British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,029

Quote: zooo @ July 14 2012, 1:11 AM BST

Would pretending to be a lesbian work? Probably not with that type, I'm thinking.

It's my local! My safe pub! I can't pretend to be owt cos it would be ridiculous effort for not just me but my peoples to keep the pretence up. And also you're quite right, he clearly reckons if he wants me to go out with him then that's what will happen. My safe pub :( He's local but not a regular so hopefully I'll just never run into him again. What the f**k is up with hardmen, they should only exist in films, not in your safe pub

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ July 14 2012, 1:11 AM BST

Persistence is futile!

Cheers for that piece of sage man advice Sunshine.

On reflection, this probably pissed me off more than was necessary. I'm sure he's a lovely chap, underneath all the tattoos, strutting about like he owns the place, and general air of menace.
Actually, he'd probably be quite a good person for a lass to go watch the boxing with :D

The tragedy of life that is having to decide how to turn men down! You have my sympathies, AJGO!

Quote: Ben @ July 14 2012, 12:05 PM BST

The tragedy of life that is having to decide how to turn men down! You have my sympathies, AJGO!

:P Thank you Behatted Ben, it's a tough life and I'm glad someone understands

Any time, Attired AJGO. Any time.

Quote: AJGO @ July 14 2012, 1:33 AM BST

On reflection, this probably pissed me off more than was necessary. I'm sure he's a lovely chap, underneath all the tattoos, strutting about like he owns the place, and general air of menace.
Actually, he'd probably be quite a good person for a lass to go watch the boxing with :D

Were you wearing your boxing shorts

Quote: Marc P @ July 14 2012, 12:16 PM BST

Were you wearing your boxing shorts

Heh, nope, was wearing a pair of my new shorts. They are so good. Dark brown, two diagonal big gold buttons on either side, and... wait for it... lace trim on the inside!!! That's right, I am so ridiculous that I prefer my clothes to have really nice bits hidden.
Was in posh wine bar last night before local, so high hair (many bobby pins), 70s clay-purple cascading lines top, new green heels, and gold Chanel earrings.
Such a great outfit, might have to go and put it on again now.

If in doubt wear it out!

Quote: AJGO @ July 14 2012, 1:09 AM BST

Pretty sure I would get hands around my neck if I tried that or any piss-taking, even in a matey way.

He sounds well nice! You own him nothing, just act as if nothing has happened and he'll soon move on.

Quote: AJGO @ July 14 2012, 1:33 AM BST

I'm sure he's a lovely chap, underneath all the tattoos, strutting about like he owns the place, and general air of menace.

Phwoar! What's wrong with you girl, he sounds like a dreamboat! I like the menace bit especially, I mean, cor.

You could be like his moll and provide alibis to the police for him and maybe even take the wrap for one of his crimes, it would be so exciting.

You could have fights with other chav girls, get up the stick with his baby and practice covering up your black eyes with make up. Plus don't forget the drug addiction and instant council flat - kerching!

I'd carefully reconsidered if I were you. ;)

Quote: Shandonbelle @ July 14 2012, 12:42 PM BST

He sounds well nice! You own him nothing, just act as if nothing has happened and he'll soon move on.

I was only surmising, I'm sure he's lovely really. I have decided to think kindly towards him on the basis that one would rather have him on the inside pissing out, as it were. And he knows some of my mates, so would be awkward to be in a huff.

TTPYO: Bloody phone 'call' option in the middle of all the texting options. If I wanted to call someone I wouldn't bloody well be in the texting section, would I? I can't be expected to pay attention to what I'm pressing, like a reasonably competent person

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ July 14 2012, 1:58 PM BST

Phwoar! What's wrong with you girl, he sounds like a dreamboat! I like the menace bit especially, I mean, cor.

You could be like his moll and provide alibis to the police for him and maybe even take the wrap for one of his crimes, it would be so exciting.

You could have fights with other chav girls, get up the stick with his baby and practice covering up your black eyes with make up. Plus don't forget the drug addiction and instant council flat - kerching!

I'd carefully reconsidered if I were you. ;)

Moll, you say? Would this involve wearing a fedora and lots of jewellery?

Just say no firmly politely.

Any further move on his behalf will mark him out as a weirdo.

That or wear flat shoes, square glasses and read the Guardian.
Clear indicators of being an agressive lesbian and therefore not worth sniffing around.

Quote: AJGO @ July 14 2012, 2:00 PM BST

Moll, you say? Would this involve wearing a fedora and lots of jewellery?

Replace fedora with Burberry baseball cap and you are almost there.

Just think, instead of watching Eastenders, you could actually be living it 24/7.

One thing is for sure, if you date local hardman, your life will never be boring. It might be short, but it won't be boring.

Quote: sootyj @ July 14 2012, 2:04 PM BST

Any further move on his behalf will mark him out as a weirdo.

Sadly I don't think that's the case with the type of man I think he may be. But he may not be, I might just be being a bitch because he made me feel awkward. He didn't actually do anything wrong. I'm quite a horrible person now I come to consider it.

Quote: sootyj @ July 14 2012, 2:04 PM BST

That or wear flat shoes, square glasses and read the Guardian.

Two out of three of those were actually true at the time :D

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ July 14 2012, 2:06 PM BST

Replace fedora with Burberry baseball cap and you are almost there.

Just think, instead of watching Eastenders, you could actually be living it 24/7.

One thing is for sure, if you date local hardman, your life will never be boring. It might be short, but it won't be boring.

Damn, I don't suit baseball caps at all.

Quote: AJGO @ July 14 2012, 2:09 PM BST

Sadly I don't think that's the case with the type of man I think he may be. But he may not be, I might just be being a bitch because he made me feel awkward. He didn't actually do anything wrong. I'm quite a horrible person now I come to consider it.

I don't think you're even convincing yourself about that.

As for agressive lesbianism. It does have disadvantages I dressed like that and ended up married to Sandi Toksvig for 2 miserable months.

Quote: AJGO @ July 14 2012, 2:09 PM BST

He didn't actually do anything wrong. I'm quite a horrible person now I come to consider it.

It is 100% your fault, you evil bad woman person. I'd ring him up if I were you and take him up on his most generous offer.

*secretly adds 'bullying and intimidation' to his list of chat up techniques*

Quote: sootyj @ July 14 2012, 2:11 PM BST

It does have disadvantages I dressed like that and ended up married to Sandi Toksvig for 2 miserable months.

sootyj and Sandi Toksvig? Together? If that's not worth a weird boner, then I don't know what is.

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