British Comedy Guide

Absolute bloody GENIUS!! Page 3

#1 Do you like Yes?

#2 No.

#1 You don't like their 2nd album they did with that other lot..? The wodjamacallem..?

#2 The who?

#1 No, not them.

#2 I didn't mention Them.

I went to the food and drink section in Waterstones but it was just more books.

I went to the shops to buy some camembert, but it was past its smell-by date.

All this fresh fruit 5-a-day stuff is doing my head in. Personally, I've always lived by the dried stuff.

Anyway.. that's my raisin d'être.

I bought a camouflage jacket, but I took it off in the garden and now I can't find it.

I think all this protected species stuff is a bit elitist. I mean.. if they can build little bridges for dormice so that they can cross the road, why can't they build them for chickens?

Quote: Joyce @ August 11 2012, 7:35 PM BST

I bought a camouflage jacket, but I took it off in the garden and now I can't find it.

True story; when I was in The Forces I was involved in an exercise, we were all in camouflage including the cam cream on the face but we were made to wear hi viz vests as we were on an airfield.

Health and Safety gone mad! You can't even have a BBQ on a petrol station forecourt anymore

Quote: Nicky Liar @ August 11 2012, 7:50 PM BST

True story; when I was in The Forces I was involved in an exercise, we were all in camouflage including the cam cream on the face but we were made to wear hi viz vests as we were on an airfield.

Health and Safety gone mad! You can't even have a BBQ on a petrol station forecourt anymore

Yup...we were all called out of the sea when it started to rain on a school trip, so we could get under cover and avoid getting wet!! Stupid.

Quote: Nicky Liar @ August 11 2012, 7:50 PM BST

True story; when I was in The Forces I was involved in an exercise, we were all in camouflage including the cam cream on the face but we were made to wear hi viz vests as we were on an airfield.

Health and Safety gone mad! You can't even have a BBQ on a petrol station forecourt anymore

You'd get run over before you could turn your first sausage.

Quote: sootyj @ August 11 2012, 8:09 PM BST

You'd get run over before you could turn your first sausage.

Don't be daft sootyj I'd be wearing a hi viz vest

Quote: Nicky Liar @ August 11 2012, 8:11 PM BST

Don't be daft sootyj I'd be wearing a hi viz vest

I have to wear a high viz vest...another long story.

I'm intrigued Joyce, the mind boggles, do tell

Quote: Nicky Liar @ August 11 2012, 7:50 PM BST

..the cam cream on the face..

I've heard about you squaddies.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ August 11 2012, 8:50 PM BST

I've heard about you squaddies.

Laughing out loud

Cheeky!

I'm fed up with all this modern packaging - cartons of milk that explode when you try to open them, little pots of mayonnaise that do the same. I bought one of those new-fangled deodorants the other day.. and when I got it home, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how it worked.. so I looked at the instructions on the side, where it said: "Take off cap and push up bottom."

Now.. what I really wanna know is: how the hell did they know I was wearing a cap?

©Rameses 11 ®™

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