The shotgun stuff is cheesy and predictable.
The setup is good however and the idea of a scientist playing chess (and losing) with a parrot is visually hilarious.
Can parrots play chess? Page 2
Interesting I think for once my punch was to underplayed/
A SCIENTIST IS STANDING IN A BIG LAB FULL OF FLASHING MACHINES AND OTHER SCIENTISTS
BEHIND HIM IS A PARROT SITTING ON A TABLE WITH A CHESS BOARD SET OUT ON IT
SCIENTIST
Can parrots play chess?
SCIENTIST SITS AT THE TABLE PARROT MOVES A CHESS PIECE, THEN THE SCIENTIST
DISSOLVE TO
TEXT ON SCREEN: FIVE MINUTES LATER.
SCIENTIST: Mmm, the Roberovksi gambit. Interesting.
DISSOLVE TO
TEXT ON SCREEN: TEN MINUTES LATER.
A FLURRY OF MOVES FROM THE PARROT AND THE SCIENTIST.
SCIENTIST: Bishop to King's bishop 4 -The Markov defence. (IMPRESSED) Who's a pretty boy, then!
TEXT ON SCREEN: FORTY MINUTES LATER.
THE SCIENTIST IS CONCENTRATING FIERCELY. HE STARES IN FRUSTRATION AT THE BOARD, HIS HAND HOVERING.
PARROT; It's your turn.
SCIENTIST: I know it's my turn! And it's called 'move', not turn.
PARROT: Ooooooo!
TEXT ON SCREEN: 1 HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES LATER.
THE SCIENTIST IS SWEATING PROFUSELY. HIS TIE IS LOOSE AND HIS HAIR IS WILD AS A YUKKA PLANT.
ONE OF THE OTHER SCIENTISTS COMES OVER AND TRIES TO DRAW HIM AWAY.
HE PUSHES HIS COLLEAGUE ANGRILY OFF.
DISSOLVE TO
TEXT ON SCREEN: 1 HOUR AND FORTY TWO MINUTES LATER.
THE SCIENTIST IS DRENCHED IN SWEAT. HIS TIE IS TIED AROUND HIS HEAD LIKE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IN THE DEER HUNTER. HE IS NEARING MENTAL COLLAPSE.
PARROT: Pawn to Rook ten. Checkmate.
THE SCIENTIST THROWS THE BOARD UP THE WALL.
PARROT; I want more birdseed and a bigger cage.
SCIENTIST: F**k off.
PARROT: Go on, write it up - 'The results of the experiment were conclusive...'
THE SCIENTIST TAKES A PACK OF CARDS FROM HIS POCKET.
SCIENTIST: What are you like at Poker.
PARROT: Shit.
SCIENTIST: Shall we say Texas Hold 'Em twenty quid stake?
PARROT: Make it thirty. You deal.
THE SCIENTIST DEALS.
Quote: Godot Taxis @ August 12 2012, 4:18 AM BSTA SCIENTIST IS STANDING IN A BIG LAB FULL OF FLASHING MACHINES AND OTHER SCIENTISTS
BEHIND HIM IS A PARROT SITTING ON A TABLE WITH A CHESS BOARD SET OUT ON ITSCIENTIST
Can parrots play chess?SCIENTIST SITS AT THE TABLE PARROT MOVES A CHESS PIECE, THEN THE SCIENTIST
DISSOLVE TO
TEXT ON SCREEN: FIVE MINUTES LATER.
SCIENTIST: Mmm, the Roberovksi gambit. Interesting.
DISSOLVE TO
TEXT ON SCREEN: TEN MINUTES LATER.
A FLURRY OF MOVES FROM THE PARROT AND THE SCIENTIST.
SCIENTIST: Bishop to King's bishop 4 -The Markov defence. (IMPRESSED) Who's a pretty boy, then!
TEXT ON SCREEN: FORTY MINUTES LATER.
THE SCIENTIST IS CONCENTRATING FIERCELY. HE STARES IN FRUSTRATION AT THE BOARD, HIS HAND HOVERING.
PARROT; It's your turn.
