Silly Jokes About Cats. Page 2

I regularly get laughs doing stand up. I kill. I crush. I get applause breaks. I don't care if you think I'm funny and you aren't willing to address your out of place personal insults in a critique forum. You're too obtuse to get that. You just keep trying to step it up with the insults with each one being less funny than the one before it.You don't understand what I'm saying. I'm done going back and forth with you. Go put out your troll bait for some one else. Your the antithesis to what makes British comedy legendary. Your an awful representation of where such brilliance of the likes of Monty Python hails. if you ever do comedy in the states learn how to do a fake American accent because people like Ricky Gervais and the likes have set expectations that you can not touch. You would disappoint. Don't blame your self. Blame your fellow Brits for being so fu**ing funny. Again our discussion is over. Find some one else more impressionable and naive. You're a pathetic excuse for a Brit, mate.

I clicked on the link & added my Cat Jokes from Twitter.
I didn't realise I had so many. 3 or so.
I don't even own a cat.

I own 2 of the lovely fluffy little cuties.

Fortunately being British I don't have to worry about competing with these Brittish people.
Isn't Britten in the Philipines?

Quote: Ignatius Rake @ July 11 2012, 4:26 PM BST

To be fair, these jokes would probably work better live in front of an American audience.

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Thank You for being honest . That is true. Why do you think that is?

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ July 11 2012, 11:13 PM BST

I clicked on the link & added my Cat Jokes from Twitter.
I didn't realise I had so many. 3 or so.
I don't even own a cat.

I own 2 of the lovely fluffy little cuties.

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Nowthat's some quality catenage.

but post a link I had to look for them.

nb what kind of cat does Bono love driving around East Germany? A trabbi

I'm finding a real block on cat jokes.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ July 11 2012, 1:25 PM BST

Backpacking.

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So where did you go backpacking?

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ July 11 2012, 11:13 PM BST

I clicked on the link & added my Cat Jokes from Twitter.
I didn't realize I had so many. 3 or so.
I don't even own a cat.

I own 2 of the lovely fluffy little cuties.

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Post a link to your jokes! Everyone doing this should be posting a link to their jokes. You can't just bash mine and not display yours. Well you can, but its not as interesting for me.I'm having a blast even though mine aren't going over very well on here. I just learned British people really like puns. Puns are reviled here unless being done ironically and even that only has appeal to a small number of people, me being one of them.Broadly speaking puns aren't funny in the states.Interesting difference in sensibility. Am I wrong about puns being funny over there? Are you guys doing it ironically or what? Puns are considered cheap and easy laughs, very hacky and again only funny ironically to some people over here.

Quote: sootyj @ July 11 2012, 9:42 PM BST

always bring your f**king A game.

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Sooty does his David Mamet impression. I feel pumped enough to sell real estate.

Quote: Justin Dan @ July 11 2012, 9:55 PM BST

Um... you realize how hack those are right? You realize that right? Quit Trolling...

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If Sooty is a hack and a troll then you're the ghost of nothing.

Quote: Justin Dan @ July 11 2012, 11:12 PM BST

Your a pathetic excuse for a britt, mate.

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One of those pricelessly entertaining unintentionally funny internet sentences. If only you were in character.

*******

On a serious note - to add to Sooty's sage advice - never insult the audience if they don't find you funny. That's like blaming the sea if your boat sinks. They decide.

I don't know how to link them but here are my Cat Jokes.

I Asked my Cat if he wanted Omlettes. he said you bring the Eggs & I'll bring the Whiskers.

However high you drop a Cat from, it always get's annoyed ‪

Now my Cat wants all his food boiled, well that's a whole new Kettle of fish ‪

I don't mind the Cat scratching, but he needs to learn how to remix as well

I asked my Cat who his favourite Mythical Greek king was. He said Oedipus. I said, No mate. You da Puss

‪I've been asked to follow my Cat around Wherever he goes. I'm not going to get into a flap about it though

I asked my Cat to sign a contract promising not to cough anything up. At present we just have a Furball agreement
‬

nb you know entry is only for US citizens?

(and so's the competition ooh er!)

Quote: sootyj @ July 12 2012, 12:42 AM BST

nb you know entry is only for US citizens?

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Just like Wadd I am
Why I oughta!

Quote: sootyj @ July 11 2012, 11:26 PM BST

Fortunately being British I don't have to worry about competing with these Brittish people.
Isn't Britten in the Philipines?

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You guys, and your ability to make a joke about someone's typo made on their phone. It's so clever...

Quote: Godot Taxis @ July 12 2012, 12:25 AM BST

Sooty

"you're a pathetic excuse for a brit mate." when it was typed on my phone:
"your a pathetic excuse for a britt mate."
One of those pricelessly entertaining unintentionally funny internet sentences. If only you were in character.

