EXT. GARDEN OF EDEN
ADAM RUNS TOWARDS EVE WHO STANDS BY THE FORBIDDEN APPLE TREE, JUICING THE APPLES.
ADAM
Eve, what the heck are you doing?
EVE
I'm making apple juice.
ADAM
Why the hell aren't you making cider?
END
Adam's Apple
Or snake bite
Is this not as good as I think it is? I don't think it's great but thought it would make a nice three panel comic?
Quote: Lee @ July 20 2012, 2:09 AM BSTADAM
Eve, what the heck are you doing?
Great idea and setting but something about that line that doesn't seem right...why does he start off annoyed? maybe if he started off nice and then becomes angry when she says it's apple juice?
Or am I reading too much into it??
In such a short skit theres too many disparate ideas to really work
I thought the audience would assume he was annoyed that she was juicing from the forbidden apple. But he was annoyed she was just making juice and not cider.
Thats a neat idea, but for all my obsession with brevity this is too brief
Quote: Lee @ July 20 2012, 9:32 PM BSTI thought the audience would assume he was annoyed that she was juicing from the forbidden apple. But he was annoyed she was making just juice.
I didn't think of that!
In that case do we need to see that in the intro? 'he sees Eve juicing' ?
Quote: Shandonbelle @ July 20 2012, 9:36 PM BSTI didn't think of that!
In that case do we need to see that in the intro? 'he sees Eve juicing' ?
Ok, I will edit.
Done.
That works a lot better for my brain 
EVE
Ooh we've eaten the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
Now lets have some kinky sex before God smites us.
ADAM
Yes lets.
EVE
Well what are you waiting for?
ADAM
I shoved one of the fruits up my arse, what were you thinking of?
EVE
I dunno, is it good?
ADAM
It's hard core!
Everyone knows the Adam & Eve story. No need for setting up what the apple is. The image of two people in a garden with leafs on their bits is iconic enough. In my original, unpublished edit, I had him swearing but thought it better for him not to.
Don't think it works.
I'd have left out the directions, leaving it more vague so....
EVE
I'm making apple juice.
ADAM
Well go and do it behind that bush you filthy sket
I've been accused of being too abstract when I've done that before.