Jigsaw Shop

My Skit Comp entry - too late to change now, but any feedback greatly appreciated
Ta.

THE JIGSAW SHOP

A MAN WALKS INTO A SHOP CARRYING A PILE OF BOXES - APPROACHES THE SHOPKEEPER WHO STANDS IN FRONT OF A DISPLAY OF HUNDREDS OF JIGSAWS.

MAN: I'd like to complain about these puzzles I bought last week.

HE HANDS OVER ONE OF THE BOXES.

SHOPKEEPER: Ah - the 500 piece 'Simon Cowell' - very popular, sir.

MAN: Yeah, well it took the wife & I the best part of two evenings to complete, only to find there's a piece missing - just below his neck.

HE POINTS TO THE PART ON THE ILLUSTRATION.

SHOPKEEPER: Yes, that's his heart. He doesn't have one.

MAN: But it says all puzzles 100% complete and accurate.

SHOPKEEPER: Complete & accurate - exactly.

THE MAN HANDS OVER A SECOND, LARGER BOX.

MAN: Well, what about about this one?

SHOPKEEPER: Oh, nice! Good choice! The Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel - 2000 hand-cut pieces, if I'm not mistaken..?

MAN:Yes - well, about 500 of them are missing - slap bang in the middle.

SHOPKEEPER: That's because there is no God - we are nothing more than specks floating in a bleak, meaningless void.

THE MAN RATHER SHEEPISHLY PROFFERS UP A COMPLETELY BLACK FEATURELESS BOX.

MAN: Yes, well unfortunately that was our third selection.

GIVES IT A SHAKE - EMPTY.

MAN: Bugger all in this one!

SHOPKEEPER: A pretty accurate representation you'd have to admit..?

THE MAN SIGHS - SEES HE'S GETTING NOWHERE .

MAN: Look - what have you got that's nice and easy, has got all the pieces and isn't some sort of existentialist bloody joke.

THE SHOPKEEPER SLIDES A BOX ACROSS TO THE MAN.

SHOPKEEPER: As you're obviously an 'X-Factor' fan, you're going to love this - Little Mix, the 2011 series winners, in all their glory.

THE MAN PEERS SUSPICIOUSLY AT THE BOX.

MAN: And it's nice and simple - no funny business?

SHOPKEEPER: Just four, interlocking pieces.

MAN: Ok - I'll take it.

HE GOES TO PICK IT UP - CAN BARELY LIFT IT OFF THE COUNTER

MAN: Christ! It weighs a ton - I thought you said there were only four pieces?

SHOPKEEPER: Yes, but they're all really, really, thick.

I think that including a reference to Simon Cowell and Little Mix alongside the concept of there being no God limits the piece audience wise.

Technically the sketch is fine, but it is far too formal as such the dialogue fails to flow due to the amount of detail required to put across the caper.

As a fan of written comedy I can see the caper and detect the craft, but this doesn't flow enough and lacks the bite you were obviously looking to create.

I do shop capers myself and I love them, but I find that simplicity is the key that makes a thing more comprehensive in its appeal.

Liked it Lazzard, especially the sheepish reveal of the black box. Not sure about the double X-Factor reference, though it does develop out of the earlier conversation. Hmm.. Anyway, apart from that it's good.

This is just my opinion, so worthless in the greater scheme of things, but.. I think the punch is weak and clichéd.. and sexist, to boot. Not your best work, Lazzard, imo.

I would argue that it's not sexist, but agree that the punch line is simplistic. Perhaps a bit about the jigsaw pieces breaking apart, bar one, a reference to the inevitable demise of pop bands with one member having a successful solo career.

Quote: M Paterson @ September 5 2012, 2:22 PM BST

I would argue that it's not sexist..

View original

Well okay, I hear what you're saying.. but I can't help but think that here's another male gag taking the piss out of four young women, who are only acting in the way that they do to fulfil the expectations of the male-oriented industry in which they are struggling. Easy targets for male gag-writers.

Yes, they are a bit of a straw target, I concur. A cleverer punch line needed. Your point about female performers in a male dominated industry would make a better point for the shop keeper to make.

Lazzard? How could that be conveyed in jigsaw form?

My hatred of all things X-factor runs deep.
They just got in the way.

On reflection I think it would be better to continue the existentialist theme rather than the X-Factor one.
Bit of an easy target.

Wouldn't say it was sexist, though.
Thick-ist, possibly.

"On reflection I think it would be better to continue the existentialist theme "

Yes, existential jig saws is just an excellent idea. In fact existential toy shop owner is a good running character.

©

Really great concept, especially the absence of God. I didn't go for the X Factor stuff, because I don't really care about it (I'd never even heard of Little Mix).

Pretty good stuff, all in all.

Do either of these work?
(Wording is a bit rough at the mo)

Man: What's that one?
Shopkeeper: Schroedinger's Cat
Man: And how many pieces has that got?
Shopkeeper: Depends...

&/or

Man: So what's this one
Shopkeeper: That is The Large Hadron Collider - but there's a piece missing.
Man: Any chance of it turning up ?
Shopkeeper: I hope so - otherwise I'm going to be stuck with a shitload of Einstein jigsaws.

The problem with using Schroedinger's cat as a puzzle is that once the box is open the puzzle is ruined anyway.

How about "This jigsaw is dead..."

Re the missing pieces gag, how about: The Quantum Alphabet jigsaw?

And while we're at it: the Pandora's Box jigsaw: don't open it!

..and the Jack Nicholson jigsaw: five easy pieces.