British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 4,580

Quote: Nat Wicks @ June 27 2012, 1:15 PM BST

so I'll chalk it down as a win.

Please do. It's not my cup of tea, but you perform it very well and I wish you nothing but success. As I do with all stand ups, it is the scariest thing in the world - I mean, aside from like war and mutant sharks.

If you ain't got no theme you ain't got no meme! You knows it! :)

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ June 27 2012, 1:24 PM BST

As I do with all stand ups, it is the scariest thing in the world

I did stand up twice, which makes me twice as brave as you. That's just Maths. Cool

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ June 27 2012, 1:24 PM BST

Please do. It's not my cup of tea, but you perform it very well and I wish you nothing but success. As I do with all stand ups, it is the scariest thing in the world - I mean, aside from like war and mutant sharks.

Not enough people give mutant sharks the credit they deserve, so it's nice to see people posting this.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ June 27 2012, 1:26 PM BST

I did stand up twice, which makes me twice as brave as you. That's just Maths. Cool

I got a Victoria Cross in the Great Mutant Shark War of '93. So if anything, we're on level pegging.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ June 27 2012, 1:46 PM BST

I got a Victoria Cross in the Great Mutant Shark War of '93. So if anything, we're on level pegging.

Laughing out loud

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ June 27 2012, 1:46 PM BST

I got a Victoria Cross in the Great Mutant Shark War of '93. So if anything, we're on level pegging.

Fighting for the mutant sharks.

Then you sneak over here claiming assylum. Because the mutant sharks you fought with consider you a traitor and want to kill you.

So you get a bloody great council house, luncheon vouchers and a free nude photo of Kelly Brook.

And I ask is that what I fought in the war for? The war against mild exasperation (or war on terror 2 as some will insist on calling it).

Quote: sootyj @ June 27 2012, 11:42 AM BST

OUR WILL CAM IS IN THE BATH IN HIS PARLOUR

HIS NOSE POKING ABOVE THE BATH WATER

MRS WILL CAM IS DOING THE LAUNDERY WITH AN OLD FASHIONED SCRUBBING BOARD AND MANGLE.

OUR WILL CAM
I think I'm depressed. I'm feeling, flat, spread out and deflated.
...........

MRS OUR WILL CAM UNPEGS OUR WILL CAM FROM THE WASHING LINE AND LAYS HIM DOWN IN FRONT OF THE FIRE

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Aye and I've got a lovely clean rug for thou unGodly shenanigans.

SootyJ, Sometimes I suspect that you are an Alien from outer-space.

Why would you think that Dear Bill?

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ June 27 2012, 1:46 PM BST

I got a Queen Victoria Cross in the Great Mutant Shark War of 1893. So if anything, we're on level pegging.

:O Cool

She was "not amused".

Quote: sootyj @ June 27 2012, 4:56 PM BST

Why would you think that Dear Bill?

You don't seem to think like a human being.

Cool

and how pray tell to human beings think?

Quote: sootyj @ June 27 2012, 11:42 AM BST

OUR WILL CAM IS IN THE BATH IN HIS PARLOUR

HIS NOSE POKING ABOVE THE BATH WATER

MRS WILL CAM IS DOING THE LAUNDERY WITH AN OLD FASHIONED SCRUBBING BOARD AND MANGLE.

OUR WILL CAM
I think I'm depressed. I'm feeling, flat, spread out and deflated.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Yeh yeh ya great moaning ninny, it's your own bloody fault.

OUR WILL CAM
Ee ya great unsympathetic lump of dripping. I don't know why I married thee, I could have had Fat Agnes from the chippy. We'd've both got free saveloys and no mistaking.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Well I wish you had. Yon useless toss pot.

OUR WILL CAM
Well I can't help feeling flat. I usually have no emotional needs, must be manstrating or summat.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Your feeling flat cos you tried to snatch bloody Olympic Torch off our Peter Kay, archbishop and king of all Northerners. When he were driving that steam roller through Accrington town centre.

OUR WILL CAM
I just wanted to light my tab, them matches are expensive.

MRS OUR WILL CAM PULLS A COMPLETELY SQUASHED FLAT OUR WILL CAM OUT OF THE BATH AND RUNS HIM THROUGH T'MANGLE

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Why the bleeding hell did you have to take our beloved whippet with you on yon fools errand?

MRS OUR WILL CAM PEGS OUR WILL CAM ON A WASHING LINE INFRONT OF THE FIRE, NEXT TO AN EQUALLY SQUASHED FLAT SOOTYJ

SOOTYJ
Woof

ALAN BENNET WALKS IN THE DOOR WITH 30 MINCING, BUT BURLY NORTHERN HOMOSEXUALISTS

ALAN BENNET
ooh what a lovely parlour! Can me and my homosexual book group read Women in Love and wrestle naked in front of your fire? We'll give you 10 guineas.

MRS OUR WILL CAM UNPEGS OUR WILL CAM FROM THE WASHING LINE AND LAYS HIM DOWN IN FRONT OF THE FIRE

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Aye and I've got a lovely clean rug for thou unGodly shenanigans.

Laughing out loud

I need a hug. :(

Quote: Elliott Gill @ June 27 2012, 10:02 PM BST

I need a hug. :(

Console

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