British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,088

Quote: Harridan @ September 1 2012, 11:16 AM BST

This happens to me all the bloody time! That and people who insist on holding the door open long enough to get a pushchair through but not to get through yourself. Oh, and chivalrous (read: backwards) men who insist you go through a door first because your female even though it is inconvenient to both of you because it means walking around him, or under his arm as he awkwardly holds the door open. WHO ARE YOU HELPING?!

I just go everywhere backwards...butting doors open with my buttocks and yanking the pushchair in after me...and hoping, for the sakes of anyone the other side, they've seen me coming and don't end up dry shagging my arse as they're trying to leave a shop. I know I should be thankful for any opportunity, but...strangely...I'm not.

Quote: Joyce @ September 1 2012, 11:22 AM BST

I just go everywhere backwards...butting doors open with my buttocks and yanking the pushchair in after me...and hoping, for the sakes of anyone the other side, they've seen me coming and don't end up dry shagging my arse as they're trying to leave a shop. I know I should be thankful for any opportunity, but...strangely...I'm not.

Laughing out loud I generally use this technique, but then I start to turn around and some helpful twit is holding the door open.

Quote: Harridan @ September 1 2012, 11:25 AM BST

Laughing out loud I generally use this technique, but then I start to turn around and some helpful twit is holding the door open.

Maybe, they have a fetish. One that requires them to be trampled on harshly by women and children. You should charge for this service.

Quote: Harridan @ September 1 2012, 11:16 AM BST

Oh, and chivalrous (read: backwards) men who insist you go through a door first because your female even though it is inconvenient to both of you because it means walking around him, or under his arm as he awkwardly holds the door open. WHO ARE YOU HELPING?!

Ah, c'mon! Some of us are raised that way and we're British. We're just trying to make it through the day without getting run over by Clark Griswold.

Yeah, it's just politeness to hold a door open for someone. Long live common human decency!

Hmmm...like drivers with no traffic whatsoever behind them for miles and miles feel the need to slow down and make us wait for them to stop so we can cross, rather than speed past at the rate they were going in the first place and get out of the way! I hate waiting.

BUT...ultimate door annoyance is when you hold the door open for someone and they just walk in, saying nothing. I say, "You're welcome" and they look back at me as if I'm a mental!...mocking me with their eyes as if to say...I didn't say, 'Thank you', you prat.

Anyone fill me in on the correct, and accepted, etiquette for when you are walking behind a person in a building and going through a series of doors - lets say in a long corridor. They hold the door open for you for a split second each time one appears.

Now...do you simply thank them the first time they do it, or should one thank them each and every time (this, in theory could be lots of 'thank yous') - until you part ways. To me, the multi-thanks approach seems contrived and perhaps irritating to the door opener.

I opt, and have always done so, for the 'just thank once' approach - but can't say for certain if it's accepted protocol in the door opening/thanking world?

I've considered stopping to bend down to pretend to tie my shoes in the past (or when in a naturist hotel for instance - I'd peer down and check my bits) in order to create enough space between us so that the door opener can effectively take a quick glance back and think 'F**k him, he's now at such a distance that society doesn't demand that I should hold the door open for him any longer'.

That way both parties are effectively 'off the hook'.

Advice please...

Ha. I'd say thanks the first time, and also the final time, but not the ones in between. Bloody awkward though.

I've developed a barely perceptible nod and a non-threatening half-smile.

What if it's a strange building to you and you aren't certain when the last door will appear? Would you thank them retrospectively once you had actually gone through said door and realised that you had finished?

Perhaps greeting card manufacturers could produce a series of tiny 'Thank you for opening the door!' cards for folk to hand to said door openers after every door opening occurence. then again - maybe just one big one to give them either after they've opened the first (or last) door for you?

In any event - a great compromise with the 'first AND last' approach!

I will now ammend my standard practice to this (first and last) approach in these situations from now. I will report back with details on not only how matters went - but more importantly how I felt doing so.

Quote: chipolata @ September 1 2012, 2:10 PM BST

I've developed a barely perceptible nod and a non-threatening half-smile.

Yes, I've tried that but when you look like me a half smile doesn't quite convey the sentiment.

Quote: Brian Bickerstaffe @ September 1 2012, 2:12 PM BST

Yes, I've tried that but when you look like me a half smile doesn't quite convey the sentiment.

:D

Quote: Brian Bickerstaffe @ September 1 2012, 1:58 PM BST

Anyone fill me in on the correct, and accepted, etiquette for when you are walking behind a person in a building and going through a series of doors - lets say in a long corridor. They hold the door open for you for a split second each time one appears.

Now...do you simply thank them the first time they do it, or should one thank them each and every time (this, in theory could be lots of 'thank yous') - until you part ways. To me, the multi-thanks approach seems contrived and perhaps irritating to the door opener.

I opt, and have always done so, for the 'just thank once' approach - but can't say for certain if it's accepted protocol in the door opening/thanking world?

I've considered stopping to bend down to pretend to tie my shoes in the past (or when in a naturist hotel for instance - I'd peer down and check my bits) in order to create enough space between us so that the door opener can effectively take a quick glance back and think 'F**k him, he's now at such a distance that society doesn't demand that I should hold the door open for him any longer'.

That way both parties are effectively 'off the hook'.

Advice please...

I always go for the multi-thank option. To keep things fresh I'll alternate between "cheers" "thanks" "nice one" and "ta". If it's more than a four-door series I'll panic and throw in a 'top man" or a "mint bint". Stressful stuff.

If I think a door situation is going to be truly stressful then as a last resort I just dawdle, check my phone for imaginary texts, or pretend I've forgotten something and backtrack. Then, when the coast is clear, I'm through the door like a whippet.

If the door opener is female then by the third door you should have bonded sufficiently for flirting to be a viable option to relieve the tension.

Quote: chipolata @ September 1 2012, 3:09 PM BST

If I think a door situation is going to be truly stressful then as a last resort I just dawdle, check my phone for imaginary texts, or pretend I've forgotten something and backtrack. Then, when the coast is clear, I'm through the door like a whippet.

Exactly what I was going to say. I do that.

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