Postcard from the Edge

We see a man in a house sitting with his leg in plaster and wearing a fishing hat covered in artificial flies. He is speaking on the phone.

ANGLER
"Hello may I speak to the owner please"

We see an old man in a sweetshop

OLD MAN
"There's no Fiona here mate"

A woman comes in and takes the phone off the old man; she shakes her head disapprovingly at him as she does so.

WOMAN
"Hello Braithwaites Tobacconists"

ANGLER
"Hello I rang on Monday about placing a card in your shop window. I've broken my leg so I'm selling some stuff to supplement my sick pay. I recently won a caption competition in an angling magazine, but I can't use the prize now because of my leg. Your father said he would take the details over the phone and put the card up for me. The problem is I seem to have been getting an awful lot of very suggestive telephone calls since I placed the advert and I was wondering if there's a problem your end?"

WOMAN
"I see sir. You say my father took the call"

ANGLER
"Yes I presume so"

WOMAN
"What's your advert supposed to say sir?"

ANGLER
"What do you mean 'supposed to say'?"

WOMAN
"My father's 97 years old sir! He gets confused easily plus his eyesight's not what it was and he's almost deaf. So if you can just tell what it was you really wanted written on the card I'll sort it out."

ANGLER
"I want it to read:

Canal Fishing
Six Sessions £36
Call
Andy Tucker
098709097097

The woman writes it down on a postcard

WOMAN
"I'll put that up right away sir, one moment please"

The woman takes a card out of window and replaces it with the new one.
She walks over to the phone and we see the card as she talks to the Angler

Anal Fisting
Sex sessions £36
Call
Randy F**ker
09870909097

WOMAN
"I've spotted the problem sir and you'll be glad to know that we won't charge you for the first week. But I think you're best switching your phone off for a few days, just to be on the safe side."

Reading that not only made my day but my whole week
J

Its not quite working for me..

But I love the punch line.

So perhaps there's a better way of telling the gag? I've had similar problems with shock punch lines its the old Jimmy Carr problem context..

What about if this gag starts with the fishman next to a canal with a nun..both fishing

She's on the phone calling sister Wendy and says 'its not what I thought sister Wendy..then deliver the gag

with "I was hoping for a good fisting" as the punch line?

I don't know, but shock stuff is always difficult

AP Scene

It's not TV material but the basic ideas funny enough, I don't think it would be worthwhile working on though as its not going anywhere, it's a wim at best.

Works for me Teddy, made me laugh although I could see what was coming, just didn't know how you were gonna word it. Theirin lies what's funny about it for me. As for AP's suggestion, very good also, same premise but a different sketch altogether.

Once you've establiched the punch line you might get away with some real fast one liners in a sketch show..

Fisherman sat by canal and his phone rings:

1. "No Julian this isnt a message service for Norman Lamont"

2. J R Hartley? You should be ashamed of yourself

3. No I don't do disabled access

Just a thought

APS

As I read the advert, I could anticipate the pay off, word-for-word.

I also wondered why the old man didn't mishear the word "Call" or any of the numbers.

Is there any scope for comic potential in mis-rendering any of the numbers? There's a lot of "Oh, nein!" in there, but you'd need to introduce a kraut.

I don't have to take that from some muthafukka jive ass street clairvoyant/ stoolie from a failed funky seventies cop TV pilot!

Nice one Mistrer Paddalack.

Don't encourage him.