SCIENTIST: I know it's my turn! And it's called 'move', not turn.
PARROT: Ooooooo!
TEXT ON SCREEN: 1 HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES LATER.
THE SCIENTIST IS SWEATING PROFUSELY. HIS TIE IS LOOSE AND HIS HAIR IS WILD AS A YUKKA PLANT.
ONE OF THE OTHER SCIENTISTS COMES OVER AND TRIES TO DRAW HIM AWAY.
HE PUSHES HIS COLLEAGUE ANGRILY OFF.
DISSOLVE TO
TEXT ON SCREEN: 1 HOUR AND FORTY TWO MINUTES LATER.
THE SCIENTIST IS DRENCHED IN SWEAT. HIS TIE IS TIED AROUND HIS HEAD LIKE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IN THE DEER HUNTER. HE IS NEARING MENTAL COLLAPSE.
PARROT: Pawn to Rook ten. Checkmate.
THE SCIENTIST THROWS THE BOARD UP THE WALL.
PARROT; I want more birdseed and a bigger cage.
SCIENTIST: F**k off.
PARROT: Go on, write it up - 'The results of the experiment were conclusive...'
THE SCIENTIST TAKES A PACK OF CARDS FROM HIS POCKET.
SCIENTIST: What are you like at Poker.
PARROT: Shit.
SCIENTIST: Shall we say Texas Hold 'Em twenty quid stake?
PARROT: Make it thirty. You deal.
THE SCIENTIST DEALS.
I like Godot's rewrite, but feel the punchline could be a bit tighter.
Love Godots version as well.
Got to be room for a "pieces of eight" gag somewhere though.
I like the punchline and its a good idea for a sketch. My only criticism is the parrot seems to swing between talking like a parrot and a piss taker to suddenly. I'd stick to one or the other?
prefer the original.
The rewrite is over-written and kills the joke.
Quote: Bomsh @ August 12 2012, 4:55 PM BSTprefer the original.
The rewrite is over-written and kills the joke.
Agreed but I'd go for a different weapon.
Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2012, 8:59 PM BSTA SCIENTIST IS STANDING IN A BIG LAB FULL OF FLASHING MACHINES AND OTHER SCIENTISTS
BEHIND HIM IS A PARROT SITTING ON A TABLE WITH A CHESS BOARD SET OUT ON ITSCIENTIST
Can parrots play chess?SCIENTIST SITS AT THE TABLE PARROT MOVES A CHESS PIECE, THEN THE SCIENTIST
AFTER FIVE MINUTES IT BECOMES APPARENT THE SCIENTIST IS ABOUT TO LOSE
PARROT GOES TO PICK UP A PIECE
SCIENTIST PICKS UP A 2 FOOT LONG DILDO, HE PULLS A STARTING CORD ON IT LIKE WITH A CHAINSAW
SCIENTIST PULLS ON A GIMP MASK
SCIENTIST GRABS PARROT AND SHOVES DILDO UP ITS BUTT PARROT EXPLODES IN A BALL OF FEATHERS AND BLOOD
SCIENTIST THEN SWEEPS THE PARROT'S CHESS PIECES OFF THE BOARD WITH THE DILDO
SCIENTIST STANDS UP AND ONCE MORE ADRESSES THE CAMERA
PARROTS
Parrots can indeed play chess, they just can't win.
Is that an improvement?
Well, it's certainly a different weapon.
I'd go for the scientist dropping a blanket over the parrot to put him to sleep.
I, also, like the set up. The ending could be an infinite number of ways to kill a parrot. Personally, I would have the scientist attach a small suicide vest to the parrot.
This 'Can parrots play chess sketch?' is dead.
No it isn't.
It is I tell you.
No its not, look, it moved.
Where?
There, Queen's Bishop to Rook Four.
Oh yeah...
Quote: Bomsh @ August 12 2012, 4:55 PM BSTprefer the original.
The rewrite is over-written and kills the joke.
F**king hell, sorry.
SCIENTIST: Can parrots play chess?
MOVES PIECE.
PARROT: Er, white goes first.
thats actually very good like it