I've looked at these scripts from two perspectives: A) as an actor, can I grasp the characters straight away, are they clearly defined. B) as a producer would I know what this is as a sitcom, whats the gag rate like, would I want to see not just the cliff hanger but a series (we're writing sitcoms not short plays). If you tick all those boxes you're a yes. If you tick most you're a maybe. If you don't tick any you're a no. I have made sure to read to the end of each even if I didn't like the first couple of pages.
A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS IKEA SALE - NO
It's not a sitcom and there's no actual cliffhanger. There are some good gags here but the relationship between the two lovers could be more defined - the character descriptions at the top don't quite play out for me.
SHAKE YER MONEY MAKERS - NO
There are some nice lines in here but your characters talk too much and ramble - its like you found five ways of saying the same thing but couldn't decide which lines to cut. Get someone to read it out loud for you, you'll hear it's long. It's quite confusing and brevity is the soul of wit etc.
A SPANNER IN THE WORKS - MAYBE
The twist is so very obvious, you could have cut the set up right down and made the police turning up the cliffhanger then the stakes would have been higher. But I like the fact your lead is a terrible drunk, some nice lines, and it feels like a sitcom albeit a very old fashioned one.
A WEEKEND WITH WOGAN - MAYBE
As a sitcom the overall concept of the show isn't clearly defined, but this would be a good episode of whatever the show is. There are some clunky gags and more banter than plot. The cliffhanger seems a little tagged on as does the rushed ending.
APOCALYPSE - NO
I really wanted to like this more but the cliffhanger and resolution is disappointing and the talk of aliens is confusing. The actual apocalypse itself doesn't seem to have been defined. There are some really nice ideas/lines in here though and would like to see some later drafts once you actually figure out the plot.
THE AUDITION - NO
This was just impossible to read. When other people open this are all the words joined together?
BE THE STATH - NO
The whole being the Stath (what would Statham do?) idea doesn't feel like the driving force that it should be. Problems are created and he doesn't do anything Statham like to resolve the issue. The cliffhanger seems completely unrelated to everything else that has been set up.
BENCHED - NO
Again, its not actually a sitcom but some good writing in here. The cliffhanger could do with being just a bit bigger (establishing exactly who the two people are heightens the stakes).
CALLY PARK STATION - MAYBE
Nothing is quite as heightened as much as it could be (the situation, the relationships between the characters) and the resolution is a bit easy but some nice lines and feels like a sitcom.
COOPER - NO
This has some really nice lines and the characters are easy enough to grasp but I'm not sure I would say I know what it is as a sitcom as there isn't actually a plot, it's just a man being grumpy.
DELIVERANCE - MAYBE
I'm torn. This is really good. But its a full length script when the competition is asking for only half of what you've given us. Good characters, some ace lines. Just too bloody long sothat's why it gets a maybe from me instead of a resounding yes. Oh and a note on Jan - if he's Dutch watch you don't write him with your own dialect which you sometimes do).
DIAMOND LIFE - NO
A bit too long on the car/woman metaphors when you could have been hitting the gags a bit harder. The resolution was a bit hasty but there is good writing here. Not a stand out piece but by no means bad.
DOODLEBUGS - NO
The stakes in the cliffhanger aren't clear (although you give us a good reason to care right at the end) and although Annie says she lives with 1940's values we never really see them.
THE NEIGHBOUR and THE NEIGHBOUR'S WIFE - NO
Not a sitcom. I know that sounds harsh, but it isn't. However, the characters combined, a married couple who never communicate directly with each other would make a nice radio sitcom - maybe something to think about for next time?
FLYING PIGS - MAYBE
It's got legs (or wings, whatever). The tannoy bits don't quite work for me, but there is a good gag rate here, defined characters. Although Jenny is such a bitch she must be amazing in other areas for Dylan to like her so much and I do agree with others that the whole middle eastern character paranoia is a bit old.
GAMES NIGHT - MAYBE
The siblings are kind of unlikeable and it runs a bit long but I did find myself wanting to know the outcome and finding out a bit more about why the siblings hated each other. Everything is very on the nose as you're throwing everything in but I can kind of see where it might go as a more subtle sitcom (something akin to Friday Night Dinner).
GUIDED BY VOICES - NO
Just didn't do anything for me. I didn't really like any of the characters other than feeling sorry for Hamish. Can I also suggest that you or a friend read the dialogue outloud as some of the lines are quite clunky.
HIJACKED - NO
Because your upload just appears to me as random strings of code. Are you allowed to upload again if you technically did hit the deadline but something has gone weird?
HOME SCHOOLED - NO
Where's the cliffhanger? If you can buy into what is essentially an abusive relationship there are some nice bits here but it asks a lot of the audience. Also Drew is TOO on the nose - Fran would have punched him.
MAKING HEAVY WEATHER - MAYBE
A nice idea that isn't pushed as much as it could be. It takes a bit too long to find out why there is so much animosity between Stephanie and Karen but as it went on I found some bits that I enjoyed. Frank's arrival pushes believability somewhat.
