Absolute bloody GENIUS!! Page 5

Quote: sootyj @ August 12 2012, 11:58 AM BST

booyah with a thoughtful chin rub

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Sometimes I think there's a risk of trying to be too clever, at the risk of jepordising the humour.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ August 11 2012, 9:10 PM BST

I'm fed up with all this modern packaging - cartons of milk that explode when you try to open them, little pots of mayonnaise that do the same. I bought one of those new-fangled deodorants the other day.. and when I got it home, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how it worked.. so I looked at the instructions on the side, where it said: "Take off cap and push up bottom."

Now.. what I really wanna know is: how the hell did they know I was wearing a cap?

©Rameses 11 ®™

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This is good. Cap-doffed

Quote: Nicky Liar @ August 11 2012, 9:29 PM BST

I wish I had a pound for every pound I've shat

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You and me both, Mr Liar!

Not really genius and not totally following the genre established here but nevertheless, here's some hack jokes...

Did you hear about the print journalist who failed to make it as a TV reporter?

He reverted to type.

Sadly, there's more...

Did you hear about the journalist who failed to make it as a TV chef?

He refused to reveal he sauces.

Don't laugh too much or you might get a hernia.

Now back to the day job...

Two journalists walk into a pub. One says, "My round."

Quote: Ignatius Rake @ August 14 2012, 9:22 AM BST

Not really genius and not totally following the genre established here..

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I think you've got the ethos of this thread in one..

Quote: Ignatius Rake @ August 14 2012, 9:22 AM BST

Did you hear about the journalist who failed to make it as a TV chef?

He refused to reveal his sauces.

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See?

The worst thing about getting old is the short-term memory loss.

I can't quite remember the name of that oral STD, the one you get from having sex with animals?

Damn! It's on the tip of my tongue..

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ August 15 2012, 3:17 PM BST

I can't quite remember the name of that oral STD, the one you get from having sex with animals?

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Shepatitis?
Hives?
Thrush?

There are two types of comedian: those who repeat themselves.. and those who don't.

??

..and those who don't.

Why do some comedians use ancient punchlines? I can't see the point.

All those retro kids TV programmes don't do it for me these days.

I've gone off Twizzle.. and I can't stand Bill and Ben..

..but I'm still partial to a bit of Weed..

#1 I say, I say, I say.. my dog's dyslexic!

#2 How does he spell?

#3 Tarrible!

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ August 16 2012, 9:25 PM BST

#1 I say, I say, I say.. my dog's dyslexic!

#2 How does he spell?

#3 Tarrible!

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#1 My dog's got no nose

#2 How does he smell?

#3 Awful......he.'s dead!