INT.OUTSIDE BEDROOM DOOR.
SFX (COMING FROM BEDROOM) SNORE...FART...SNORE...FART...SNORE...FART...SNORE...FART...SNORE...ETC.
WOMAN WEARING A NIGHTIE, A GAS MASK AND EAR MUFFS APPEARS AND WALKS INTO BEDROOM.
ENDS
Bedroom Quickie
Like it
Nigel Kelly? I applaud the fact that you're having a go. As ever, I'm going to be honest and non-sycophantic: I think this is terrible - clichéd bog humour..
..but do NOT give up bunging them in.
Quote: Stylee TingTing @ September 7 2012, 12:49 AM BSTNigel Kelly? I applaud the fact that you're having a go. As ever, I'm going to be honest and non-sycophantic: I think this is terrible - clichéd bog humour..
I have to agree. It's just hackneyed toliet-humour nothingness.
If it had to be thrown in as a brief visual gag as part of a longer scene/project, then fine (well, not fine, but better), but it is way to obvious and weak to carry its own scetch - even such a short one.
I think you've been hammering the "this is shit" response a bit too much today, but can't disagree here.
You can't please everyone. Cheers my dears.
Quote: SimonWing @ September 7 2012, 12:55 AM BSTI think you've been hammering the "this is shit" response a bit too much today.
No way. I never used the term "shit". The closest I got to that was "piss-poor", which, as always, I was at pains to stress was just my opinion.
I'm not a sycophant. You pussyfoot if you want to.. but this is Critique..
I liked it, it was simple and funny, for me that's the brief!
You could film it outside my bedroom door after my Friday night ale session
I think I'd want to watch someone approach the stairs from below and climb them in a full-body anti-radiation suit with head covering. We would hear them breathing, obviously using an oxygen tank. We see them go towards the bedroom and then we hear all the farty/belchy/snorey noises, but it sounds really sinister...like an alien etc. We actually see the person go into the bedroom, which is quite foggy. She has a torch. The noises get louder as we get nearer to the bed. Then, we watch as we see the person in the white suit lift up the duvet, that would uncover the wife's side, and use a canister she has next to the bed to spray that part of the bed. We could possibly see "Rentakill", or something, on the side. Loads of white steamy stuff comes out and covers her side of the bed. We look at her feet as she slips off some white fluffy slippers and underneath she's got those plastic elasticated bags that you can get to put over your shoes. She sits on the bed and the husband briefly wakes up...he looks round at her slightly and she presses a button on her helmet that allows her to speak to him and be undertood. She holds the button in and says something really normal...like, 'Your mum phoned'. He acknowledges it with a grunt and farts loudly...she says, 'She's comin' over in the morning'. He grunts again and belches. Then the wife takes her finger off the button on her helmet and lays down properly, covering herself with the quilt. The last shot can be zooming into her face, still with the head cover on. We see her face through the see-through plastic and hear her still breathing the oxygen in and out from the tank.
I'd find that funny, I think. The joke for me would be that she actually sleeps in all that gear and looks ridiculous in bed with it all on.
Sorry...I just typed all that out without any thought of paragraphs etc. I'm in a lazy mood today.
Joyce I can see you point and indeed I think you have the makings of a decent separate sketch, but on this one its a case of the simpler the better.
As you probably already know...I waffle...a lot. I may be the first to actually invent a cross between a sketch and a scene. A 'Skene'. Indeed, you saw it here first. Out of incessant and often incoherent waffling cometh the skene!!
Yes, I think your sketch is fine. I have no problem with toilet humour. It's basically my life...actual.
Made me laugh.