Mr. NICE GUY - YES
Err, I wrote it, so yes.
ONCE - NO
Hidden away in the forums because you uploaded it wrong. Its not in the list but thought I'd read it anyway. No real gags just a lot of exposition and nothing happens. Not sure what the show is or who the characters are.
PLEASE DIE CAREFULLY - NO
Not much plot happens and some of the dialogue is forced. You occassionally wrote the wrong character names which confused some of the dialogue and you needed to explain why Colleen was dead but not a zombie.
POSTDOCS - YES
The plotting/story isn't great but there are some nice lines here and some good laughs.
SECOND COUSIN OF GOD - NO
Not much happens and I wasn't all that fussed about the characters (which weren't really that defined). Again, read your dialogue out loud or get a friend to read it for you - it doesn't sound real.
SERENITY NOW - NO
Not much happens and although a couple of lines were nice it didn't tickle my funny bone.
STANBURG - NO
There are nice ideas here but no real plot. Tunguska turns up with a gun which is quickly forgotten so we can have a lot of exposition? Show don't tell.
STATUS QUO - NO
Again, lots of tell, no show. Nothing really hit for me, I'm by no means prudish but some of the dialogue was unnecessarily crude and some things didn't ring true - who doesn't know what happy slapping is nowadays?
STEVE AND MOHAMMED - NO
No plot, characters being horrible to each other, and a comedy Polish guy who speaks bad English. Also, I'm not fussy about formatting so long as its readable but sometimes your stage directions and dialogue run together, its just messy.
THE ALTERNATIVE ROUTE - YES
Like Serenity Now this seems too cynical - they know its fake and go along with it anyway. Actually there are a lot of these types of characters this year. If you really want to rip into holistic medicine then have them believe it and really show the pomposity of it all - they can still be money grabbers. I think it might be richer that way. HOWEVER what there is I enjoyed. So it's a yes.
THE END OF THE LINE - NO
Mostly because its not a sitcom its an enclosed piece. It just didn't do anything for me. I'm not sure what kicks the whole thing off - why does she suddenly want a divorce? Also, he's slept with students and then got a promotion? It's stuff like that which undermines the characters/gags/reality of the world you're creating.
THE FIFTH HORSEMAN - NO
I quite liked the idea but don't think you did much with it. A lot of tell when you should have shown. Also, she accepts death too easily - why doesn't Tim try to stop it?
THE NIGHT CLUB FAUX PAS - NO
Simple - It's not a sitcom. (Although the central conceit of someone narrating various embarassing situations is a good one and could be explored in another format).
THE THRIFT COLLECTION - MAYBE
Like Deliverance, I really enjoyed it but its about 7 pages too long and so I'm putting it down as a maybe. Some of the gags fall a bit flat or undermine character (would Nigel admit his pun didn't work?), but generally good and the nam gag actually made me laugh out loud (which hasn't happened much). Again this would be a definite yes but its just too long.
VERY FRIENDLY FIRE - NO
Sadly Gadaffi is dead which undermines the whole thing. He's also been dead for some time now and you had plenty of time to write a new draft. I know you've set it in 2010 (when you wrote it?) but satire needs to be recent. Some of the jokes aren't in character (which aren't too defined to begin with) - would spies know/care about who knocked off a Currys?
WARTHOGS - NO
Just didn't do anything for me. I think you could have picked something much more recent than Princess Diana if you were trying to be edgy. Also, all the characters read the same and not particularly realistically.
WAT'S ETHICS - NO
Just didn't know what the show was about. All the characters are so passive when they should be active - I don't want to hear about an amusing incident that happened last year I want to see what happens this year. And there wasn't a cliffhanger, just a scene that ended.
WHITECOATS - NO
Some funny bits but its the written equivalent of a wall of noise. There are no sane characters to hold on to/care about.
WING MAN - NO
You didn't include the ending so its a hard one to judge. It could be shite. Nice bits but wasn't sure why Luke wanted to sodomise the guy and which one was playing the wing man role?
YOU BANKER - MAYBE
Enjoyed this, some nice punnery/gags. The only thing that let this down for me was the twist - is Carruthers a new recruit as well or another employee - it undermines the scene with the secretary, shouldn't she recognise him?
General thoughts on the whole competition: There seem to be two very popular types of cliffhanger either someone pulls a weapon or an inspector/authority figure is about to arrive and that just gets dull. The biggest gripe I have is the general lack of plot. Lots of talking heads and then the twist/cliffhanger is when the plot kicks in. The cliffhanger should be part of the plot not the entire story. Also lots of talking about events when we should be seeing them play out. And as an actor, there were some scripts that were very difficult to read. Speak your dialogue out loud, make sure it's not clunky. Finally, make sure you follow the brief. Some here just aren't sitcoms. The two scripts and I liked best are a good 7-10 pages too long. Trust me, even if they're good an audience will just remember them as being long compared to everything else. Deliverance and The Thrift Collection would have both been an unequivocal YES from me otherwise.