Sootyj's signage at the olympics

INTRO

THE OLYMPIC STADIUM

An audience of 1000s of Brits fill all the seats and some Godless foreingers(boo!).

A Giant screen descends and videos begin to play.

SCENE1
A Vietnamese Whore is pestering some GIs.

WHORE
Hey soldier me love you long time, me so horny, me....ow!

Boris Johnson runs on and kicks the whore in the shins, she hops up and down

SCENE2
Julia Roberts is pestering RICHARD GERE.

JULIA ROBERTS
Oooh you'll pay me 3000 bucks for 24/7 shagging, it's like a fairy tale.

RICHARD GERE
Well I was wondering, do you know any rent boys, maybe with a pet gerbil?

BORIS JOHNSO runs on set and kicks her in the ankles.

JULIA ROBERTS hops up and down..

BORIS JOHNSON
Take that strumpet I'm mayor wahey!

SCENE3
SOOTYJ sneaks out of the back of the stadium
he slips 2 DVDs into a dustbin

ONE READS "Olympics opening featuring Boris Johnson." the other reads "HOE LIMP PICS featuring Boris Johnson"

Um.......

Genius

Quote: Chappers @ July 27 2012, 6:46 PM BST

Um.......

View original

eh?

Oh - I see it's been edited. Wasn't sure what that last line meant.

Seems a bit Gilbert Ratchet.

Not saying it's not clever but I did visualise it as a Viz cartoon.

Wellthat's high praise indeed!

Yeh its an over extended punliner, just thought with all this chatting about critique I should write something.

Well go on then

Critique is back!

Feedback you shits

I was trying to work out where the PICS fitted in
but I like the Hoe limp bit

Pics as in going to the pi0s to see a movie

I also didn't get the pics part before you explained, maybe a photographer at each of the kickings would be clearer. I did laugh and enjoy this though, and especially liked "3,000 bucks for 24/7 shagging, it's like a fairytale".

Thanks pics was always the weakest bit but well, c'mon it's such a neat rhyme.

You like rhymes? dontcha? everyone likes rhymes, they ain't a crime, they're sublime and sometimes refined.

I kind of figured out what the 'pics' bit referred too, but it's a bit of a tenuous link. The whole punchline is a bit of an effort to get too and not funny.

Ben one thing puzzles me.

If you never like my stuff why do you read it?