Cheers Steve, yes I definitely came off nervous, so clarity of delivery is something I'm practicing. I think there are a few jokes which can be really special if delivered right.
Hi Utopian, thanks for both the positive words and criticisms. You are certainly right that this all needs development (I wouldn't say this was my strongest performance). The laughs felt bigger on stage than they did in the video. And I think I know what you mean by a mono performance - there are certain things about my stage presence that I like and I think can be built on. I'm currently look at Michael Richards (especially his performance as Kramer) for how facial and physical expressions can be developed to add that extra punch to a line. I do think there are a few jokes in there that are a little weak (some though is because my delivery didn't give them credit) so that all needs work. Though I personally rate the Jesus bit, the "I believe it makes you go blind" a couple of the satirical jokes and part of opening are quite nice. I wouldn't say it's not ready for feedback - as nice as it is to receive positive critiquing, negative feedback is really helpful.
Cheers