Chess

World Chess Championship (1st round)

WORLD CHAMPION MOHAMMED SMITH AND ROOKIE NEW ZEALANDER DAVE VOOLAKI WALK TO THEIR TABLE TO PLAY THEIR FIRST ROUND MATCH

MOHAMMED: (hand extended) good luck mate

DAVE: (right in Mohammed's face starts performing the HAKA)

KA MATE! KA MATE!
KA ORA, KA ORA!
TENEI TE TANGATA PU'RU-HURU

MOHAMMED CRAPS HIMSELF AND FALLS BACK OVER HIS CHAIR KICKING THE TABLE AND CHESS PEICES EVERYWHERE

MOHAMMED: (running toward the exit and banging into other tables and players)

HELP ME!..............HE'S GUNA KILL ME

this is just a quick sketch and would really appreciate a bit of feed back.

is it funny enough? could it be better written? could I do anything that would improve the main part of the sketch?

A new Zealander performing the HAKA at a chess match, now that would be fun to watch.

cheers guys

the haka at a chess match is great in itself. I wouldn't bother with the other guy's response. just cut after matey sticks his tongue out etc.

I could see this as a lovely running joke if you can find as many inappropriate places for someone to perform the Haka (in a library? at the dentist? etc).

@Ignatius- I was thinking that the other Guys response is what would make this sketch funny with him falling back over the chair and kicking the table everywhere

@Tony- if I carried it on I think it would be a bit Trigger Happy TV doing the same things but in different places which I don't really want to do, although I did enjoy watching it.

at the moment I have about 30 sketches but I'm guna continue to write more and hopefully I can put a few episodes together and see what it looks like

Cheers for your feedback guys

I'd agree with ignatius. The laugh is in the haka, not the response.

And I agree with Overlay.

And also Mr Cowards. Yes, it could be a bit Trigger Happy TV but there's nothing wrong with a running gag if it's strong enough (just read some Robert Rankin). Although if you don't want to do that then that's kinda up to you, I guess. In which case I agree with you too.

Ah, harmony...

I like the other player's reaction. Kicking the chess board over would leave more impression. I'd also have him stumble about like an idiot, knocking more things over and making him look like a wuss, but I'm thinking really OTT.

The idea is okay, but all you've really done is mix too unlikely things together. Which isn't bad, each to their own. But is there another twist you can add to it to surprise us and make it more interesting?

If the focus is shifted to the other player's response, surely it would be better for him to do the opposite of what is expect, ie be intimidated by the Haka. Therefore, matey should get up and deck him.

Then you'd be mixing three unlikely things together.

If there has to be a response I'd go for barely contained anger like some opposition rugby players do at the haka. Really close, eyeball to eyeball confrontation. You could even have it that the Haka dude starts to lose confidence, getting quieter and less expressive as it goes on.

This thread is starting resemble monkeys with typewriters though.

Quote: Overlay @ July 10 2012, 9:35 PM BST

If there has to be a response I'd go for barely contained anger like some opposition rugby players do at the haka. Really close, eyeball to eyeball confrontation. You could even have it that the Haka dude starts to lose confidence, getting quieter and less expressive as it goes on.

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Yes, and then the judge/umpire/referee jobbie can look a bit annoyed and say something like, "Gentlemen, can we please get on? I've got a hooker booked in 30 minutes."

Four unlikely things then.

Or you could cut to a pack of sports hacks that are actually all monkeys with typewriters and one of them could make a comment, which would be five unlikely things.

Yeah, I'll get my coat now.

Cheers for your feedback guys much appreciated

looks like I'll have to have a think about which way to go with this but I'm glad the idea seems ok with everyone now I just have to fill in the bits.

or maybe a chess piece could land in matey's mouth choking him

Sorry I beta get my coat aswell, HOLD UP IGNATIUS WAIT FOR ME

I think that the chess champion could possibly just play a move after the dance has finished that puts him in to check mate, possibly?

Would require a time lapse but I think it could add a nice twist at the end of the story that puts it back on to Dave.