The Clanging Chimes of Doom

ALL COMMENTS WELCOME. NOW INCLUDING NOT PREVIOUSLY BROADCAST CHANNEL 4 PILOT!

1: FROM THE BIG BANG TO THIS
Obama wears fake tan! The Matt Lucas Awards is dreadful! A garbled rant from a desperate man... Plus what to do if you lose your Bitch Clogs. http://youtu.be/c2xuNZ_QPjg

2: I HAVE NO QUARREL WITH LEE MARVIN
More English speak words from a place of infinite sadness... Plus Humpback Baby receives its World Premiere and Thom Yorke makes the Top Three List. http://youtu.be/_RZrA3btfq0

3: AGAINST THE ZOMBIE HORDES
Charlton Heston returns from beyond the grave and Hilary R Clinton offers her insights into the nature of existence. Meanwhile, Barack Obama is working in a brothel and still using fake tan... http://youtu.be/1TclqRXPjj0

4: AM I THE SKY OR A BIRD?
In which Davina McCall is finally sawed in half and God's frequent absences are pondered... http://youtu.be/syBcS8tCUc4

5: ONE TAKE ONLY
It's Hitler or Hasselhoff time on the Top Three Shit List. Meanwhile, we are treated to some pouch stories... http://youtu.be/9bv-grHlR6U

6: SEASON FINALE
Season Finale http://youtu.be/Utf4vcJIlZ4

7: XMAS SPECIAL
This festive edition finds the Queen of England pondering the futility of human existence during her Diamond Jubilee. Meanwhile, we explore unusual methods of contraception in Scotland and sample some controversial Gorvy cakes... http://youtu.be/aHavaERF5xc

8: CAPTIONS - UNBROADCAST CHANNEL 4 PILOT
Finally available for public consumption!!! Creative differences hamper The Clanging Chimes' big break, not least his decision to perform sporting a ginger Afro and his determination to say unforgivable things about David Walliams. At least we still have the captions... http://youtu.be/rlqLdybaYTg

Hello. Just to say I have now added a previously unavailable episode at http://youtu.be/rlqLdybaYTg

Any replies at all would be most welcome...

Hello. The last and longest ever episode 'Beyond Belief... aka NUTS' is now available at: http://youtu.be/XIONUWD1Nsg

Any comments whatsoever would be groovy...

"In what he swears is the final show, Chimes unwisely attempts to atone for the disappointment of the below par Unbroadcast Channel 4 Pilot episode by replacing the Top Three List with an abrasive sock puppet called Twitchy, before recounting a frankly wildly inappropriate story from his booze years concerning the molestation of acutely ill psychiatric patients and savoury snacks. Finally, desperately, he blasphemes in a way that is as unforgivable as it is unoriginal..."

I finally watched this.

It's a cry for help isn't it?

Who are you crying out for help from?

I mean prayer or calling the emergency services maybe easier. Because I can do nothing for you,.

Hi. Sincere thanks for commenting. Erm... wow. You appear to have had a strong reaction to the video(s) you watched. I don't want or need any help from you, thanks, other than to figure out what (if anything) works and what (if anything) is funny out of the material presented for critique. Can I just point out that what you see in the videos is acting, the character in the videos is just that - a character that I have invented. He may have certain things in common with me (possibly more than I would care to admit) but what you see develop in the videos is a fiction and I would be massively grateful for any feedback concerning whether viewers feel it has any merit or not as a work in progress. Thanks again for commenting, though - it's amazing that anyone would take the time to watch and then comment on my little videos (and at roughly 2 hours in total length, I do appreciate that it is probably asking too much to expect people to watch all of them). Anyway - thank you.

Not sure what you're trying to achieve here. I clicked on a few of your vids but didn't manage to last more than 30 seconds through any of them. Very slow, zero production value and nothing at all to grab my attention. 5 minutes is a torturous length of time to be watching a guy with a daft pair of glasses rambling away to a webcam in his kitchen but asking a viewer to stick around for 20 plus is cloud cuckoo.

If you're wedded to the bare bones, monologue model I'd recommend drastically reducing the running time, kicking off with something fascinating/hilarious and building to a satisfying and memorable conclusion. Sorry to be blunt, but watching your vids in their current incarnation took me back to working behind a bar and being forced to listen to a sad but garrulous patron whose life was circling the plughole, except now I have the sweet mercy of a stop button.

This isn't comedy; it's a crabby Timmy Mallett lookalike, presenting Wacaday from a dungeon.

Don your mordant wit is actualloy makng it hard to despise you.

Appreciate the input. Just to clarify, guys, do you want me to put your names on the list for a series DVD or not? Because the supplier's being a bit of an arse...

If you seriously want a list of why these videos are the YouTube equivalent of being slapped in the face with a sock full of cold diarea. Please ask.

I may even throw in some helpful hints.

Serious offer.

Otherwise carry on and best of luck.

I'll put you down as a 'maybe', then.

Ok good luck.

But I dunno maybe reduce the videos to 2 minutes or so?

And the spend spare 18 minutes appreciating the eclectic music on radio 3, or a nice picture of a horse or both.

Becauase the time spent making unfunny videos. That even the jaded sofa masturbators of BCG can't be bothered to watch.

You'll never get those minutes back.

"You'll never get those minutes back" was kind of the point I was driving at, I suppose.

Thats just sadistic

Sadistic how? Sincerely, I don't get you...