gosh darn but I can't post the pdf-ed version so all apologies for the formatting - it was copypasted from my original.
My first skit *beams with misplaced pride*
It took me weeks *grinds teeth*
SKETCH
Nicole Scherzinger
and the
McLaren Pit Crew
BLACK.
VOICE OVER:
The deep velvet brogue of the man himself: DAVID COULTHARD
COULTHARD (V.O.)
It had seemed like such a good
idea, and it was. But it led to one
of the worst tragedies in Formula 1
history.
MONTAGE - CLIPS - F1 FOOTAGE
Clips of Lewis Hamilton's pit-crew mistakes.
COULTHARD (V.O.)
A series of mistakes by Lewis
Hamilton's pit-crew had cost him
places and points in important
races.
Nothing seemed to work, they just
couldn't get it right.
Frustration mounted in the McLaren
garage.
MONTAGE - CLIPS - F1 FOOTAGE
In the McLaren garage at different tracks, Lewis Hamilton's
family and friends watch him race on the television
monitors.
A) NICK HAMILTON waving his hand at the television.
B) ROWAN ATKINSON pulling a face.
C) NICOLE SCHERZINGER squealing.
COULTHARD (V.O.)
But then Lewis had a moment of
genius.
SHOT - LEWIS HAMILTON WATCHING NICOLE SCHERZINGER SHOW
EXT. RACING TRACK - PIT-LANE - MCLAREN GARAGE - DAY
A team of 10 or 12 MECHANICS surround a Formula 1 car, two
at each wheel, one holds a STOP/GO sign at the front next to
another two with a hydraulic jack, one at the back etc.
Standing next to a stereo, Nicole Scherzinger faces the
mechanics in a McLaren overall, with a loudspeaker.
NICOLE
Right from the top and this time I
want more energy. But keep it
tight!
She turns the stereo on for some -
LOUD POP MUSIC.
The mechanics practise a wheel change to the rhythm of the
music.
NICOLE
One - two - three - four - five -
six - seven - eight!
A mechanic drops his wheel-gun.
SILENCE.
All the other blokes look at the ground, or away, anywhere
but at Nicole - or their stricken companion, to whom Nicole
marches up, and screams at through the loudspeaker.
NICOLE
(shrieking)
Not good enough bitch! You better
get these moves right or I'm going
to make you suffer! BITCH!
She stomps back to the stereo.
NICOLE
Ok. Let's try it again you little
princess bitches, and we'll be here
all night if you don't get it
right.
COULTHARD (V.O.)
McLaren's crew became the fastest
in the pit lane, they could change
four wheels, adjust the
aerodynamics, and work their junk
in less than four seconds.
Ironically it was Nicole's success
with the pit-team that the led to
the team's fateful, tragic decision to hand refuelling over
to Lewis's brother Nick.