So I dug this up, it was made about 3 years ago.
I have a list of things that I think are wrong with it and it would be good to get feedback from people on here and see if our lists match up. Just interested to see what I've missed to improve on.
It's supposed to be ultra-realistic, hence the pace and camera.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3XD1zXaggo&feature=plcp
See what you think!
dude! I like this. I don't want to state the obvious but is the gag the fact the skin head guy thinks that all our brothers look the same? 
.
I think it would be cool if when the skin head guy opens the door to the brother and he asks him to help with the TV the skin head guy could have an awkward joke about the TV.
BROTHER
"hello mate I got
the TV."
SKIN HEAD
"eh I hope its
not robbed!"
an awkward silence falls at the front door.
either way I like it and 100% props to you and the guys for doing it...
I'd lose the jump cut at 1.04 if possible. Tighten a few edits up to shorten.
Sound a little reverb'y if you have a dryer feed.
Liked the grading and the Camera work in kitchen was very good. Always difficult to get that right in a tight space..
Personally I think the end could be stronger but afraid I can't help with how to do so..
Just feels like it requires a punctuation of some sort..
Anyway my two pen'eth
AP Scene
Quote: Nigel Ball @ September 17 2012, 2:35 PM BSTBROTHER
"hello mate I got
the TV."SKIN HEAD
"eh I hope its
not robbed!"an awkward silence falls at the front door.
Thanks Nigel
I like that! Thing is it would have to be tweaked so the white guy means it could be stolen for a different reason other than him being black. Otherwise he's just a racist.
I was thinking I could have made the white guy try and be a bit more street after that (subtly). A fist bump at the end, use words like "dude" etc without being over the top.
Basically, I'm extending this and making it a story arc in a pilot I'm filming this winter.
Quote: Punk Anarcho @ September 17 2012, 2:36 PM BSTI'd lose the jump cut at 1.04 if possible. Tighten a few edits up to shorten.
Sound a little reverb'y if you have a dryer feed.
Liked the grading and the Camera work in kitchen was very good. Always difficult to get that right in a tight space..
Personally I think the end could be stronger but afraid I can't help with how to do so..
Just feels like it requires a punctuation of some sort..
Anyway my two pen'eth
AP Scene
Yeah the cut is a bit long even for a realism piece. I'm thinking about extending the bit with the second guy. Making that awkwardness more drawn out
Thanks for the feedback!
Something like
"So what music are you into? Hip Hop? or..."
"Nah mate, just rock."
"Oh ok, like Bloc Party?"
Maybe the other black guy comes back in, makes it more awkward
yeah mate the "is it robbed" is more of a PC thing than racist it could be one of those arse clenching moments.
as for the fist bump thing. dude that's a cool idea and I think the skin head guy could make the fist gesture towards the brother but he just looks bemused at the skin head. as if to say what you doing we don't all do that. it might run in conjunction with the skin head thinking they all look the same so he presumes they all do the same.
maybe subliminally in the background there could be a photo of the skin head guy with his black wife so you know hes not a racist.
On a personal note.. when ever I take anything to my mums and give it to her she always asks me...."is it robbed"
Quote: Nigel Ball @ September 17 2012, 3:05 PM BSTOn a personal note.. when ever I take anything to my mums and give it to her she always asks me...."is it robbed"
Depends if you're out of breath and covered in cuts.