I Married a Comedian from Outer Space (sketch)

SCENE: MODERN HOME, LIVING ROOM. INTERIOR. DAY.

AN ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN SITS READING ON THE SOFA WHILE A SMALL HALF-HUMAN-HALF-ALIEN CHILD SITS ON THE FLOOR, EATING AND DROPPING CRUMBS ONTO THE CARPET WHICH IS ALREADY STREWN WITH BITS OF FOOD

AN ALIEN ENTERS

ALIEN: Gloop! Gloop!

WOMAN: Not again.

ALIEN (INSISTENT): Gloop! Gloop!

WOMAN (BORED): Okay. Who's there?

ALIEN: Gloggleboggle.

WOMAN: Gloggleboggle who?

ALIEN: Gloggleboggle diggle duggle donk!

THE CHILD BURSTS OUT LAUGHING BUT THE WOMAN RETURNS TO HER READING

WOMAN (SIGHING): SOMETIMES, I WONDER WHY I MARRIED YOU.

THE ALIEN WALKS OVER TO THE CHILD, PRODUCES A LONG HOSE-LIKE ORGAN FROM ITS CENTRAL AREA (F/X VACUUM CLEANER NOISE) AND BEGINS TO HOOVER UP THE CRUMBS.

THE WOMAN LOOKS AT HIM THEN, SUDDENLY CATCHING THE CAMERA'S EYE, RETURNS QUICKLY TO HER READING.

ENDS.

Very nice VV. short and simple.

Really like that. Nicely understated at the end with good use of the camera to allow us to agree with her reason for marrying the alien without her actually having to tell us. Yes...lovely. I don't think you really need anything out of my drawer, do you?

like it

Not bad.

To be honest I was a tad disappointed. Not because of the sketch itself, but because I read the title of the post as 'I Married a Canadian from Outer Space'.

Wouldn't a vaccuum cleaner gutstick be a bit dangerous, though?

Yup, good one. Really like the understated ending.

Surely from the biological and exo-biological points of view, a cock is intended to spit stuff out (sperm, piss, marbles etc.) So the vaccuum cleaner thing just doesn't work. Splitting pubes I know but I reckon you need to find another use for your alien's turkey neck. Perhaps as a draught excluder or a scarf.

I found the ending a bit too understated. Might make a nice little comic strip, but as an actual live sketch I'd be left a bit deflated.

Thank you, lady, gentlemen and child for your observations.

Quote: Ben @ August 25 2012, 3:19 PM BST

I found the ending a bit too understated. Might make a nice little comic strip, but as an actual live sketch I'd be left a bit delated.

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Especially if an alien comedian then stuck a vaccuum cleaner cock inside you and sucked all your innards out.

NB I'm assuming you mean 'deflated' not 'delated'.

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ August 25 2012, 3:33 PM BST

Thank you, lady, gentlemen and child for your observations.

View original

I hope you're not implying I'm the child. I'm clearly the only one here old enough to know what a tummy banana does and what it's meant for, viz spitting marbles at things.

Quote: Ignatius Rake @ August 25 2012, 3:07 PM BST

a cock is intended to spit stuff out . . . so the vaccuum cleaner thing just doesn't work.

View original

Have you never seen a Black and Decker Garden Vac ?

It sucks like hell.

You flick a switch.

It blows like hell.

Simples.

Have you never seen a cock? You flick a switch and they still don't suck.

Or is that how limpets stick to rocks?

Perhaps if you husband was a robot it might work. But an alien implies he's some kind of living biological entity and why would any such creature evolve to have a nob that sucks?

I thought it was just about him doing some housework, because men don't do that.

Funny sketch though VV.

No. Once again men are just being treated as sex objects. Perhaps if we burnt our jock straps we could change how women view us...

Or if we could somehow do the hoovering through our hog's eyes.