Bill, doffing his two hats at a passing housecat that seemed to him as large as a cheetah. "Will Bill, Will Bill! Look at that car with it's metallic fittings and shiny hubcaps!" exclaimed his robot wife. "Please can we venture nearer for it does so remind me of my Great Aunt" she continued in her automated voice that made Will Bill all a-quiver. "Of course my sweet" replied Will Bill, although this endearment was based on memory alone as Will Bill had lost several teeth the last time he tried to nibble upon her steel neck. They began the arduous ascent to the car park, Will Bill lovingly willing to walk for hours on his little legs although the car park was only four metres away. But how they were rewarded when they reached their destination and Will Bill's robot wife had gathered a plentiful supply of discarded Yellow Pages' for him to climb up and peek into the window of the car...

Extract from 50 shades of grey beard without moustache

Available on kindle ENIAC and Difference Engine

Chip's off to a small room with a fan heater for half an hour. Wave

Quote: chipolata @ September 19 2012, 2:23 PM BST

Chip's off to a small room with a fan heater for half an hour. Wave

Are you allowed half an hour in the toilet?

I'm back. Although I shall need a extension lead for the heater as I couldn't get it close enough to my chair in the room.

Quote: keewik @ September 19 2012, 2:48 PM BST

Are you allowed half an hour in the toilet?

I never use the toilet at work. I have an iron bladder.

Got a call from our 13 year old daughter this morning to say that she'd left her calculator at home. She asked if we could bring it to her but rather than say she'd meet us "At the school gates" she said "outside the pub".

Good to see we're bringing her up right.

Today I've been crying out of my left eye. The right one didn't want to join in.

Quote: Tuumble @ September 19 2012, 4:16 PM BST

Got a call from our 13 year old daughter this morning to say that she'd left her calculator at home. She asked if we could bring it to her but rather than say she'd meet us "At the school gates" she said "outside the pub".

Good to see we're bringing her up right.

:D

Quote: AJGO @ September 19 2012, 2:15 PM BST

:D
Once upon a time there was a man named Will Bill. One fine evening as the sun set over the chavs throwing chips at passers-by Will Bill took his robot wife for a stroll on Hampstead Heath. "What a beautiful sky so much higher above me than it is for taller people" said Will Bill, doffing his two hats at a passing housecat that seemed to him as large as a cheetah. "Will Bill, Will Bill! Look at that car with it's metallic fittings and shiny hubcaps!" exclaimed his robot wife. "Please can we venture nearer for it does so remind me of my Great Aunt" she continued in her automated voice that made Will Bill all a-quiver. "Of course my sweet" replied Will Bill, although this endearment was based on memory alone as Will Bill had lost several teeth the last time he tried to nibble upon her steel neck. They began the arduous ascent to the car park, Will Bill lovingly willing to walk for hours on his little legs although the car park was only four metres away. But how they were rewarded when they reached their destination and Will Bill's robot wife had gathered a plentiful supply of discarded Yellow Pages' for him to climb up and peek into the window of the car...

Rolling eyes

Bill's little legs are now heading for a 43 bus to The Coronet.

Quote: Tuumble @ September 19 2012, 4:16 PM BST

Got a call from our 13 year old daughter this morning to say that she'd left her calculator at home. She asked if we could bring it to her but rather than say she'd meet us "At the school gates" she said "outside the pub".

Good to see we're bringing her up right.

Or a call back saying 'work it out in your head like we used to, you lazy little mare.'

I've been really itchy for the last hour. Just dropped some antihistamine, so hopefully that should soothe my thirst to scratch.

Quote: Oldrocker @ September 19 2012, 8:59 PM BST

Or a call back saying 'work it out in your head like we used to, you lazy little mare.'

YES!

Quote: Tuumble @ September 19 2012, 4:16 PM BST

Got a call from our 13 year old daughter this morning to say that she'd left her calculator at home.

Even my creeky old wind up mobile phone with badgers living in it has a calculator function. Maybe she just wanted to see what her Mum and Dad looked like during the day, when they are sober. ;) :P

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 19 2012, 11:40 PM BST

Even my creeky old wind up mobile phone with badgers living in it has a calculator function. Maybe she just wanted to see what her Mum and Dad looked like during the day, when they are sober. ;) :P

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 19 2012, 11:40 PM BST

Even my creeky old wind up mobile phone with badgers living in it has a calculator function. Maybe she just wanted to see what her Mum and Dad looked like during the day, when they are sober. ;) :P

:P :P :P :P

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 19 2012, 11:40 PM BST

Even my creeky old wind up mobile phone with badgers living in it has a calculator function.

Look after those badgers RC.

Nasty Tory bastards are coming to shoot them !

Quote: Oldrocker @ September 19 2012, 11:48 PM BST

Nasty Tory bastards are coming to shoot them !

If the choice is between milk and succulent beef or some aggressive rats with a panda face, then there really is only one choice.

Farmers hate badgers, I mean almost as much as foxes, they are bastards of the animal kingdom.

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