These jokes about typos and misspellings are hilarious! How do you do it? Is the typo the premise? Is that how it works?
*******

On a serious note - to add to Sooty's sage advice - never insult the audience if they don't find you funny. That's like blaming the sea if your boat sinks. They decide.

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I never insulted: "the audience" because they didn't find me funny. Did you read the posts in their entirety? It was a back and forth between one person and my self and it had nothing to do with him not liking the jokes.It's pretty clear I wasn't taking issue with him or anyone on here not liking my jokes, but the personal insults directed at me by one person. I didn't take issue with anyone saying they didn't like my jokes. I didn't argue that the jokes were funny, but you all just don't get them. I never conveyed any thing of that sentiment. Maybe it's my fault for not being prepared for personal insults. In the states, other comedians give you feedback, but they don't make fun of you personally. I just wasn't prepared for that.It's very different to make fun of someones work, then it is to make fun of them. We distinguish between the two. I don't think you guys do. Sooty must have thought that me taking issue with his personal insults meant I was taking issue with what he thought about my jokes. I wasn't. Why would you personally insult some one just because you don't like their jokes? Why not just insult the jokes them selves? Insulting someone personally doesn't pass for constructive criticism in the states. Even after saying all that I think some of you will still fail to see the difference between me taking issue with personal insults and not taking issue with insulting my jokes. It amazes me this concept seems to be almost impossible for a couple of you to grasp. I find it baffling. It's weird. Perhaps for you the two are just too intertwined. I don't know. I find it quite perplexing. I don't mean to sound condescending. It's sincerely confounding. I do recall piers morgan talking about how he was surprised that american audiences are okay with insulting some ones performance, but that americans don't like it if you insult the person. So I guess for you guys it's the same thing, but for me it's totally different. I never would have posted those jokes, if I knew this would have been the result. Not because you all didn't like them, but because the personal insults upset me and I got caught up in some thing very silly and got emotional over it. Shame on me, I suppose. The whole time sooty thought I was disagreeing with his opinion of my jokes. That wasn't the case. Thats not the fuc**ing case! I'm done trying to make this point, because it's obviously not getting through. Does anyone else get what I'm saying?

Quote: Justin Dan @ July 11 2012, 11:33 PM BST

Thank You for being honest . That is true. Why do you think that is?

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Hello Justin

None of the following is meant as a criticism, either positive or negative. It's just a personal interpretation or observation or something.

Regarding the live audience...

To me your jokes come across as more something someone would say rather than write and as such I get the impression their effect would be dependent on how you were to deliver them vocally. As text, they come across as neutral statements with no obvious stress or rhythm and the like.

For example, "Do I hear a Psycho Cat? No? Thank God" could be very funny if spoken depending on how you stress the words and modulate your voice. Intonation and all that. And thats' not mentioning facial expresssions or general 'acting'.

Regarding an American audience...

With the exception of slapstick, a lot of comedy is purely cultural. I have no idea what "a New York Minute" is. I can have a guess but it has no actual meaning to me because I'm not an American. To a New Yorker or a Hoosier that could well be the funniest thing ever said but as I have no cultural reference point it's simply lost on me. That, though, is not exactly your fault but neither is it mine. It's all just lost in translation.

Likewise, the stuff about a Mexican baby means nothing to me. In fact, if anything I find it a bit offensive as all the Mexicans I have ever met were ace, even the ones that played trumpets in my face.

Altogether...

When I read your jokes they make me think of how various Americans I know talk in the bar.

Does that make any sense? It's late. Apologies.

Also, a bit off topic and I know you're writing using a phone but can you try to break your posts up into paragraphs, please? Huge chunks of text are difficult to read on screen quickly.

Happy belated July 4 as well. Joey Chestnut! Six Nathan's in a row!

Quote: Justin Dan @ July 12 2012, 2:36 AM BST

Did you read the posts in their entirety?

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Not really, no.

Quote: Justin Dan @ July 12 2012, 2:36 AM BST

I didn't argue that the jokes were funny, but you all just don't get them.

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Don't worry, we get them.

Quote: Justin Dan @ July 12 2012, 2:36 AM BST

Why would you personally insult some one just because you don't like their jokes? Why not just insult the jokes them selves? Insulting someone personally doesn't pass for constructive criticism in the states.

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It's a gong show. Raise your game. Someone trashes your jokes - tell better ones.

Quote: Justin Dan @ July 12 2012, 2:36 AM BST

I never would have posted those jokes, if I knew this would have been the result. Not because you all didn't like them, but because the personal insults upset me and I got caught up in some thing very silly and got emotional over it. Shame on me, I suppose.

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Don't get upset by what I write. I'm just trying to amuse myself. Nobody made me ultimate arbiter of what's funny. If you can get gigs as a standup and you enjoy it - do it.

Meioww, sorry can't be bothered now, will read tommorrow.