A knock on the door of the doctor’s surgery.
Doctor: Come In.
Man: Oh, sorry to barge in, there’s no receptionist on the desk. Have you got a minute?
Doctor: Of course, come in. You look like death warmed up. What’s your name?
Man: Lazarus.
Doctor: Ah yes Mr Lazarus. Hang on a tick, I’ve got your death certificate here on file.
Man: Oh yes you will have. I was dead you see.
Doctor: Dead? But now your…
Man: I’ve been healed from death thankfully. All that has cleared up. But I think I’ve got an ingrowing toenail.
Doctor: Toenail? But you were dead. It says here on the certificate. Died on Thursday, fishbone stuck in the windpipe . I remember it. I came to your house and pronounced you dead just before sunset.
Man: Don’t worry about that Doc. All that death business has cleared up. This toenail is giving me hell.
Doctor: Cleared up? You can’t be healed from death. It’s not medically possible.
Man: Rubbish. Of course it is. Here I am after all! Although I might die from this toenail the pain its causing.
Doctor: But you were DEAD. I signed the death certificate!
Man: I know. Look, don’t be offended but after you went, we all had a chat and thought you were wrong and well, we asked for a second opinion.
Doctor: A second opinion? You were dead, nothing more could be done for you.
Man: Not what this other bloke said. He laid his hands on me, whispered a few words and bingo – not dead anymore.
Doctor: It doesn’t sound like medicine to me. Let me look in my text book.
Man: It won’t be in there Doc, its all cutting edge stuff apparently. This new fella is bloody good.
Doctor: What’s his name?
Man: Doctor Jesus . Studied at Nazareth University. I don’t remember that much. I was all floatly around the ceiling to be honest. He needed a new pair of shoes, I do remember that. Nice beard though.
Doctor: But you’re dead!
Man: Don’t worry about it Doc. Look, I won’t breathe a word of it to anyone. It’ll be our little secret. No one will write it down, its not like millions and millions of people are going to want to read about it, is it? I really need you to look at this toenail.
Doctor: Yeap, of course. Lets have a look.
Man puts toe on desk.
Doctor: Oh nasty. You’ll need an operation.
Man: What? An operation? Doctor Jesus would have just touched it a bit, said a few words and it would all be healed.
Doctor: If this Jesus bloke is so good why didn’t you take your toenail to him then?
Man: I tried Doc. But he was busy giving out fishes on the hill. Too be honest I didn’t fancy fish again this week.
I tried my best not to say that!
I declare a goblet of wine for that alone.