Market Man

A FRUIT AND VEG STALLHOLDER (male) STANDS SORTING THE STOCK

AN ELDERLY WOMAN ARRIVES

WOMAN (pointing)
Do you have any more cucumbers? I prefer the slightly bigger ones for sandwiches.

STALLHOLDER
You seen that Jack Nicholson film luv? The Shining?

CUSTOMER
Em, yes, yes I think I may have seen it, years ago…

STALLHOLDER (turns his back then jumps forward with a cucumber protruding between his legs)
(In Jack Nicholson voice)
Well…….Heeeeere's Johnny! (grimaces wildly)

The woman recoils backwards.

STALLHOLDER
Sorry darling, nah, thems our best ones, they're
(breaks into Jack Nicholson again) As Good As It Gets, but
how about a nice Spanish onion? That'll make your eyes water nurse Ratchet, now don't go slipping me any of those funny pills d'you hear.

The woman dithers.
Em, em, I think I'll take some fruit instead (reaches out to take a bunch of bananas)

STALLHOLDER (snatches the bananas from her grasp,)
THE FRUIT?? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE FRUIT.

WOMAN
Get away from me you madman, (running away) and to think I had the hots for you in that Easy Rider.

If you know Jack Nicholson films it works otherwise it's all a bit random...

Nice character interaction and good jokes but it ends a bit suddenly and maybe heres Johnny is a it rude to start with

Quote: RedZed333 @ August 7 2012, 8:39 AM BST

If you know Jack Nicholson films it works otherwise it's all a bit random...

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Echo this - and I think it's missing a punchline that somehow makes 'sense' - or at least gives some warped comedy rationale to/of the guys behaviour.

Thanks for the comments guys, may tweak it a bit. The idea was that the old woman believes he's really Jack Nicholson but in reality he's just a bit of nut.

I.ve gotta be honest it doesn't come over.

Its quite a complex idea and you may need to give some hints.

nb a similar effort I made 4 years ago.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/6370#P129577

Unfortunately didn't really do anything for me, maybe Jack Nicholson is a bit to out of public consciousness now?

Interesting comments thanks. Perhaps I did a bit too much presuming as I'm a fan of JN and know his films, will see if I can rework this a bit.

Quote: sootyj @ August 7 2012, 10:54 AM BST

nb a similar effort I made 4 years ago.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/6370#P129577

View original

Excellent

My suggestion would be to make it kind of obvious that he thinks he is - or maybe just is! - Nicholson at the outset, and then play with the quotations a bit more, eg "you want the fruit? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE FRUIT...seriously, love, if you bruise that peach I'll have to charge you".

I think JN is a big enough star so that you don't need to worry about how much press he's been getting recently - justs tick to Batman and so on, and not 5 Easy Pieces!

If you intend for the woman to believe he's JN then you've got to show that from the start with some kind of 'Oh my god, you're, you're...'

The greengrocer coming straight in with the saucy cucumber gag could work quite well then...

I think the concept of a man answering questions with Jack Nicholson quotes isn't inherently funny. That's why it was a non-starter for me.

Cheers for the feedback, lots of food for thought there and very useful.

Agree with all the above but ...
'you can't handle the fruit' really made me laugh. I line that deserves to make an appearance somewhere else.

Quote: Ben @ August 7 2012, 8:27 PM BST

I think the concept of a man answering questions with Jack Nicholson quotes isn't inherently funny.

View original

Yes, it needs a better premise to start with.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ August 7 2012, 10:34 AM BST

The idea was that the old woman believes he's really Jack Nicholson but in reality he's just a bit of nut.

View original

I thought this was fairly obvious!