Middle of the loaf
Why bother filming such a weak pun?
I liked it 
Quote: sootyj @ July 25 2012, 9:27 PM BSTWhy bother filming such a weak pun?
because I want to learn, and be told off when I do things wrong. My gran loved it on paper and said I should film it, upload it to YouTube, then post it here for people to give it a good old grilling.
Just a little to brief.
Maybe if you start with a full loaf.
Split it in.
Take out the middle slice.
Then burst into tears.
I dunno same joke but a little more mystery?
Quote: sootyj @ July 25 2012, 9:48 PM BSTJust a little to brief.
Maybe if you start with a full loaf.
Split it in.
Take out the middle slice.
Then burst into tears.
I dunno same joke but a little more mystery?
I know what your saying, I had a few ideas, but my aim was to keep it as short as possible, and no dramatics cause I can't act at all. and my other aim was to have a suprise at the end. ( I read something about comedy and suprises at the end)
If I had gone with the slice thing though, it would have been a midslice crisis
better rhyme n?
Quote: sootyj @ July 25 2012, 9:58 PM BSTbetter rhyme n?
n? do u mean en?
nu sorry
Quote: sootyj @ July 25 2012, 10:07 PM BSTnu sorry
Duh my bad
no my bad
Thanks for the feedback though I have taken note, I was a bit hasty with the camera, I should have wrote it down first and sat on it for a while
Do a montage of you enjoying the first half of the loaf, then shorten down the feelings before the punch line.
Would give you some opportunity to inject some more stuff in to the beginning to make people understand the sadness a bit more.. would be quite weird if you didn't already know the punchline